So alone, I bleed myself right in...
"You are precious.
Make me special.
I am ugly, lost in you beauty.
All around me no one can love me.
I am sorry...I am so dirty.
I break, falling further each day.
Make these bad dreams go away.
You touch me, feal you touching me.
I break, make it go away again...
All around me why won't you trust me.
I am dirty from where they touch me.
I break, falling further each day.
Make these bad dreams go away.
You touch me, feal you touching me.
I break, make it go away again...
All I want is someone to love me.
But who can ever love a freak.
Every day it's all the same, but I live this.
I don't know why, but i keep on giving.
I am a child traped in your adult world.
No one can love me.
Call me a little girl.
Oh and you push me.
You make me so loving.
You push me I'm nothing.
So why won't you trust me.
I break, falling further each day.
Make these bad dreams go away.
You touch me, feel you touching me.
I break, make it go away again...
You are precious...
Make me special...
I am dirty...From where they touched me."
3 O'clock Love Letter by Factory 81
So who would have known...I am procrastinating again. Well...I did get my 20 bibliographies done...but I'm not studying for my Anatomy and Physiology test.
I really need to start focusing on school work more. I'm starting to slack and then I beat myself up for getting low grades.
I went through this whole "I'm stupid" phase the past few days. I just can't grasp anything like I used to...perhaps it's because I've been thinking about other things more than school work. I need to quit being a fuck up...seems I've been letting everyone down lately.
Yes...sorry I'm such a fuck up, I can't get anything right anymore.
Ohhh...I need to fill out my application for Appleton this week. Everything has to be in before the 23rd. Thus I need to make copies of my fall semester grades, a copy of my spring semester courses, and a few other things. Great thing is, I will be making $14.75 an hour. So lets see...I will be getting 7 days a week...8 hours a day...roughly $826 a week. Since they pay every other week it will roughly be (without taxes) $1652 every two weeks. Almost three grand a month for four months...without taxes it would be $13,216 for four months work. I hope to hell I get in...I need the money. I need to do something with my life. I'm getting sick of sitting around and taking peoples shit. This really needs to work out...though I will be putting my application in other places just in case. Ahhh...to think of what I could get with that money...I want a new car...don't need it...want it. I could really use my own place. Doesn't matter anyway, once I graduate...my ass is gone. I will not live here any longer than what I have to. I should just move to Texas with my dad...then I would have a place to stay until I was familiar with the area and saved enough money to get out on my own. Then again his company might pay for me to move...I will have to look into it.
Tomorrow...tomorrow I am going to buy myself a new phone. Of course since no one will pay for it...it's going to have to be a pay as you go shit phone. I plan on getting a Virgin mobile...anybody have any ideas? How are their phones?
I think tomorrow I'm going over to Ricks house...whether he knows it or not. I really need someone to talk to...but I can never get ahold of anyone...so...he will have to listen to me bitch. Can't let him see me cry though...oh wait he already has. He will understand...he is one of very few that do. Plus I miss him...and we never did get to finish watching that movie ^_^ That and it's been like 3 weeks since I've seen him last. Sorry!
Anyway...I've made up my mind...I'm going to Ozzfest even if I have to go alone or resort to asking if Bruce will go with me. God...those were some good times...I need to get ahold of him. I'm sure he has a gf and won't hang out with me anyway...but it's worth a try. Or I will force his ass to come to Altoona. Besides I still need to give him his beanie back. But I'm sick of dicking around with people who can't make up their minds. I'm really getting sick of being dicked around by everyone.
To anyone who cares, next week is my spring break. If you would like to do anything let me know by this weekend. If you don't, I will be going on my own little trip. I'm sick of waiting for people to make up their minds.
Well I'm out...I have studying to do and I need to go the hell to bed.
Everyone have a good night.
- Kyoko