(no subject)
do not open up to people.
i have to keep reminding myself of this. i am trusting the wrong person with the wrong information about myself. and i thought that it was a good thing and it was received as well as it could be, considering the bleakness of its nature, and i thought that it would mean something or anything to him because it explains everything about me and who i am but why would it matter because i don't matter and this is me in full mental breakdown mode because if you say that you are going to call or talk to me or that you care, please do. because i take your words too literally and assume that you mean them just because i mean everything that i say to you. i am sorry that i complimented you because you are not amazing you cannot be if you are doing this to me now. it took every strain of energy in my body to even open my eyes this morning... and ever since then, i have just been let down.
so i just have to remind myself to stop opening up to people. and then i will be alone, but at least it will be expected and not this earth crushing weight of disappointment that i insist on carting around with me...
i have to keep reminding myself of this. i am trusting the wrong person with the wrong information about myself. and i thought that it was a good thing and it was received as well as it could be, considering the bleakness of its nature, and i thought that it would mean something or anything to him because it explains everything about me and who i am but why would it matter because i don't matter and this is me in full mental breakdown mode because if you say that you are going to call or talk to me or that you care, please do. because i take your words too literally and assume that you mean them just because i mean everything that i say to you. i am sorry that i complimented you because you are not amazing you cannot be if you are doing this to me now. it took every strain of energy in my body to even open my eyes this morning... and ever since then, i have just been let down.
so i just have to remind myself to stop opening up to people. and then i will be alone, but at least it will be expected and not this earth crushing weight of disappointment that i insist on carting around with me...