(no subject)
My self-esteem has been shot.
I've been home alone since 4:10 this after-noon, My boyfriend had to work then he decided he was going to go out with friends. Not that I mind, I was just a little agravated when he and one of his friends said we were all going to hang out and they ended up just walking me home.
So I've been laying on my couch Flicking through the channels when I seen a show that made me feel like shit and very insecure. I have learned that good looking people tend to grow -finacially- Alot quicker then not so good looking people. And that being good looking you get alot more out of life.
I know most of you will contradict me on this but, it hurt to hear that. It made me feel like I was going to end up nowhere in life and that no matter what the people who used to bully me and such will still be able to boss me around, seeing as how they'll be my boss.
When will life become easier? I'm fed up with always being second best. When it comes to my realtionship, it's always Friends first. When it comes to my family, it's the material objects that mean more.
The most depressing part is that I can't even seem to please myself. I never seem to do anything right and no matter how hard I try, I can never get it right.
No matter how long I clean the house for, it's never clean enough. No matter how long I try to look good, it's never enough.
No matter how hard I try to do something, I'm never quite satisfied.
As you can tell, things with my mom aren't getting any better, and my relationship is like a kid playing with a yo-yo. Sometimes it's great and then soon enough things hit rock bottom. We're always scared to speak our minds now, because we don't know how the other is going to react, even thoughI'm usually the one to freak out. I don't know why, but everything seems to start an argument.
It's getting late, And I'm going to bed...
I've been home alone since 4:10 this after-noon, My boyfriend had to work then he decided he was going to go out with friends. Not that I mind, I was just a little agravated when he and one of his friends said we were all going to hang out and they ended up just walking me home.
So I've been laying on my couch Flicking through the channels when I seen a show that made me feel like shit and very insecure. I have learned that good looking people tend to grow -finacially- Alot quicker then not so good looking people. And that being good looking you get alot more out of life.
I know most of you will contradict me on this but, it hurt to hear that. It made me feel like I was going to end up nowhere in life and that no matter what the people who used to bully me and such will still be able to boss me around, seeing as how they'll be my boss.
When will life become easier? I'm fed up with always being second best. When it comes to my realtionship, it's always Friends first. When it comes to my family, it's the material objects that mean more.
The most depressing part is that I can't even seem to please myself. I never seem to do anything right and no matter how hard I try, I can never get it right.
No matter how long I clean the house for, it's never clean enough. No matter how long I try to look good, it's never enough.
No matter how hard I try to do something, I'm never quite satisfied.
As you can tell, things with my mom aren't getting any better, and my relationship is like a kid playing with a yo-yo. Sometimes it's great and then soon enough things hit rock bottom. We're always scared to speak our minds now, because we don't know how the other is going to react, even thoughI'm usually the one to freak out. I don't know why, but everything seems to start an argument.
It's getting late, And I'm going to bed...