take the time a nd really read this
If ur taking the time t0 read this then that sh0ws u are a g00d frined... if ur 0ne 0f the pe0ple wh0 gets lazy and just c0mments t0 c0mment 0r d0esnt c0mment at all then y0ur the "FRIEND" that really needs t0 read this
I am S0 FAR FR0M PERFECT.. BUT I HAVE NEVER BEEN M0RE 0KAY WITH THAT .
I have kn0wn s0 many pe0ple I 0nce called friends ..th0usands fr0m the time I was little until n0w.. 0nly a handful have stuck it 0ut with me and pr0ved t0 be true true friends. T0 s0me that might seem sad, but t0 me it makes me s0 happy ..( it explains m0re ) keep reading
0kay:
I was talking t0 melissa last night and we were having 0ne 0f 0ur really g00d talks and u kn0w what I realized ...I am 0ver and really fucked up part 0f my life. And yes I say fuked up becasue thats what it was.. I'm n0t making it seem ne better 0r ne w0rse.Many 0f u d0nt kn0w even a tiny percent n0r d0 u need t0 becasue that is n0t what is imp0rtant its what iv leavened becasue 0f it..
yeah ur always reading 0r hearing me say that my grades are better ( n0t better actully g00d great like 4A's),I get al0ng with my m0m g00d ,n0 cutting ,n0 p0t,.. yada yada yada and ur pr0babaly like "well then whys she writing it again" well this time its an0ther huge thing..
see, ever since like elementry through just like a few m0nths ag0 I always said "I d0nt care what pe0ple think 0f me", and it was true I mean ..If my hair was a certain c0l0r 0r I dressed a certain way ..and I liked it but sum 0ne else DiDNt I'd be like what ever.. but it always was in the back 0f my head
EVEVN TH0UGH URPR0BABLY REALLY L0ST IT IS C0NFUSING BY TRY T0 UNDERUNDERSTAND THAT EVEN TH0UGH UR THINKING.. "if it stuck in her head ,then 0bvi0sly she cared what they th0ught 0f her". ```BUT SEE ```... I didnt care what the th0ught 0f me AS A PERS0N ..they c0uld call me a bitch 0f ugly 0r fat behind my back It w0uldnt matter ,becasue ,all these pe0ple I was trying t0 impress ,by being s0 untrue t0 myself ,WERE JUST PE0PLE I PUT IN MY LIFE T0 MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I WAS WANTED.I DDINT LIKE THEIR PERS0NALTIES I DDINT LIKE EVEN HALF 0F THEM. (AND D0NT ASSUME IM TALKING AB0UT NE 0NE BECASUE IM N0T). S0ME MAY THINK IM LIKEAN EVIL BITCH F0R D0ING THAT BUT IT WAS JUST THAT I s0 insecure with myself at the time that I wanted t0 feel like I bel0nged..EVEN IF THEY HATED ME. I D0NT EXPECT U T0 UNDERSTAND, BUT it d0es mean al0t t0 me if u did
U MIGHT ALL BE REALLY C0NFUSED as t0 why i am g0ing IN T0 THIS NEGATIVETY WHEN IM TRYING T0 EXPLAIN WHY I AM S0 HAPPY but .. the reAs0n why I becasue I JUST REALIZED
I D0NT need t0 pretend ANYM0RE! IM D0NT NEED T0 BE UNTRUE T0 MYSELF T0 FEEL ACCEPTED ,BECASE THE TRUE FRIENDS I HAVE N0W LUV ME THR0UGH EVERY FAZE I WENT THR0UGH. THEY WERE THERE TH0RUGH EVERY C0L0R HAIR I HAD ,EVERY IDI0T THING I DID. eVERYTHING !!G00D AND BAD !!
and the friends I have n0w d0nt talk shit behind my back
IF U STILL D0NT GET IT :````````THE REAS0N I AM S0 HAPPY**** IS BECASUE U CANT P0SIBLY UNDERSTAND H0W GREAT 0F A FEELING IT IS T0 REALIZE U D0NT HAVE T0 PRETEND ANY M0RE.```````
AND I NEED T0 MAKE MTHING VERY CLEAR.. when I say frined I d0nt mean every0ne 0n my buddy list 0r frineds list because sum 0f u I c0nsider a frined..like ill say hi t0 u but i kn0w u d0nt like me because u judge me and I d0nt care..(at least n0t any m0re) . AND im n0t talking about all U WH0 I SAY HI T0 JUST SUM . BECASUE sum 0f u are my true frines but I d0nt talk t0 u as much as I like becasue 0f things like highsch00l is hard and Iv had t0 c0ncentrate 0n imp0rtand aspects 0f my imediate life.but th0se 0f u wh0 are my true unc0ndit0nal frineds kn0w wh0 u are N0T BECASUE I had t0 nesisarily tell u either.. u kn0w it ..becasue u kn0w in y0ur heart if u judge me and talk crap ..and u kn0w if ur 0ne 0f the pe0ple wh0I tried t0 impress
see even as u read this (if ur n0t a true friend) ur m0st likely thinking 0r saying "why is she wasting 0ur time with this" but u kn0w what?It has nuthign t0 d0 with y0u N0THING at all ..
I am writing this f0r my 0wn self becasue it has been s0 l0ng since Ic0uld h0nestly say I was c0mf0ratable with me .. and im n0t talking ab0ut l00ks and 0uter apperences im talking ab0ut my inner self WICH is a big step BECASUE i was unhappy f0r a l0ng time ..witch is why I said I am finally 0ver the fuked up part 0f my life...
and the reas0n im typing this n0w and n0t like f9ve m0nths ag0 when i started feeling this way is becasue it just hit me smaked dab in the face ...i mean the pr00f that it ..ina c0uple 0f ways these last like 3 days..
(ex) sum pers0n wh0 is my frined (just n0t cl0se) IMed me and accused me 0f talking shit ab0ut her friend that I didnt even kn0w..
it was s0 crazy h0w this ddint even phase me. Many 0f u are like "well why sh0uld it? u didnt even kn0w the girl." Y0u are right f0r thinking that, th0ugh, becasue it never sh0uld have but if that happened last year I w0uld have flipped 0ut..f0r the simple fact that it w0uld mean less pe0ple 0n my s0 called "gr0up 0f friends" S0 EVEN TH0UGH I sh0uld have been n0t w0rrying al0ng if sumthign like that happened ..THATS N0T WHAT I HAVE T0 F0CUS 0N I HAVE T0 INSTAD F0CUS 0N MY PR0GRESS 0F SELF W0RTH.
I might be t0tally c0nfusing u but I kn0w like melissa will understand and I dunn0 maybe 0thers t0.. BUT THAT WAS LIKE A TEST F0R ME I still have bad days WHERE i d0 dislike myself but i kn0w THAT WHAT MY BRAIN TRY T0 MAKE ME BELIEVE ISNT TRUE N I GET 0VER IT .I have c0me al0ng way. I MEAN , h0w amazing it is f0r mE T0 have realized...that IT IS JUST N0T P0SSIBLE T0 MAKE EVERY0NE HAPPY.. F0r me Its s0 hard becuase I always th0ught I c0uld..PLEASE EVERY0NE .If pe0ple dIDNT like my fatnes I c0uld l00se weight n0w that i have l0st liek ten p0unds ALL ITS MADE ME REALIZE THAT M0ST PE0PLE I KN0W THINK ITS T0 MUCH .(N0 HAPPY MEDIUM) AND IT DINT MAKE A DIFFERENCE BECASUE THERE ARE ALWAYS PE0PLE WH0 ARE SKINNER JUST LIKE THERES ALWAYS PE0PLE FATTER.S0 EVEN N0RMALLY THAT W0ULD BE S0 FUSTRATING BECASUE ID FEEL LIKE I WAS NEVER SATISFYING N0W MATTER WHAT I D0..!@#@#THAT ISNT H0W I THINK N0W !!! !@#@!#@#
NSTEADI AM D0ING EVERYTHIGN F0R MYSELF..WHICH IS THE WAY IT SH0ULD HAVE ALAYS BEEN .. N0W AND I HAVE A SMALL GR0UP 0F FRINEDS AND AT FIRST IT WAS HARD AND I DDINT LIKE IT BECASUE THAT WAS N0T WHAT I WAS USED T0 AT ALL
BUT N0W I W0ULDNT WANT IT ANY 0THER WAY BECASUE AT LEAST I KN0W THAT THEY ARE TRUE ... AND 0NE 0F THERE HEARTS EQUALS LIKE A ZILLI0N 0F UNTRUE 0NES.
I am S0 FAR FR0M PERFECT.. BUT I HAVE NEVER BEEN M0RE 0KAY WITH THAT .
I have kn0wn s0 many pe0ple I 0nce called friends ..th0usands fr0m the time I was little until n0w.. 0nly a handful have stuck it 0ut with me and pr0ved t0 be true true friends. T0 s0me that might seem sad, but t0 me it makes me s0 happy ..( it explains m0re ) keep reading
0kay:
I was talking t0 melissa last night and we were having 0ne 0f 0ur really g00d talks and u kn0w what I realized ...I am 0ver and really fucked up part 0f my life. And yes I say fuked up becasue thats what it was.. I'm n0t making it seem ne better 0r ne w0rse.Many 0f u d0nt kn0w even a tiny percent n0r d0 u need t0 becasue that is n0t what is imp0rtant its what iv leavened becasue 0f it..
yeah ur always reading 0r hearing me say that my grades are better ( n0t better actully g00d great like 4A's),I get al0ng with my m0m g00d ,n0 cutting ,n0 p0t,.. yada yada yada and ur pr0babaly like "well then whys she writing it again" well this time its an0ther huge thing..
see, ever since like elementry through just like a few m0nths ag0 I always said "I d0nt care what pe0ple think 0f me", and it was true I mean ..If my hair was a certain c0l0r 0r I dressed a certain way ..and I liked it but sum 0ne else DiDNt I'd be like what ever.. but it always was in the back 0f my head
EVEVN TH0UGH URPR0BABLY REALLY L0ST IT IS C0NFUSING BY TRY T0 UNDERUNDERSTAND THAT EVEN TH0UGH UR THINKING.. "if it stuck in her head ,then 0bvi0sly she cared what they th0ught 0f her". ```BUT SEE ```... I didnt care what the th0ught 0f me AS A PERS0N ..they c0uld call me a bitch 0f ugly 0r fat behind my back It w0uldnt matter ,becasue ,all these pe0ple I was trying t0 impress ,by being s0 untrue t0 myself ,WERE JUST PE0PLE I PUT IN MY LIFE T0 MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I WAS WANTED.I DDINT LIKE THEIR PERS0NALTIES I DDINT LIKE EVEN HALF 0F THEM. (AND D0NT ASSUME IM TALKING AB0UT NE 0NE BECASUE IM N0T). S0ME MAY THINK IM LIKEAN EVIL BITCH F0R D0ING THAT BUT IT WAS JUST THAT I s0 insecure with myself at the time that I wanted t0 feel like I bel0nged..EVEN IF THEY HATED ME. I D0NT EXPECT U T0 UNDERSTAND, BUT it d0es mean al0t t0 me if u did
U MIGHT ALL BE REALLY C0NFUSED as t0 why i am g0ing IN T0 THIS NEGATIVETY WHEN IM TRYING T0 EXPLAIN WHY I AM S0 HAPPY but .. the reAs0n why I becasue I JUST REALIZED
I D0NT need t0 pretend ANYM0RE! IM D0NT NEED T0 BE UNTRUE T0 MYSELF T0 FEEL ACCEPTED ,BECASE THE TRUE FRIENDS I HAVE N0W LUV ME THR0UGH EVERY FAZE I WENT THR0UGH. THEY WERE THERE TH0RUGH EVERY C0L0R HAIR I HAD ,EVERY IDI0T THING I DID. eVERYTHING !!G00D AND BAD !!
and the friends I have n0w d0nt talk shit behind my back
IF U STILL D0NT GET IT :````````THE REAS0N I AM S0 HAPPY**** IS BECASUE U CANT P0SIBLY UNDERSTAND H0W GREAT 0F A FEELING IT IS T0 REALIZE U D0NT HAVE T0 PRETEND ANY M0RE.```````
AND I NEED T0 MAKE MTHING VERY CLEAR.. when I say frined I d0nt mean every0ne 0n my buddy list 0r frineds list because sum 0f u I c0nsider a frined..like ill say hi t0 u but i kn0w u d0nt like me because u judge me and I d0nt care..(at least n0t any m0re) . AND im n0t talking about all U WH0 I SAY HI T0 JUST SUM . BECASUE sum 0f u are my true frines but I d0nt talk t0 u as much as I like becasue 0f things like highsch00l is hard and Iv had t0 c0ncentrate 0n imp0rtand aspects 0f my imediate life.but th0se 0f u wh0 are my true unc0ndit0nal frineds kn0w wh0 u are N0T BECASUE I had t0 nesisarily tell u either.. u kn0w it ..becasue u kn0w in y0ur heart if u judge me and talk crap ..and u kn0w if ur 0ne 0f the pe0ple wh0I tried t0 impress
see even as u read this (if ur n0t a true friend) ur m0st likely thinking 0r saying "why is she wasting 0ur time with this" but u kn0w what?It has nuthign t0 d0 with y0u N0THING at all ..
I am writing this f0r my 0wn self becasue it has been s0 l0ng since Ic0uld h0nestly say I was c0mf0ratable with me .. and im n0t talking ab0ut l00ks and 0uter apperences im talking ab0ut my inner self WICH is a big step BECASUE i was unhappy f0r a l0ng time ..witch is why I said I am finally 0ver the fuked up part 0f my life...
and the reas0n im typing this n0w and n0t like f9ve m0nths ag0 when i started feeling this way is becasue it just hit me smaked dab in the face ...i mean the pr00f that it ..ina c0uple 0f ways these last like 3 days..
(ex) sum pers0n wh0 is my frined (just n0t cl0se) IMed me and accused me 0f talking shit ab0ut her friend that I didnt even kn0w..
it was s0 crazy h0w this ddint even phase me. Many 0f u are like "well why sh0uld it? u didnt even kn0w the girl." Y0u are right f0r thinking that, th0ugh, becasue it never sh0uld have but if that happened last year I w0uld have flipped 0ut..f0r the simple fact that it w0uld mean less pe0ple 0n my s0 called "gr0up 0f friends" S0 EVEN TH0UGH I sh0uld have been n0t w0rrying al0ng if sumthign like that happened ..THATS N0T WHAT I HAVE T0 F0CUS 0N I HAVE T0 INSTAD F0CUS 0N MY PR0GRESS 0F SELF W0RTH.
I might be t0tally c0nfusing u but I kn0w like melissa will understand and I dunn0 maybe 0thers t0.. BUT THAT WAS LIKE A TEST F0R ME I still have bad days WHERE i d0 dislike myself but i kn0w THAT WHAT MY BRAIN TRY T0 MAKE ME BELIEVE ISNT TRUE N I GET 0VER IT .I have c0me al0ng way. I MEAN , h0w amazing it is f0r mE T0 have realized...that IT IS JUST N0T P0SSIBLE T0 MAKE EVERY0NE HAPPY.. F0r me Its s0 hard becuase I always th0ught I c0uld..PLEASE EVERY0NE .If pe0ple dIDNT like my fatnes I c0uld l00se weight n0w that i have l0st liek ten p0unds ALL ITS MADE ME REALIZE THAT M0ST PE0PLE I KN0W THINK ITS T0 MUCH .(N0 HAPPY MEDIUM) AND IT DINT MAKE A DIFFERENCE BECASUE THERE ARE ALWAYS PE0PLE WH0 ARE SKINNER JUST LIKE THERES ALWAYS PE0PLE FATTER.S0 EVEN N0RMALLY THAT W0ULD BE S0 FUSTRATING BECASUE ID FEEL LIKE I WAS NEVER SATISFYING N0W MATTER WHAT I D0..!@#@#THAT ISNT H0W I THINK N0W !!! !@#@!#@#
NSTEADI AM D0ING EVERYTHIGN F0R MYSELF..WHICH IS THE WAY IT SH0ULD HAVE ALAYS BEEN .. N0W AND I HAVE A SMALL GR0UP 0F FRINEDS AND AT FIRST IT WAS HARD AND I DDINT LIKE IT BECASUE THAT WAS N0T WHAT I WAS USED T0 AT ALL
BUT N0W I W0ULDNT WANT IT ANY 0THER WAY BECASUE AT LEAST I KN0W THAT THEY ARE TRUE ... AND 0NE 0F THERE HEARTS EQUALS LIKE A ZILLI0N 0F UNTRUE 0NES.