humble pie...tasty...
in less then a year i have gone from being one cocky bitch, to a rather humble person in the world. I went from thinking me me me to being a piece of a pie, that i really have nothing to offer, untill i gain something. I left home the conquring bitch who feared none, and returned the midly amused adolesent who couldnt handle the world. In about a year, i have done a 360 in every way managale, i have grown up, ran away, confused, and been confused in this daily game known as life. I assumed all my smartness and sass would give me the world, all i had to do was say hello. I was wrong. It takes a lot more then sass, smarts, and an hello to get anywhere. You cant just go somewhere and exxpect to be welcomed, enjoyed, or even liked. You earn those things through ur actions, your words, and you experince.
I have burned more bridges then i care to admit, and cried when i faced reality, i have hurt more people then i can remember, and have done myself wrong more then once. That is growoing up, you have to start, before you can find out i guess...
I owe this whole epitimay of sorts to one man, who over a course of 2 weeks knew more about me then i knew myself, he made me grow up, and he did it without regret or a care. in his words "i am who i am, deal with it". though i wish i could write here how much this was great, alas i must admit i only hold fainting hope that it works, you see i burned that bridge and in a hurry, i was wrong for what i said, what i did, and most of all what i didnt say. Given a second chance, i would say thank you, i love you, and most of all help me. I would tell him his freedom scares me, and his perspective of the world inspries me. In short, i would say, 'you make me want to be a woman'. but i cant say those things now, if ever. I knocked myself into a hole, and im trying to get myself out. I pushed when i wanted comfort, and pulled when i got it. i confused him and confused me. He didnt deserve this, he never has. If at anypoint in my life i am givin the oppurtunity to share my wonderful life changing moment it would be this one, this one i write now, and perhaps am inspired by forever.
I have been knocked down, hit rock bottom as they have say, but never in my life have i felt so free, so inspried, so....
me.
i will work my way up, make a life worth living, and one day i will dedicate my best to him.
p.s.
people are put in your life for various reasons, dont ignore it. and i hope one day, maybe one day, i can sit down with you, smile and say hello.
I have burned more bridges then i care to admit, and cried when i faced reality, i have hurt more people then i can remember, and have done myself wrong more then once. That is growoing up, you have to start, before you can find out i guess...
I owe this whole epitimay of sorts to one man, who over a course of 2 weeks knew more about me then i knew myself, he made me grow up, and he did it without regret or a care. in his words "i am who i am, deal with it". though i wish i could write here how much this was great, alas i must admit i only hold fainting hope that it works, you see i burned that bridge and in a hurry, i was wrong for what i said, what i did, and most of all what i didnt say. Given a second chance, i would say thank you, i love you, and most of all help me. I would tell him his freedom scares me, and his perspective of the world inspries me. In short, i would say, 'you make me want to be a woman'. but i cant say those things now, if ever. I knocked myself into a hole, and im trying to get myself out. I pushed when i wanted comfort, and pulled when i got it. i confused him and confused me. He didnt deserve this, he never has. If at anypoint in my life i am givin the oppurtunity to share my wonderful life changing moment it would be this one, this one i write now, and perhaps am inspired by forever.
I have been knocked down, hit rock bottom as they have say, but never in my life have i felt so free, so inspried, so....
me.
i will work my way up, make a life worth living, and one day i will dedicate my best to him.
p.s.
people are put in your life for various reasons, dont ignore it. and i hope one day, maybe one day, i can sit down with you, smile and say hello.