(no subject)
Ive been so sick of losing friends that have been so close to me. Recently it just seems like the world has been playing head games with me. I think i have met some of the coolest people ever this year. The softball team is amazing, but if i had not been on the softball team, i doubt we would have ever gotten to know eacother past hi. Julie and i have been talking a lot recently, and she took me home the other day because practice ended early. I seem to find her hilarious, and we feed off eachother. and there seems to be this bond, and its one of the coolest things ever. But im so afraid of losing relationships again, and perhaps for the rest of my life. I know i have to face the real world. i am not unfortunatley going to be able to keep in contact with some of my friends. perhaps the last time we will see eachother is graduation. im actually scared to move on, and i have made some friendships that i couldnt find anywhere else. and the bonds that we have right now.
also, some of my other friends from davis have been weird. fortunatley, a friend was able to get me and someone else back together. im still kind of upset with the whole situation. but the thing is, im too nice. people will screw with me. i have been pretty mean recently. being that in biology, i dont really have anyone except for carly, i kinda just hang around with her. so we were doing this one group project thing.. and jackie (who gets a long with pretty much everyone else in the class) was their 4th person. so i asked carly, and she was just like oh, we already have 4 people. so her group did it completly wrong, and she kept asking me for help. and i was in such a like screw you mode. and she doesnt really have anyone else in band excpet for michelle l. who wasnt there today. so she goes michelle! (when i was getting my bag.) and all i did was smile and walk past and kinda said hi. ive been so nice to her. and it was just the way she did it.
im just so sick of people screwing around with me. like i feel so used/ abused recently. ive been under a lot of stress, and ive had sleep deprivation. its not really fair to anyone. but when people are mean to me now im just in like the screw you. you screw me, i can play the same game. usually, im so much better than that. with mary being unstable, and seeing andrew in pain to have to see that.. just completley drains me.
so with that whole love crap or whatever. ive liked this kid forever. and i seriously love him to death. but i dont know. im just not sure who to trust right now. but im getting closer to someone who ive wanted to for a while. also, im getting back in with sarah, and now i dont think amy has a problem with me now.
but, i am really appreciative of my friends. i guess im just so paraniod, and now im so ready for stuff to go wrong. this past year has been the lowest i think ive ever gotten. but i really appreciate my friends for bringing me back up. music was a struggle for a while. expecially band, and playing bass. its the hardest thing to explain, and i never want to be that low again. ever ever ever.
hmm... trevor is section leader :] while sarah is gone, tom and i are going to be lonley.. so were going to skateboard together, and were going to rock out together too. but sarah, tom, and i are going to have a tim burton movie fest :] horray. so thats going to be all night
on sunday i get to hear my grandma bitch to me about how perfect my cousins are and all that other bull. and how they have such nice stuff. and its like no shit, try their filthy rich!!! :[
so if you want to call go ahead...
im so ready for summer to start. AND FOR SURE MARCHING BAND!
so ive decided i suck at the sax. i think ill just stick to trombone, tuba, and bass.
i want to be in a ska band so bad. and one that doesnt suck. hehe. but i need to get way better at trombone if i would. i might be able to make it on bass.. but guitar wouldnt be a problem if i were in a ska band. hmm...
also, some of my other friends from davis have been weird. fortunatley, a friend was able to get me and someone else back together. im still kind of upset with the whole situation. but the thing is, im too nice. people will screw with me. i have been pretty mean recently. being that in biology, i dont really have anyone except for carly, i kinda just hang around with her. so we were doing this one group project thing.. and jackie (who gets a long with pretty much everyone else in the class) was their 4th person. so i asked carly, and she was just like oh, we already have 4 people. so her group did it completly wrong, and she kept asking me for help. and i was in such a like screw you mode. and she doesnt really have anyone else in band excpet for michelle l. who wasnt there today. so she goes michelle! (when i was getting my bag.) and all i did was smile and walk past and kinda said hi. ive been so nice to her. and it was just the way she did it.
im just so sick of people screwing around with me. like i feel so used/ abused recently. ive been under a lot of stress, and ive had sleep deprivation. its not really fair to anyone. but when people are mean to me now im just in like the screw you. you screw me, i can play the same game. usually, im so much better than that. with mary being unstable, and seeing andrew in pain to have to see that.. just completley drains me.
so with that whole love crap or whatever. ive liked this kid forever. and i seriously love him to death. but i dont know. im just not sure who to trust right now. but im getting closer to someone who ive wanted to for a while. also, im getting back in with sarah, and now i dont think amy has a problem with me now.
but, i am really appreciative of my friends. i guess im just so paraniod, and now im so ready for stuff to go wrong. this past year has been the lowest i think ive ever gotten. but i really appreciate my friends for bringing me back up. music was a struggle for a while. expecially band, and playing bass. its the hardest thing to explain, and i never want to be that low again. ever ever ever.
hmm... trevor is section leader :] while sarah is gone, tom and i are going to be lonley.. so were going to skateboard together, and were going to rock out together too. but sarah, tom, and i are going to have a tim burton movie fest :] horray. so thats going to be all night
on sunday i get to hear my grandma bitch to me about how perfect my cousins are and all that other bull. and how they have such nice stuff. and its like no shit, try their filthy rich!!! :[
so if you want to call go ahead...
im so ready for summer to start. AND FOR SURE MARCHING BAND!
so ive decided i suck at the sax. i think ill just stick to trombone, tuba, and bass.
i want to be in a ska band so bad. and one that doesnt suck. hehe. but i need to get way better at trombone if i would. i might be able to make it on bass.. but guitar wouldnt be a problem if i were in a ska band. hmm...