(no subject)
Today was terrible. I was so bored. I hate being bored. I didn't go to work today coz I didnt have to and I sort of wished I did because I would have had more fun there.I went and saw my Grandma today for the first time since she's been out of the hosptial-which has been awhile- and that was about it.
I was a little nervous about going to see my Grandma because she had all her hair shaved off and she lost 40 pounds due to her medicine. Her hair was shaved off because they had to take the tumor off of her brain so yeah. I hadn't seen her since August just because she's been really sick and in and out of the hospital. So anyway, I went and saw her and it was rather scary. I'm not used to seeing her like that, but she's still the same Grandma :)
This week has been not good at all. It just sucks. I'm confused about a lot of stuff right now. More or so about Ben. I don't know if I should still keep dating him or if I should end it. I woke up the other day and I had this weird feeling in my stomach. A part of me felt like I didn't want him anymore and the other part of me was like ok, I still want him. The reason is that he lives in Belleville and in September, I'll more than likely be in Kingston. I told him I didn't really want to go to Loyalist because I hate Belleville. It's so depressing there. My other reason was that I don't want to move to Belleville and than have me and Ben break up. That'd be terrible. And right now, that has a possibility of happening. He's so lazy and doesn't have any plans of doing anything great with his life. I mentioned to him the other day about going back to college and taking something else, "No, I don't want to because I won't get in anyways." Than I was like,"Why don't you look for another job?" Ben says:"Well, I will once the new plant gets built, until than I'm staying at Globel Med." Yeah, so this is what I have to take into consideration.
The last thing I want is to go to college in Belleville and than have him decide he doesn't want to go out anymore and I told him that too. I also don't want go to college in Kingston and than find someone else coz I'll be living on RES. I know that sounds pathetic that I'm saying that, but you never know. I told him that as well and he said that he'll still see me every weekend. Yeah, well I want more then a weekend relationship. I told him our lives were heading in opposite directions, but I guess he still wants me to stay with him. I don't really know if I should. I love him, I really do, just I don't think I love him as much as I used too. He broke up with me 2 times in 3 months, so how can I trust him not to do it again. He thinks that by just telling me that he won't do it again, that I will be like,"Ok,well I completely trust that you won't do that..." Yeah right!
I'm excited about going to college, seriously! My coarse is going to be fucking awesome. I'm a such a nerd, as if I'm excited about college. I can't wait to live on my own! It's more than likely not as great as it sounds like, but who care, I'm still gunna think it.
December 19th Nat and I are going to see Alexisonfire in Toronto and I'm sooo friggen excited about that as well. We're taking a bus up and we might go to the Eaton Centre, I doubt I'll buy much because I have no where to stick any bags when I'm at the concert.
I wish I could go to Toronto for one day and just shop til I can't hold anymore bags. I want this Guess purse that I saw in Barrie at the Guess store but it's like $150. I also want these slippers and pajama pants from Old Navy. I dropped the hint to Ben about it for Christmas, I don't think he caught on though. He's really oblivious to that kind of stuff.
I'm in a good mood right now. Ben just made my day. He just told me that Andy-his brother- got knocked out last night at school :) I hate Andy so much. He has the worst mouth ever on him. He's really cocky and he thinks he's the coolest kid ever. Ha, well your not! Theres no one right now, that I hate more than Andy. He made me cry on the weekend.
I'm not sure if I wrote about the gaming party that Bens had on Saturday night or not. Well, it was just a party that had a bunch of casino games and like air hockey and stuff like that and a bunch of people were there. You had to go around and like play people and u had a bucket of poker chips and u'd bet each chip and the person with the most chips at the end of the night would win money. So, I was playing Darts and I suck sooo bad at it. Anyways,I threw a dart and it hit the board and bounced back and hit the floor. Obviously Andy saw it and was like,"HOLY FUCK TIFFANY LEARN HOW TO THROW A DART." Everyone turned around and looked at me and yup I was embarrased coz there was like 20 or more people there. So than Ben goes and has to make things worse and he was like,"Wow ur really emabrrased ur face is the colour of my shirt." So yup I sat down and Im pretty sure for about 5 minutes I choked back the tears so than I gave up and started to cry but I made it look like I was choking on pop and thats why my eyes were all watery but Ben knew I was crying. I took off to the washroom and sat there for like 20 minutes. Ben thought it was because of my grandma that I was crying? I freaked out and told him why and than he made me feel bad coz hes like,"I give up talking, I always say the wrong things."Well he does :)
I was a little nervous about going to see my Grandma because she had all her hair shaved off and she lost 40 pounds due to her medicine. Her hair was shaved off because they had to take the tumor off of her brain so yeah. I hadn't seen her since August just because she's been really sick and in and out of the hospital. So anyway, I went and saw her and it was rather scary. I'm not used to seeing her like that, but she's still the same Grandma :)
This week has been not good at all. It just sucks. I'm confused about a lot of stuff right now. More or so about Ben. I don't know if I should still keep dating him or if I should end it. I woke up the other day and I had this weird feeling in my stomach. A part of me felt like I didn't want him anymore and the other part of me was like ok, I still want him. The reason is that he lives in Belleville and in September, I'll more than likely be in Kingston. I told him I didn't really want to go to Loyalist because I hate Belleville. It's so depressing there. My other reason was that I don't want to move to Belleville and than have me and Ben break up. That'd be terrible. And right now, that has a possibility of happening. He's so lazy and doesn't have any plans of doing anything great with his life. I mentioned to him the other day about going back to college and taking something else, "No, I don't want to because I won't get in anyways." Than I was like,"Why don't you look for another job?" Ben says:"Well, I will once the new plant gets built, until than I'm staying at Globel Med." Yeah, so this is what I have to take into consideration.
The last thing I want is to go to college in Belleville and than have him decide he doesn't want to go out anymore and I told him that too. I also don't want go to college in Kingston and than find someone else coz I'll be living on RES. I know that sounds pathetic that I'm saying that, but you never know. I told him that as well and he said that he'll still see me every weekend. Yeah, well I want more then a weekend relationship. I told him our lives were heading in opposite directions, but I guess he still wants me to stay with him. I don't really know if I should. I love him, I really do, just I don't think I love him as much as I used too. He broke up with me 2 times in 3 months, so how can I trust him not to do it again. He thinks that by just telling me that he won't do it again, that I will be like,"Ok,well I completely trust that you won't do that..." Yeah right!
I'm excited about going to college, seriously! My coarse is going to be fucking awesome. I'm a such a nerd, as if I'm excited about college. I can't wait to live on my own! It's more than likely not as great as it sounds like, but who care, I'm still gunna think it.
December 19th Nat and I are going to see Alexisonfire in Toronto and I'm sooo friggen excited about that as well. We're taking a bus up and we might go to the Eaton Centre, I doubt I'll buy much because I have no where to stick any bags when I'm at the concert.
I wish I could go to Toronto for one day and just shop til I can't hold anymore bags. I want this Guess purse that I saw in Barrie at the Guess store but it's like $150. I also want these slippers and pajama pants from Old Navy. I dropped the hint to Ben about it for Christmas, I don't think he caught on though. He's really oblivious to that kind of stuff.
I'm in a good mood right now. Ben just made my day. He just told me that Andy-his brother- got knocked out last night at school :) I hate Andy so much. He has the worst mouth ever on him. He's really cocky and he thinks he's the coolest kid ever. Ha, well your not! Theres no one right now, that I hate more than Andy. He made me cry on the weekend.
I'm not sure if I wrote about the gaming party that Bens had on Saturday night or not. Well, it was just a party that had a bunch of casino games and like air hockey and stuff like that and a bunch of people were there. You had to go around and like play people and u had a bucket of poker chips and u'd bet each chip and the person with the most chips at the end of the night would win money. So, I was playing Darts and I suck sooo bad at it. Anyways,I threw a dart and it hit the board and bounced back and hit the floor. Obviously Andy saw it and was like,"HOLY FUCK TIFFANY LEARN HOW TO THROW A DART." Everyone turned around and looked at me and yup I was embarrased coz there was like 20 or more people there. So than Ben goes and has to make things worse and he was like,"Wow ur really emabrrased ur face is the colour of my shirt." So yup I sat down and Im pretty sure for about 5 minutes I choked back the tears so than I gave up and started to cry but I made it look like I was choking on pop and thats why my eyes were all watery but Ben knew I was crying. I took off to the washroom and sat there for like 20 minutes. Ben thought it was because of my grandma that I was crying? I freaked out and told him why and than he made me feel bad coz hes like,"I give up talking, I always say the wrong things."Well he does :)