Life, Guys, Love, & ...
Well things are going pretty well. I should be starting school at the end of the month... eeeppp. Oh well, it’s time. I took the 2 years off that I wanted once I finished high school. It was good. Got to relax and just have fun. Now to settle back down a wee bit to start school. Right now am going to be upgrading my marks for the courses I want to take at Grant Macwein (think that is how it’s spelt LOL). Am going to be taking. Journalism, Design Study, & A Bachelor Of Science. I was going to take a small business one but everyone says that what I have is enough. Beside few have said that if I did take a small business course with what I already have it would be suicidal. We’ll see I can always go back and take small business if I really want it. So now I have to go and get my time table and all. I start at the end of August. I feel all weird but yet good. Everyone in my family is happy. Being the first out of 8 kids to go to collage and am the youngest at that. They just put so much hope and dreams in me. Like when I was accepted into the Canadian Armed Forces. I got in and everything I was all set to leave with my ticket to head out to Quebec. I was younger then and stupid. So I ran away, plus I realized it wasn’t for me. Oh well. Anyways I hope not to let them down with my school. I don’t want to disappoint them once again.
Moving along... I miss Vincent *le sigh*. More than words can say. He just apart of me and has a big part of my heart. Plus me and him can talk about anything at all in the world. Plus we talk about life, love, and everything in between that. I love him so much and have for the wonderful 3 years have know him. I really one time in my life wanted to be with him. But as he once said “I love you so much, but we are just not meant to be” So I will still go on loving him with every breath I take and every heart beat my heart makes. Just right now with all the stress from school and my family. I just really need someone to talk to. Someone who knows me and all. Someone I feel so close to who is apart of me as much as I am of them. He beside my hubby Alex is one of them. We send each other off-lines... still not the same as sitting here and everything. Plus the fact I miss see his so beautiful face. The face I can look at and everything fades away and all I can do is smile as I look at him. Oh well... we both have our lives least we still talk. Oh yeah and I hate the fucking post office! They lost the fucking package I sent him awhile back. Am so mad. I will need to try send another one. Hopefully soon.
Well Alex Frost Noir. The wonderful main man of my little life. *hearts a flow* We are still close and working out our problems... Still going on strong after over 2 years of marriage. He is so sweet and he is my pillar in my life and much as I am his. Am thankful to have met him and have him in my life. Just all the sweetest things said to me were done by him. He still remembers telling me them and re says them as well. The mains ones are
“I’m gonna be here, I’ll be the column, The pillar that won’t let you fall”
“You just become a part of me that I can’t let go that easy”
those words alone help me. To know that he is out there and believes in me and cares so much for me and is not scared to show it. He even has given me the right to use his last name. The sweetest jester any guy has done for me. He is a wonderful hubby and awesome best friend. I love him dearly.
I been thinking of my ex fiancee Keith Gibson. He was my first real love. God we went thru so much fucking shit and crap. Was crazy, yet we still made it thru and stayed best friends. I just hope he is ok and doing well for himself. A part of me will always worry, wonder, and care about him. Just we haven’t talk in a time. Since he moved I can’t write to him or call him. He is not online as much... so am sitting here waiting to see him come on to talk to him and see how he is. I hope he is safe.
Myles, my dearest. My never ending lover. This guy loves me to no ends. He will always love me no matter what. I can be with someone dating them and he will still be there for me listening to me talk about the person am seeing and all. He gives me advice as well on stuff. He just wants me to be happy. I love him so dearly. He means a lot to me. Hell I wanted to marry him so badly. Things didn’t go well so now we are good close friends. I hope he is ok. I miss him, we don’t get to talk how we use to. We use to talk a lot. From net to the damn phone. Sometimes all night... from sunset to sunrise. I have so many times thought what is would be like to well have sex with him. He just hella hot and I love him only natural. But yeah I wish him well and hope I get to talk to him sometime soon. He always has the best effect on me. Makes the me smile when am so close to crying, makes me laugh when I was screaming my head off. Just awesome. He is just Myles in my heart. The guy I love dearly and my good friend. Just wish I could talk how we use too. I want to go see him am thinking maybe I will go stay and visit with him during spring break. We’ll see, but am planning on it so much.
Josh, my dearest sweet guy. Well once was now he gone to be a big asshole. I don’t know. He is not the guy I once loved and cared for. He has changed and I don’t think he cares and loves me anymore... he was my best friend. Good, now he’s like a player or something. Am just another girl in the pile is seems. Thou I been there for him for 3 years. I don’t know I guess cause how much he has been hurt. And the fact that me and him no matter what we tried never worked out. We loved each other and it was so great. Just something happened and we just parted and remind friends. Am so worried for him and all. I still love and care for him so much, more than anything as well. All these guys I talked about have and will hold a special place in my heart for all of my life I can never forget them nor stop loving them. I would give anything to spend some time with josh and just try see how he is now. Try and see if my old Joshy is some where in this guy now I call josh. Makes me cry to think of it all. But he has been hurt and all. So I understand. Thou I wish he wouldn’t push me out... I miss him so fucking much he can never see or know it. And if I tell him he pushed it back in my face or doesn’t believe it and it hurts so much. Like a stab in my heart. I will still be here and loving him. Forever.
Anyways took Chase and Dakota to camp today. Was nice drive. Chase was bit scared and kinda got tears in his eyes. He never went to that camp before so it was new to him. Dakota been there before so he had no problem going. I hope Chase makes friends and has fun. I love those boys a lot. After dropping them off when to the beach for a bit. Was nice. Some guy was eyeing me in the water and came over smiling and we swam together talking. He tried to kiss me, but I moved my face and told him no. He nodded and asked why. So I told him I was dating someone and that am very much in love with him. He understood and said that the guy was lucky. I smiled and said I was lucky for having him too. Well I never got the guy’s name. Cause I had to leave so, to that stranger who I met at the beach. Thanks for the swim and the laughs. I don’t know why but all guys tell me the guy who ends up with me or am dating at the time is so lucky to have me. My brothers Devin, Joe, & Blue all say that about me. My Guys Vincent, Josh, Alex, Myles, And Matt. Plus all my chick friends and guy friends. It’s weird. I don’t know why. Still makes me wonder. Am not that great really.... but oh well. Anyways came home eat and watched tv. Got on net to killed time and to try get my mind off the whole Luke thing above this paragraph. Didn’t work! Talked to my Wifey Dez about it, the Sexxxi Lexxxi, Kate The Lover, and Sarah My Crush. Plus he came online. Oh, OKtober, was online talked to him a bit. Stuff bad is happening with him... awwwies I wish I could help him. Ok I got feelings for this guy I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help it... it just something about him. Just want to be there for him and the fact I like it best when he bites my neck. Fucker the first time he bit my neck he left a mark on my neck that last close to a month... but I liked it. Hell I still got that dirty story he wrote about us. *giggles and smiles* oh yeah... but no bad me don’t think about it. Anyways logged off and went for a walk. And here where we find me now. Doing this. Well that really all. Right now going to write some more and I think am going to let Luke teach me the guitar. Anyways off for now. Byes
~Haven*Starlight*Static-Noir~
(P.S: I so still love my new last name... so sweet and sounds good)
Moving along... I miss Vincent *le sigh*. More than words can say. He just apart of me and has a big part of my heart. Plus me and him can talk about anything at all in the world. Plus we talk about life, love, and everything in between that. I love him so much and have for the wonderful 3 years have know him. I really one time in my life wanted to be with him. But as he once said “I love you so much, but we are just not meant to be” So I will still go on loving him with every breath I take and every heart beat my heart makes. Just right now with all the stress from school and my family. I just really need someone to talk to. Someone who knows me and all. Someone I feel so close to who is apart of me as much as I am of them. He beside my hubby Alex is one of them. We send each other off-lines... still not the same as sitting here and everything. Plus the fact I miss see his so beautiful face. The face I can look at and everything fades away and all I can do is smile as I look at him. Oh well... we both have our lives least we still talk. Oh yeah and I hate the fucking post office! They lost the fucking package I sent him awhile back. Am so mad. I will need to try send another one. Hopefully soon.
Well Alex Frost Noir. The wonderful main man of my little life. *hearts a flow* We are still close and working out our problems... Still going on strong after over 2 years of marriage. He is so sweet and he is my pillar in my life and much as I am his. Am thankful to have met him and have him in my life. Just all the sweetest things said to me were done by him. He still remembers telling me them and re says them as well. The mains ones are
“I’m gonna be here, I’ll be the column, The pillar that won’t let you fall”
“You just become a part of me that I can’t let go that easy”
those words alone help me. To know that he is out there and believes in me and cares so much for me and is not scared to show it. He even has given me the right to use his last name. The sweetest jester any guy has done for me. He is a wonderful hubby and awesome best friend. I love him dearly.
I been thinking of my ex fiancee Keith Gibson. He was my first real love. God we went thru so much fucking shit and crap. Was crazy, yet we still made it thru and stayed best friends. I just hope he is ok and doing well for himself. A part of me will always worry, wonder, and care about him. Just we haven’t talk in a time. Since he moved I can’t write to him or call him. He is not online as much... so am sitting here waiting to see him come on to talk to him and see how he is. I hope he is safe.
Myles, my dearest. My never ending lover. This guy loves me to no ends. He will always love me no matter what. I can be with someone dating them and he will still be there for me listening to me talk about the person am seeing and all. He gives me advice as well on stuff. He just wants me to be happy. I love him so dearly. He means a lot to me. Hell I wanted to marry him so badly. Things didn’t go well so now we are good close friends. I hope he is ok. I miss him, we don’t get to talk how we use to. We use to talk a lot. From net to the damn phone. Sometimes all night... from sunset to sunrise. I have so many times thought what is would be like to well have sex with him. He just hella hot and I love him only natural. But yeah I wish him well and hope I get to talk to him sometime soon. He always has the best effect on me. Makes the me smile when am so close to crying, makes me laugh when I was screaming my head off. Just awesome. He is just Myles in my heart. The guy I love dearly and my good friend. Just wish I could talk how we use too. I want to go see him am thinking maybe I will go stay and visit with him during spring break. We’ll see, but am planning on it so much.
Josh, my dearest sweet guy. Well once was now he gone to be a big asshole. I don’t know. He is not the guy I once loved and cared for. He has changed and I don’t think he cares and loves me anymore... he was my best friend. Good, now he’s like a player or something. Am just another girl in the pile is seems. Thou I been there for him for 3 years. I don’t know I guess cause how much he has been hurt. And the fact that me and him no matter what we tried never worked out. We loved each other and it was so great. Just something happened and we just parted and remind friends. Am so worried for him and all. I still love and care for him so much, more than anything as well. All these guys I talked about have and will hold a special place in my heart for all of my life I can never forget them nor stop loving them. I would give anything to spend some time with josh and just try see how he is now. Try and see if my old Joshy is some where in this guy now I call josh. Makes me cry to think of it all. But he has been hurt and all. So I understand. Thou I wish he wouldn’t push me out... I miss him so fucking much he can never see or know it. And if I tell him he pushed it back in my face or doesn’t believe it and it hurts so much. Like a stab in my heart. I will still be here and loving him. Forever.
Anyways took Chase and Dakota to camp today. Was nice drive. Chase was bit scared and kinda got tears in his eyes. He never went to that camp before so it was new to him. Dakota been there before so he had no problem going. I hope Chase makes friends and has fun. I love those boys a lot. After dropping them off when to the beach for a bit. Was nice. Some guy was eyeing me in the water and came over smiling and we swam together talking. He tried to kiss me, but I moved my face and told him no. He nodded and asked why. So I told him I was dating someone and that am very much in love with him. He understood and said that the guy was lucky. I smiled and said I was lucky for having him too. Well I never got the guy’s name. Cause I had to leave so, to that stranger who I met at the beach. Thanks for the swim and the laughs. I don’t know why but all guys tell me the guy who ends up with me or am dating at the time is so lucky to have me. My brothers Devin, Joe, & Blue all say that about me. My Guys Vincent, Josh, Alex, Myles, And Matt. Plus all my chick friends and guy friends. It’s weird. I don’t know why. Still makes me wonder. Am not that great really.... but oh well. Anyways came home eat and watched tv. Got on net to killed time and to try get my mind off the whole Luke thing above this paragraph. Didn’t work! Talked to my Wifey Dez about it, the Sexxxi Lexxxi, Kate The Lover, and Sarah My Crush. Plus he came online. Oh, OKtober, was online talked to him a bit. Stuff bad is happening with him... awwwies I wish I could help him. Ok I got feelings for this guy I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help it... it just something about him. Just want to be there for him and the fact I like it best when he bites my neck. Fucker the first time he bit my neck he left a mark on my neck that last close to a month... but I liked it. Hell I still got that dirty story he wrote about us. *giggles and smiles* oh yeah... but no bad me don’t think about it. Anyways logged off and went for a walk. And here where we find me now. Doing this. Well that really all. Right now going to write some more and I think am going to let Luke teach me the guitar. Anyways off for now. Byes
~Haven*Starlight*Static-Noir~
(P.S: I so still love my new last name... so sweet and sounds good)