108; It's Not You, It's Me- But I Think This Is For The Best, Yes?
Being out of highschool has probably done the worst thing to my friend half circle.
I call it a half circle because its like weak line that likes to curve and pretend to be a circle sometimes.
I've never been one to keep friends for long- it's just difficult for me to keep trying to remind myself that they care when it's painfully clear that they don't.
I'm not angry. People have their own lives and that's great.
I know I'm horrible to make plans with because I'm such a depressive shit and sometimes I'm annoying and a little illogical.
I'm just sad and a bit upset that my social life has drained to the point where I feel uncomfortable talking about my life and goings on with people I used to always talk to. Because now I don't see them everyday and frankly- no one has made the effort to even see me once in a while.
Yes, God damnit. I'm complaining. And I'm hurt. And I feel abandoned and small because it's like no one ever thinks "hey- I really want to see Angie and I'm going to make damn sure that we'll make a plan and follow through on it".
It's understandable that maybe some people just don't want to keep in touch with me- but fucking Christ, couldn't you just say that to me point blank? I hate the 'I'm just gonna fade away' thing because it leaves me thinking about it.
Even worse- I hate it when they send you a "hey how are you i miss you blah blah blah' and then you think 'yeah! Let;s hang out!' and you know that that is NEVER going to happen- but you just wanted to hope for it a little bit.
So yeah. I deleted my real life friends from LJ because I really don't think they'll care and I don't even know if they're my friends anymore. And that sucks huge.
And I'm leaving this post public because if they DO care, they at least deserve to know why I'm trying not to give a shit anymore.
This isn't highschool.
Your circle of friends changes and I accept this and I'm embracing this.
Okay. I'm not just a little bit hurt. I'm really hurt.
I'm lonely all the time and I'm acting like I'm five years old but whatever.