(no subject)
this is a scary fucking world. theres no more room for personal freedom when the majority of the population are forced/brain washed into thinking we are forced to be living in this miserable exsistance of slaving our days away while something else laughs in their riches with their soft hands.
New topic-
Why can't I ever just be real? People cannot handle it. Its like I have to play this mental game to get a peaceful outcome but then it doesn't seem real. Like most things in this world it feels flat. And how come after I suffer all the abuse and am close to done, the other person in the relationship comes in and steals my heart thats trying to heal and gives it affection- almost because they know your love is slipping. he knows i'm tired- so does this mean I have to be the bit ....lets just admit it, I'm done basically. I'm done chasing something that abuses me and can severely affect my healthy life for what?? some fake shit. AGH I'm only mad at myself. Its the worst when you've let yourself down.....
You have to live for yourself, and no one else. In the end, you are the only one who matters, and you will ultimately be the only person who is always going to be there. As for love- love is seasonal- it flows in and out of you, exceot for the love which is inside yourself- which can also be seasonal until you find that true infinite love.
I must let the love come to me, for it will hide if I seek it. I am so depressed lately. Horribly depressed. Every morning I wake up in sadness, and through out the day it lingers. I'm empty and broken. I realize this and I don't want it to be this way, but i'm not sure how to change it. Or I'm turning my head away from the cause. This feeling is so deep now it will not leave me easily. There's always been something fucked up happening in my personal life- It's making me so tired. It;s such a miserable cycle. I'm letting myself stay depressed too by surrounding myself with the same stress situation.
I guess I'm sadistic in that sort of way. Severely sadistic. I honestly don't enjoy it...it just keeps happening and I let it because I just take whatever situation comes to me. I'm not a ruler of my life. I'm a simple follower who just lets the world happen and I stay in the flow. Too lazy or frightenend or intimidated by choosing my destiny.
New topic-
Why can't I ever just be real? People cannot handle it. Its like I have to play this mental game to get a peaceful outcome but then it doesn't seem real. Like most things in this world it feels flat. And how come after I suffer all the abuse and am close to done, the other person in the relationship comes in and steals my heart thats trying to heal and gives it affection- almost because they know your love is slipping. he knows i'm tired- so does this mean I have to be the bit ....lets just admit it, I'm done basically. I'm done chasing something that abuses me and can severely affect my healthy life for what?? some fake shit. AGH I'm only mad at myself. Its the worst when you've let yourself down.....
You have to live for yourself, and no one else. In the end, you are the only one who matters, and you will ultimately be the only person who is always going to be there. As for love- love is seasonal- it flows in and out of you, exceot for the love which is inside yourself- which can also be seasonal until you find that true infinite love.
I must let the love come to me, for it will hide if I seek it. I am so depressed lately. Horribly depressed. Every morning I wake up in sadness, and through out the day it lingers. I'm empty and broken. I realize this and I don't want it to be this way, but i'm not sure how to change it. Or I'm turning my head away from the cause. This feeling is so deep now it will not leave me easily. There's always been something fucked up happening in my personal life- It's making me so tired. It;s such a miserable cycle. I'm letting myself stay depressed too by surrounding myself with the same stress situation.
I guess I'm sadistic in that sort of way. Severely sadistic. I honestly don't enjoy it...it just keeps happening and I let it because I just take whatever situation comes to me. I'm not a ruler of my life. I'm a simple follower who just lets the world happen and I stay in the flow. Too lazy or frightenend or intimidated by choosing my destiny.