Another day and still I wonder...
Today was supposed to be a day where I could relax and get some stress and anger out after all, its one of my few days off from work. Of course though life just loves to throw everything to hell when you feel like you have a chance to straighten things out. Past few nights have been kinda rough but getting better...strangely enough hanging out with friends late into the evening and watching them drink themselves into an alcohol induced stupor while somewhat buzzed myself has helped. Managed to even sort somethings out with the one I love that have been torturing me for the past few months.
I can honestly say now though that today has dropped me right back into the shit I've tried so hard not to think about. First few hours after reaching conciousness weren't so bad as I kinda just kept to myself in my bedroom playing WOW. Had plans to go to the movies later in the afternoon but I had a few hours so I merely wasted them away till the time drew closer. Didn't quite realize that the sister had laid claim to the bathroom for the next three hours or so...guess I didn't get the memo. She didn't even use it half the time but I was damned to hell if I tried to take a 10 minute shower by her or my mother. Then of course came a small detail about the vacation that I'm supposed to be going on next week. It really wasn't that big of a deal but it merely added to the mounting pressure from the past few months and well...I kinda let myself get carried away.
According to the parents I was supposed to be spending the next week that we're on vacation sleeping on the floor at the timeshare we have. Now...I was slightly peeved that out of all people I would have to sleep on the floor especially when everyone else in the family was gonna have been on four vacations by the end of the summer...and this was my single escape from my world of work, and the same old. To say the least the arguement went on for about a half hour making me begin to fall behind to get ready to go the movies. To say the least since my sister didn't give up the bathroom parents finally gave into me using theirs and then after all was said in done made me clean the entire bathroom for merely taking a shower...making me later pissing me off even more. I do apologize now to anyone reading this as its a major rant but still I'm venting...read on if you choose to.
Went and got food after finally abandoning the house and ended up going to a later showing of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. The rest of the day went by alright but much was still lingering after having returned home and resorting to venting on WOW again. Morons on the game didn't make me feel any better and to finish it all off my dad came in and began to go off on me about how I don't do anything. Started right out with accusing me of oweing him about...120 dollars. Now here's the deal...I give them money to be put aside for insurance the sort so I don't have to deal with it but he always treat it like its his money and that he needs it this instance even though he doesnt need it for a few more months. To say the least my mood went even further down the shitter as we began to yell at eachother and nearly got into blows as the conversation went beyond into him accusing my of being a leech and not doing anything to help the family out...total bullshit also. One thing led to another and of course he finally dropped the threat...shape up or be kicked out of the house never to return again. God I love my family.
Ended up leaving the house after that had blown over and went over to the g/f's to hang out and try and cheer up. To say the least...thoughts about how the past few months have been resurfaced and well the comfort I thought I'd feel lying in her arms more so became stabs of pain which only helped things get work...leaving me here now.. depressed and alone. Have work in 5 hours and haven't slept yet...and to make it all even better I sit here contemplating how I can make it all end once and for all... A great day indeed. I just wish it would all stop...
I can honestly say now though that today has dropped me right back into the shit I've tried so hard not to think about. First few hours after reaching conciousness weren't so bad as I kinda just kept to myself in my bedroom playing WOW. Had plans to go to the movies later in the afternoon but I had a few hours so I merely wasted them away till the time drew closer. Didn't quite realize that the sister had laid claim to the bathroom for the next three hours or so...guess I didn't get the memo. She didn't even use it half the time but I was damned to hell if I tried to take a 10 minute shower by her or my mother. Then of course came a small detail about the vacation that I'm supposed to be going on next week. It really wasn't that big of a deal but it merely added to the mounting pressure from the past few months and well...I kinda let myself get carried away.
According to the parents I was supposed to be spending the next week that we're on vacation sleeping on the floor at the timeshare we have. Now...I was slightly peeved that out of all people I would have to sleep on the floor especially when everyone else in the family was gonna have been on four vacations by the end of the summer...and this was my single escape from my world of work, and the same old. To say the least the arguement went on for about a half hour making me begin to fall behind to get ready to go the movies. To say the least since my sister didn't give up the bathroom parents finally gave into me using theirs and then after all was said in done made me clean the entire bathroom for merely taking a shower...making me later pissing me off even more. I do apologize now to anyone reading this as its a major rant but still I'm venting...read on if you choose to.
Went and got food after finally abandoning the house and ended up going to a later showing of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. The rest of the day went by alright but much was still lingering after having returned home and resorting to venting on WOW again. Morons on the game didn't make me feel any better and to finish it all off my dad came in and began to go off on me about how I don't do anything. Started right out with accusing me of oweing him about...120 dollars. Now here's the deal...I give them money to be put aside for insurance the sort so I don't have to deal with it but he always treat it like its his money and that he needs it this instance even though he doesnt need it for a few more months. To say the least my mood went even further down the shitter as we began to yell at eachother and nearly got into blows as the conversation went beyond into him accusing my of being a leech and not doing anything to help the family out...total bullshit also. One thing led to another and of course he finally dropped the threat...shape up or be kicked out of the house never to return again. God I love my family.
Ended up leaving the house after that had blown over and went over to the g/f's to hang out and try and cheer up. To say the least...thoughts about how the past few months have been resurfaced and well the comfort I thought I'd feel lying in her arms more so became stabs of pain which only helped things get work...leaving me here now.. depressed and alone. Have work in 5 hours and haven't slept yet...and to make it all even better I sit here contemplating how I can make it all end once and for all... A great day indeed. I just wish it would all stop...