I have issues....
Well I am truly heartbroken for those in London, but I have decided I am not going to engage in any foray into the political realm. It will just make me argue with people...and really wtf is the point of that? Everyone thinks they're right, so no real point in arguing about it. SO! A story instead!!
So, Wednesday night was the first time I made an actual date since Lou & I broke up. I've attempted it before, but I would never actually commit to a date, time, or (if I'm completely honest)...return a phone call. It seems I would like the idea of starting to date again - but I just couldn't bring myself to actually do it. Because you know, had I actually agreed to a date time or place - I knew I would end up standing the person up or cancelling at the last moment...more likely than not. So I avoided the agreeing to anything; until this week.
However - we called the date off anyway. Yes, you read correctly. No date occurred.
No, it wasn't just me...WE. I attempted to rush home & get ready and had almost accomplished it. But bad weather = horrible traffic that worked against us. I was actually ready by 8pm. He however, did not get home until almost 9pm. And... well that's just entirely too late for me to consider leaving the house during the week. He knows that. Besides, he was leaving for Europe on business the next day (yesterday) - what was I going to do, go to his house and watch him pack for an hour before I had to go to sleep? Not exactly fun. I had an overnight bag packed and everything. *sigh*
O-well. And, yes - before anyone asks - it was perfectly safe for me to go there and spend the night...I have known Rob G since I was 14 and we briefly & periodically dated after high school.(which is all relative, really)... You see, here's what I've come to realize over the past few weeks/months - I haven't been able to commit to going out with someone recently; because for as much as I loved Lou, he left a bad taste in my mouth, so to speak. I already have a lack of love for people as it is. It just makes me a little more nervous and trepidacious to think that if someone who has known me for all these years and (theoretically) loved me could emotionally fuck me in the ass like that SO easily and without any real effort, remorse or fear of consequences; only to immediatley discard everything without so much as second thought...If he could do that and prove all his words were lies... then what would my odds be with someone I don't know?
Besides all of that, or maybe because of it - I have no real desire to go out and put on my "date face". I do not have the emotional capacity OR the patience right now to sit across from someone and have the "get to know you" banter that has to happen when you meet someone. I am quite the exepert at the "everything is fine" routine, but really, I don't have the energy for it. The thought of doing that makes me want to vomit. Lou destroyed a piece of me and a good portion of my peace of mind. I know how the dating game works, I just dont want to be bothered playing it. I am not "me" right now and I don't know where I went. Rob knows my deal; he always knows my deal. And the way I look at it is like this - if someone has seen me at my absolute worst and being the snarkiest man-eating little bitch out there...yet STILL wants to date me - well that's pretty rare.
Anyway, we agreed we would go out once he got back from Euro, but it probably won't happen. He travels too much, I travel too much during the summer & we're never home at the same time. I'm pretty sure I'll see him at TJ's on the 16th but I already have plans to be there with my friends so....
Looks like I will be keeping the title, crown & scepter for "Queen of Celibacy" We're coming up on the 6 month mark now. *damns self for being overly picky* One of these days I'll find someone worth my time & effort. *hopes*
The way I figure it is this: when someone worth it happens to come my way, I doubt I'll be able to come up with excuses to tell myself or anyone else. That's normally how it works with me. Even if I don't consciously realize it, apparently my subconscious does & stops wanting to pull excuses out of my ass.
Ok, it's not a real juicy or good story...
But it's a story =)
So, Wednesday night was the first time I made an actual date since Lou & I broke up. I've attempted it before, but I would never actually commit to a date, time, or (if I'm completely honest)...return a phone call. It seems I would like the idea of starting to date again - but I just couldn't bring myself to actually do it. Because you know, had I actually agreed to a date time or place - I knew I would end up standing the person up or cancelling at the last moment...more likely than not. So I avoided the agreeing to anything; until this week.
However - we called the date off anyway. Yes, you read correctly. No date occurred.
No, it wasn't just me...WE. I attempted to rush home & get ready and had almost accomplished it. But bad weather = horrible traffic that worked against us. I was actually ready by 8pm. He however, did not get home until almost 9pm. And... well that's just entirely too late for me to consider leaving the house during the week. He knows that. Besides, he was leaving for Europe on business the next day (yesterday) - what was I going to do, go to his house and watch him pack for an hour before I had to go to sleep? Not exactly fun. I had an overnight bag packed and everything. *sigh*
O-well. And, yes - before anyone asks - it was perfectly safe for me to go there and spend the night...I have known Rob G since I was 14 and we briefly & periodically dated after high school.(which is all relative, really)... You see, here's what I've come to realize over the past few weeks/months - I haven't been able to commit to going out with someone recently; because for as much as I loved Lou, he left a bad taste in my mouth, so to speak. I already have a lack of love for people as it is. It just makes me a little more nervous and trepidacious to think that if someone who has known me for all these years and (theoretically) loved me could emotionally fuck me in the ass like that SO easily and without any real effort, remorse or fear of consequences; only to immediatley discard everything without so much as second thought...If he could do that and prove all his words were lies... then what would my odds be with someone I don't know?
Besides all of that, or maybe because of it - I have no real desire to go out and put on my "date face". I do not have the emotional capacity OR the patience right now to sit across from someone and have the "get to know you" banter that has to happen when you meet someone. I am quite the exepert at the "everything is fine" routine, but really, I don't have the energy for it. The thought of doing that makes me want to vomit. Lou destroyed a piece of me and a good portion of my peace of mind. I know how the dating game works, I just dont want to be bothered playing it. I am not "me" right now and I don't know where I went. Rob knows my deal; he always knows my deal. And the way I look at it is like this - if someone has seen me at my absolute worst and being the snarkiest man-eating little bitch out there...yet STILL wants to date me - well that's pretty rare.
Anyway, we agreed we would go out once he got back from Euro, but it probably won't happen. He travels too much, I travel too much during the summer & we're never home at the same time. I'm pretty sure I'll see him at TJ's on the 16th but I already have plans to be there with my friends so....
Looks like I will be keeping the title, crown & scepter for "Queen of Celibacy" We're coming up on the 6 month mark now. *damns self for being overly picky* One of these days I'll find someone worth my time & effort. *hopes*
The way I figure it is this: when someone worth it happens to come my way, I doubt I'll be able to come up with excuses to tell myself or anyone else. That's normally how it works with me. Even if I don't consciously realize it, apparently my subconscious does & stops wanting to pull excuses out of my ass.
Ok, it's not a real juicy or good story...
But it's a story =)