And things were getting better. -_-
Honestly I thought things in my life were starting to finally go right. Still working at my old job but the people I'm working with and what I'm doing make it tolerable till I start on my career. I have loving friends who care about what I'm doing in life and love to hang out which is utterly awesome. Hell I've even started to finally go out partying more in a rather long time. ...and yet today has seemed to bring me to a deeper low than I have been in past depressed experiences. ::Sigh:: I don't understand why my heart won't move on but it decided that today was a wonderful day to just shatter into a thousand pieces as a reminder that it still longs for her.
After my ex had left for the navy everything started to work out fine since I really didn't think about her much anymore but of course she was in the back of my mind quite often. I've been enjoying more free time and hanging out with friends outside of gaming more and more which is something I neglected in the past and am rather sorry for doing so. Even when she came back from the navy after being discharged for medical I tried to keep my mind on other things. Of course the fact that I never even got a "Hey I'm back in town" or anything kinda annoyed me. Hell that should have been a sign to me but of course my heart never acknowledges such things...but moving on with the day's rant.
Work started out fine except for it being a 6am shift and me running late. I spent most of the day exhausted and just trying to get by and I made the mistake of going into Sav Ons to buy a cold drink and saw my ex working. Since I hadn't seen her at all since she came back I figured I'd go over and say hi. With me was one of my friends from work who was also on break and we started to chat for a sec and she literally just ignored the fact that I was even there and just started talking to my friend with her back turned towards me. Of course I just shrugged it off and checked out and went back to work. I'm not sure why it seemed to hurt me so bad but about an hour later after my mind had been dwelling on that for a bit I began to have the beginnings of a nervous breakdown. My body went completely numb and I was shaking for about an hour before I finally went on lunch to try and calm myself down enough to just get through the day.
Yay for lunch breaks...this one seems to have saved me from losing my job for doing something stupid. I can honestly say that today has been one of the lowest points I've been in for the past year and can't help but feel utterly alone... Everyone who was around me today at work who knew what was going on was telling me to just let it go...hell I seriously wanted to but of course I can't actually make myself... Unfortunately the hearts wants what it can't have and its slowly tearing me apart piece by piece...
After my ex had left for the navy everything started to work out fine since I really didn't think about her much anymore but of course she was in the back of my mind quite often. I've been enjoying more free time and hanging out with friends outside of gaming more and more which is something I neglected in the past and am rather sorry for doing so. Even when she came back from the navy after being discharged for medical I tried to keep my mind on other things. Of course the fact that I never even got a "Hey I'm back in town" or anything kinda annoyed me. Hell that should have been a sign to me but of course my heart never acknowledges such things...but moving on with the day's rant.
Work started out fine except for it being a 6am shift and me running late. I spent most of the day exhausted and just trying to get by and I made the mistake of going into Sav Ons to buy a cold drink and saw my ex working. Since I hadn't seen her at all since she came back I figured I'd go over and say hi. With me was one of my friends from work who was also on break and we started to chat for a sec and she literally just ignored the fact that I was even there and just started talking to my friend with her back turned towards me. Of course I just shrugged it off and checked out and went back to work. I'm not sure why it seemed to hurt me so bad but about an hour later after my mind had been dwelling on that for a bit I began to have the beginnings of a nervous breakdown. My body went completely numb and I was shaking for about an hour before I finally went on lunch to try and calm myself down enough to just get through the day.
Yay for lunch breaks...this one seems to have saved me from losing my job for doing something stupid. I can honestly say that today has been one of the lowest points I've been in for the past year and can't help but feel utterly alone... Everyone who was around me today at work who knew what was going on was telling me to just let it go...hell I seriously wanted to but of course I can't actually make myself... Unfortunately the hearts wants what it can't have and its slowly tearing me apart piece by piece...