Mhmm.... Damn...
Well let's see life been a mess right now... My own out let to feel any better about myself is music... losing myself in it. Going to concerts yet but even in the crowd i get lose it in and fell so utterly alone! I missed cam's shows this weekend to go see slipknot! I seen cam play a good few times. Thou I'm their bandage! First one and their one man street team! But yeah on Tuesday is the sum 41 concert another show to get lost in! well i sat with my brother/father image blue. Him and brother jay been talking a lot on how i let one guy break me down. That guy forever ruined me. I mean it i totally changed how i looked for him and yeah just cause his friends hit on me whenever they were around even in front of him. SO i stop taking care of myself. And became the ugly thing i am now. I before i actually thought i looked good and love how i was active. I still I'm but still part of me still holds dear to him... but now I'm actually saying fuck it. I'm getting back into my boxing, my weight training, dancing, and coaching. So yeah going to be good. LOL so means am going to have less time for other things i don't need. Tomorrow starts my toning session with my brothers. lol good i miss the muscles i use to have. but well I am going to be how i am and I'm not doing it to land a guy or a girl... cause i landed myself the perfect guy in this whole fucking world... i mean it he makes me feel so great and wants me to be how i am. but I'm doing this for myself so i can go up to my ex asshole and laugh in his face and says "I'm over you! Took time but I did it and now look. I'm fine" yeah and then i can actually look back into the mirror and smile and like what i see and take out my old clothes i still have and wear them... god those clothes with some add ons and few changes will still look hot! but yeah for now i need sleep i got to work at 8 am... joys! well I feel pretty good!