symphony of sound [6/??]
Evan stands in the auditorium, Rian and Cassadee still standing in front of him, and he wonders how they can be so down right clueless.
How did they not hear Zack running away? He thinks as he shoves his hands in the pockets of his pants and turns to leave, heading in the direction of the junior dorm block.
Technically, it’s against the school rules for sophomores to be in the junior block, but Evan couldn’t care less for stupid old school rules at this precise moment in time.
He arrives at Zack’s dorm room door -which he only recognizes from the ‘Z. Merrick’ written on the plaque that’s nailed to it.
He knocks gently, listens hard for a response which he receives, muffled and quiet, a few moments later.
“Go away.”
“It’s Evan.” The younger boy says. “I... I saw what happened with... With Rian and Cassadee, and I want you to know that if you need someone, then I’m here.”
And with that, the door creaks open and Zack pulls him inside by his sweater, clinging to him like a child as soon as the door closes after him.
“Hey, hey. It’s okay.” Evan says, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him close as the older boy starts to cry.
“Shush, come on.” He continues, pulling Zack over to the bed and sitting him down. “He’s not worth this, surely.”
“But he is.” Zack says simply, voice thick with tears.
Evan doesn’t honestly know what to say to that, so he hugs Zack tighter and lets the older boy cry into his shoulder.
Zack eventually calms down, remembers how to breathe and pushes back from Evan, sniffling and wiping at his nose.
“Thanks. You didn’t have to do this, you know. I’m sure I’d have been fine.”
Evan shakes his head, because there is no way in Hell he’d ever leave someone on their own when they’re in a state like this -that just goes against everything he stands for as a person.
He moves to rummage through his bag, recovering a small, square, translucent plastic box. He pops the lid off, holding it out to Zack.
“Have a brownie; they’re good for the soul.”
Zack raises an eyebrow at him, but reaches over and takes a brownie from the box anyway. Evan doesn’t mention that they’re made with Cassadee’s mother’s super secret special recipe, because something tells him that the girl’s name is the last thing he wants to hear right now.
“Think you’re going to be okay?” He asks, watching as Zack carefully breaks the brownie into pieces and eats it bit by bit.
He nods, chewing at a piece of the gooey chocolate treat before wiping his mouth with the back of his wrist and starting to speak again.
“I should be. I mean, it’ll be rough for a while, obviously, but I should be able to work past it and pretend like it never happened.”
Evan wants to ask about what would happen if Zack couldn’t work past it, and if he was stuck with this crush forever and Rian never knew.
“Are you sure it’s a crush?” He asks, simply curious more than anything else.
“Yep. I’m positive.” Zack replies, with a resigned nod. “I feel the way I always do when I crush on someone -that unexplainable fluttering in the heart, the way you wish they’d look at you, the way you feel like you’d do anything for them, you can’t stand it when they’re anything other than happy. You know?”
He gestures a little, twisting his wrists and waving his hands around.
“Yeah, I know what you’re saying.” Evan says with a nod. Zack brings his legs up onto the bed and crosses them, resting his right palm against his chin and his elbow on his knee.
“I kind of... didn’t expect it to hurt this much, if you know what I mean. I figured it’d sting for a while, but... but it feels like someone’s pulled my ribcage open with a claw hammer and took out my heart in the process.” Zack says with a nervous shrug. “I don’t know. It just hurts, a lot.”
“Nice terminology.” Evan says with a small nod. Zack laughs a little, quiet and gentle and not at all like he usually would.
“Sorry. I have a tendency to be all depressing and miserable when I get upset about something. I ramble a lot, too.” Zack explains with a shy smile.
“Don’t worry about it.” Evan says with a lopsided grin. “If you ever need anyone to talk to, I’ll be here for you, dude.”
“Thanks, Evan. I appreciate you being around for me today, because it’s pretty obvious Rian never noticed.”
At this comment, he bites at his lower lip, looks up at the ceiling with his green eyes that are suddenly starting to prick with tears again.
“Hey, don’t cry.” Evan says, leaning over to the older boy and resting a comforting hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently in what he hopes is a gesture of reassurance.
“Sorry,” Zack mumbles, wiping forcefully at his eyes with the rough woollen sleeve of his school jersey trying to stop the tears, “I’ve cried on you enough today.”
“Don’t apologize for crying,” Evan says, squeezing his shoulder again, “I know of a lot of guys who are terrified of even thinking of showing emotion, let alone actually doing it.”
Zack sniffs, pushes his wavy dirty blonde bangs away from his face, only to have them immediately fall back into the place he just moved them from.
“Do you want to go for a walk?” Evan suggests, thinking that the idea would maybe help to calm Zack down, even just a little.
Zack nods stiffly, picking up his blazer from the chair at his desk and tugging it on with a sniffle.
“Come on,” Evan says, leading the older boy out of the room by the wrist, “it should help calm your nerves a little.”
They walk from the junior block all the way across campus to the theatre block and the main assembly hall, where they sit on the grass verge that’s to the left and stare at the cloudy sky for a few hours. Zack pushes Rian to the back of his mind and tries to forget about him.
Little does he realize that the older boy is currently tearing around the school looking for him.
He hammers on Jack’s door far too loudly, only knowing that the taller boy is in there because of the sound of a cello echoing from inside.
“Jack! Open your damn door!”
The door finally flies open and Rian is met by the glaring expression of the younger boy, with Alex’s head popping up over his shoulder.
“What do you want, Dawson? And this better be good.” Jack says with a frown, folding his arms.
“Have you seen Zack anywhere? I haven’t seen him since orchestra, and I really need to talk to him about something.”
“He was with Evan, wasn’t he? You know, that violinist from sophomore year?” Alex answers, cocking his head a little and looking at Jack.
“Yeah, he was. He seemed really upset about something. I don’t know what, though. I thought it best to leave him to it.” Jack continues with a shrug,
“I don’t know if they’re still there, but they were in Zack’s room for ages talking. They might have left by now, though. I think I heard someone go out about twenty minutes ago.” Alex finishes with a small nod to emphasise.
“Alright, thanks.”
He turns on his heel and knocks at Zack’s door, waiting patiently for a reply. Nothing.
“Zee? You in there?” He asks, knocking lightly again.
Still nothing.
He pushes at the door, surprised when he almost falls through it. It’s not like Zack to leave his door unlocked.
But still, the younger boy isn’t in there, and Rian heaves out a sigh and closes the door, turning around and walking back down the corridor, continuing his search for the younger boy.
He eventually locates him, and he’s still lying on the grass next to the assembly hall with Evan, rolled onto his stomach and picking at the grass within arms reach.
“Zack!” He yells, and the younger snaps his head around to look at him, his eyes widening in fear.
“Shit,” He murmurs, scrambling to his feet and dusting himself off, stumbling over to Rian, who stands a few feet away with his hands in his pockets, looking sheepish.
“Am I interrupting something? Sorry.” Rian says with a soft smile.
“What? No, we were just talking. What did you want?”
“I was just going to check if you were okay -Kara said you left orchestra crying earlier, and Alex and Jack said that you seemed upset about something when they saw you.”
“Oh.”
“So is everything alright?” Rian asks, digging his hands deeper into his pockets. “I’m just kind of worried, is all?”
“Yeah, everything’s fine.” Zack lies, completely aware of the fact that Rian will probably realize his words are total fiction before the conversation is finished.
“Oh, okay.” Rian says, stifling a protest carefully, knowing it’s best to let Zack deal with his own problems in his own time. “Well, you know where I am if you need me, right?”
Zack nods, turns to walk back to Evan before tacking something onto the end of the conversation.
“We should be back soon -I’ll stop by your room and we can watch a movie again, or something. Alright?” He suggests. Rian nods, biting his lip gently and turning to leave.
Zack returns around half an hour later, like he said he would, and he changes from his uncomfortable school uniform into a much more pleasant combination of jeans and a band tee.
He knocks on Rian’s door and smiles weakly when the older opens it and pulls him inside.
“Come on, we’re watching Gremlins.”
And so Zack curls up against Rian’s side again, ignoring the ripping feeling that conjures itself up again, right in the centre of his chest.
How did they not hear Zack running away? He thinks as he shoves his hands in the pockets of his pants and turns to leave, heading in the direction of the junior dorm block.
Technically, it’s against the school rules for sophomores to be in the junior block, but Evan couldn’t care less for stupid old school rules at this precise moment in time.
He arrives at Zack’s dorm room door -which he only recognizes from the ‘Z. Merrick’ written on the plaque that’s nailed to it.
He knocks gently, listens hard for a response which he receives, muffled and quiet, a few moments later.
“Go away.”
“It’s Evan.” The younger boy says. “I... I saw what happened with... With Rian and Cassadee, and I want you to know that if you need someone, then I’m here.”
And with that, the door creaks open and Zack pulls him inside by his sweater, clinging to him like a child as soon as the door closes after him.
“Hey, hey. It’s okay.” Evan says, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him close as the older boy starts to cry.
“Shush, come on.” He continues, pulling Zack over to the bed and sitting him down. “He’s not worth this, surely.”
“But he is.” Zack says simply, voice thick with tears.
Evan doesn’t honestly know what to say to that, so he hugs Zack tighter and lets the older boy cry into his shoulder.
Zack eventually calms down, remembers how to breathe and pushes back from Evan, sniffling and wiping at his nose.
“Thanks. You didn’t have to do this, you know. I’m sure I’d have been fine.”
Evan shakes his head, because there is no way in Hell he’d ever leave someone on their own when they’re in a state like this -that just goes against everything he stands for as a person.
He moves to rummage through his bag, recovering a small, square, translucent plastic box. He pops the lid off, holding it out to Zack.
“Have a brownie; they’re good for the soul.”
Zack raises an eyebrow at him, but reaches over and takes a brownie from the box anyway. Evan doesn’t mention that they’re made with Cassadee’s mother’s super secret special recipe, because something tells him that the girl’s name is the last thing he wants to hear right now.
“Think you’re going to be okay?” He asks, watching as Zack carefully breaks the brownie into pieces and eats it bit by bit.
He nods, chewing at a piece of the gooey chocolate treat before wiping his mouth with the back of his wrist and starting to speak again.
“I should be. I mean, it’ll be rough for a while, obviously, but I should be able to work past it and pretend like it never happened.”
Evan wants to ask about what would happen if Zack couldn’t work past it, and if he was stuck with this crush forever and Rian never knew.
“Are you sure it’s a crush?” He asks, simply curious more than anything else.
“Yep. I’m positive.” Zack replies, with a resigned nod. “I feel the way I always do when I crush on someone -that unexplainable fluttering in the heart, the way you wish they’d look at you, the way you feel like you’d do anything for them, you can’t stand it when they’re anything other than happy. You know?”
He gestures a little, twisting his wrists and waving his hands around.
“Yeah, I know what you’re saying.” Evan says with a nod. Zack brings his legs up onto the bed and crosses them, resting his right palm against his chin and his elbow on his knee.
“I kind of... didn’t expect it to hurt this much, if you know what I mean. I figured it’d sting for a while, but... but it feels like someone’s pulled my ribcage open with a claw hammer and took out my heart in the process.” Zack says with a nervous shrug. “I don’t know. It just hurts, a lot.”
“Nice terminology.” Evan says with a small nod. Zack laughs a little, quiet and gentle and not at all like he usually would.
“Sorry. I have a tendency to be all depressing and miserable when I get upset about something. I ramble a lot, too.” Zack explains with a shy smile.
“Don’t worry about it.” Evan says with a lopsided grin. “If you ever need anyone to talk to, I’ll be here for you, dude.”
“Thanks, Evan. I appreciate you being around for me today, because it’s pretty obvious Rian never noticed.”
At this comment, he bites at his lower lip, looks up at the ceiling with his green eyes that are suddenly starting to prick with tears again.
“Hey, don’t cry.” Evan says, leaning over to the older boy and resting a comforting hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently in what he hopes is a gesture of reassurance.
“Sorry,” Zack mumbles, wiping forcefully at his eyes with the rough woollen sleeve of his school jersey trying to stop the tears, “I’ve cried on you enough today.”
“Don’t apologize for crying,” Evan says, squeezing his shoulder again, “I know of a lot of guys who are terrified of even thinking of showing emotion, let alone actually doing it.”
Zack sniffs, pushes his wavy dirty blonde bangs away from his face, only to have them immediately fall back into the place he just moved them from.
“Do you want to go for a walk?” Evan suggests, thinking that the idea would maybe help to calm Zack down, even just a little.
Zack nods stiffly, picking up his blazer from the chair at his desk and tugging it on with a sniffle.
“Come on,” Evan says, leading the older boy out of the room by the wrist, “it should help calm your nerves a little.”
They walk from the junior block all the way across campus to the theatre block and the main assembly hall, where they sit on the grass verge that’s to the left and stare at the cloudy sky for a few hours. Zack pushes Rian to the back of his mind and tries to forget about him.
Little does he realize that the older boy is currently tearing around the school looking for him.
He hammers on Jack’s door far too loudly, only knowing that the taller boy is in there because of the sound of a cello echoing from inside.
“Jack! Open your damn door!”
The door finally flies open and Rian is met by the glaring expression of the younger boy, with Alex’s head popping up over his shoulder.
“What do you want, Dawson? And this better be good.” Jack says with a frown, folding his arms.
“Have you seen Zack anywhere? I haven’t seen him since orchestra, and I really need to talk to him about something.”
“He was with Evan, wasn’t he? You know, that violinist from sophomore year?” Alex answers, cocking his head a little and looking at Jack.
“Yeah, he was. He seemed really upset about something. I don’t know what, though. I thought it best to leave him to it.” Jack continues with a shrug,
“I don’t know if they’re still there, but they were in Zack’s room for ages talking. They might have left by now, though. I think I heard someone go out about twenty minutes ago.” Alex finishes with a small nod to emphasise.
“Alright, thanks.”
He turns on his heel and knocks at Zack’s door, waiting patiently for a reply. Nothing.
“Zee? You in there?” He asks, knocking lightly again.
Still nothing.
He pushes at the door, surprised when he almost falls through it. It’s not like Zack to leave his door unlocked.
But still, the younger boy isn’t in there, and Rian heaves out a sigh and closes the door, turning around and walking back down the corridor, continuing his search for the younger boy.
He eventually locates him, and he’s still lying on the grass next to the assembly hall with Evan, rolled onto his stomach and picking at the grass within arms reach.
“Zack!” He yells, and the younger snaps his head around to look at him, his eyes widening in fear.
“Shit,” He murmurs, scrambling to his feet and dusting himself off, stumbling over to Rian, who stands a few feet away with his hands in his pockets, looking sheepish.
“Am I interrupting something? Sorry.” Rian says with a soft smile.
“What? No, we were just talking. What did you want?”
“I was just going to check if you were okay -Kara said you left orchestra crying earlier, and Alex and Jack said that you seemed upset about something when they saw you.”
“Oh.”
“So is everything alright?” Rian asks, digging his hands deeper into his pockets. “I’m just kind of worried, is all?”
“Yeah, everything’s fine.” Zack lies, completely aware of the fact that Rian will probably realize his words are total fiction before the conversation is finished.
“Oh, okay.” Rian says, stifling a protest carefully, knowing it’s best to let Zack deal with his own problems in his own time. “Well, you know where I am if you need me, right?”
Zack nods, turns to walk back to Evan before tacking something onto the end of the conversation.
“We should be back soon -I’ll stop by your room and we can watch a movie again, or something. Alright?” He suggests. Rian nods, biting his lip gently and turning to leave.
Zack returns around half an hour later, like he said he would, and he changes from his uncomfortable school uniform into a much more pleasant combination of jeans and a band tee.
He knocks on Rian’s door and smiles weakly when the older opens it and pulls him inside.
“Come on, we’re watching Gremlins.”
And so Zack curls up against Rian’s side again, ignoring the ripping feeling that conjures itself up again, right in the centre of his chest.