(no subject)
I've been changing...for the better. Just had to let the good news flow ♥. But that's about as far as my good news goes...I've been having problems. Yes, more. My best friend is changing too; for the worse. I just need help to get through to her. I care about her so much & there's nothing else I can do. I've done as much as my body & heart will allow, it's up to her. Life is good, but life is bad at the same time right now. I don't know how I do it, like today was a horrible day. But through it all, I kept smiling. I keep my feelings in too often to keep away from hurting someone else. But sometimes I just need to say something. Otherwise, it eats away at me until I can't take it anymore, & then I do something stupid. But that's all changing, because I'm getting a lot more into the whole church scene. Good people =). I've always been a half-way christian. Like, I'd get really excited about God & I'm on fire, but then its like all of a sudden, something makes me lose my drive. It's truth time; I'm not going to make up a story about how good I was all my life. I've always been "good", but spiritually horrible. I've come to find that you can be good as a citizen, but as far as God goes, you can be just terrible. I've always repented & such for everything, but then I just don't take everything I asked for forgiveness for to heart. But something happened this week. I went to a church called Faith Baptist, or as the cool kids call it, FBC. I met some of the most amazing people. I felt more at home in the 2 1/2 hours I was there than I've ever felt in the 10+ years I've been at my church. Something in me changed that night. I realized that I don't like how I am. I like myself, but I know God doesn't approve of everything I am, or am coming close to be. Don't get me wrong, I'm no druggie or anything like that, but just things I may say or talk about. I want to change. & I've been changing...for the better Keri. I never want to go down a road that will make me struggle to get back on the right track. & surrounding myself with people who lift me up instead of bring me down is a great step. Like one of my best friends, Monika, she was the reason I started going to this church. But I had no clue that I'd find what I did that night. She's definitely going to be a big part of my change, I know it. I want to be a better me, someone God would be proud of. I'm getting there; slowly, but surely.