(no subject)
i'm sick and i just need to sleep but i still can't. i haven't really in a week. thats probably how i got to this point. all the songs that used to sing me to sleep keep me awake.
that said, i'm not going to talk about what happened. i feel like summing our relationship up in one definitive live journal entry, conversation, etc., would be cheap. it was so much more to me than that. i'm not going to advertise my sadness all over the internet but just because its not apparent not in my facebook status doesn't mean i'm not feeling it. and i'm sick of people, some of my best friends included, reading the things i post on the internet to make assumptions about my emotional state. i'm sick of being a topic of interest just because i'm going through a break up. so i'm letting this be my one digital emotional outpouring because i know that the only people who read this are people that i'm fairly close to and i feel that i owe those people somewhat of an explanation. i'm totally run down. i'm sick, i'm tired, i'm sad, i'm scared, i'm lonely. but i need to keep moving. (as soon as i get myself unsick.) i'm going to be kind of absent from livejournal and the internet in general. it just makes me sad and forces me to dwell on things. so i guess that's kind of the point of this entry. i need to drop off the grid a bit. i'm not exiling myself, i also need more face time with people. call me, text me, hang out with me. i just don't like this awkward culture the internet has created that forces/encourages people to deal with their problems publicly. and as melodramatic as i can be, when something really truly bothers me, i don't want it all over the place and i don't want to have to explain myself to people who mean nothing to me. expressing annoyance or disappointment is one thing but i don't need everyone to see how beaten down i am. it just feels wrong. see you in real life.
that said, i'm not going to talk about what happened. i feel like summing our relationship up in one definitive live journal entry, conversation, etc., would be cheap. it was so much more to me than that. i'm not going to advertise my sadness all over the internet but just because its not apparent not in my facebook status doesn't mean i'm not feeling it. and i'm sick of people, some of my best friends included, reading the things i post on the internet to make assumptions about my emotional state. i'm sick of being a topic of interest just because i'm going through a break up. so i'm letting this be my one digital emotional outpouring because i know that the only people who read this are people that i'm fairly close to and i feel that i owe those people somewhat of an explanation. i'm totally run down. i'm sick, i'm tired, i'm sad, i'm scared, i'm lonely. but i need to keep moving. (as soon as i get myself unsick.) i'm going to be kind of absent from livejournal and the internet in general. it just makes me sad and forces me to dwell on things. so i guess that's kind of the point of this entry. i need to drop off the grid a bit. i'm not exiling myself, i also need more face time with people. call me, text me, hang out with me. i just don't like this awkward culture the internet has created that forces/encourages people to deal with their problems publicly. and as melodramatic as i can be, when something really truly bothers me, i don't want it all over the place and i don't want to have to explain myself to people who mean nothing to me. expressing annoyance or disappointment is one thing but i don't need everyone to see how beaten down i am. it just feels wrong. see you in real life.