[#8] Wrapped Around Your Finger [2/5]
part 1 ϟ part 2
The next time he went on a date with Joohyun, she wanted to go shopping for some new clothes as well as art supplies. Sehun didn't really mind following her around as she shopped. Sometimes he would even grab a couple of things he needed as well. This particular trip was different though. Rather than thinking about what would look good on himself or Joohyun, all he could think about was what would look good on Junmyeon.
He genuinely tried not to think about it, but each time he passed a really nice sweater or jacket, thoughts of Junmyeon wearing it flooded his mind. He especially wondered how Junmyeon would look in light pink. Somehow, he had a feeling that he would look great in it. It seemed like a color that suited his personality, and Sehun meant that in the fondest and most complementary way.
Finally, Joohyun finished shopping for clothes, no thanks to Sehun's poor decision skills and lack of concentration, and they headed to the craft store. If Sehun thought searching for clothes was reminding him too much of Junmyeon, being in the yarn section at a craft store was a whole new level.
Joohyun was looking for a nice pastel-colored yarn in order to knit Seulgi a scarf, and for some reason, she thought Sehun would be able to help her choose between mint green and lavender. They both looked nice, and Sehun wasn't sure which one would suit Seulgi better, so Joohyun stood there debating for what felt like an eternity.
During that time, Sehun's eyes scanned the aisle, taking in all the different types of yarn. Some were extremely fuzzy, and Sehun bet those would make the most comfortable scarves or blankets. Would Junmyeon wear a scarf made out of that? Maybe if it was a neutral color, or perhaps a dark blue. Sehun could probably hide a million different mistakes with one of the fuzzier yarns too. That would probably be the only way he could ever complete a scarf.
Was he actually thinking about trying knitting again for Junmyeon? What was going on? He should be thinking about knitting a scarf for Joohyun, if anyone. He shouldn't be thinking about knitting a scarf at all, actually. He sucked at it. Why was his head so muddled these days? He wished he could just go back to the days before he knew Joohyun's brother existed.
Finally, Joohyun decided on mint green and they left the store, much to Sehun's relief. He figured mint green would suit Seulgi more than lavender anyway. Lavender was Joohyun's color. And Sehun was starting to think that pastel pink wouldn't look too bad on Junmyeon.
~*~
It was getting exhausting finding excuses not to see Junmyeon, and Sehun was getting to the point where he really didn't want to anymore. Junmyeon sometimes seemed reluctant to talk to him when he came over to visit Joohyun, and the man seemed to be coming less and less. Sehun was starting to feel like he was unintentionally causing Joohyun and Junmyeon to grow apart, and he couldn't have that. He was probably just being extremely paranoid, but still, if he could 'patch' things up with Junmyeon, he would feel better.
Sehun was particularly surprised when he received a text from Junmyeon a few days later while he was working in the cafe. It wasn't anything big, not even going to the movies or dinner. Junmyeon was simply asking if he would like to come over and hang out. The thought of going directly to Junmyeon's house alone was actually far more nerve wracking though.
Seulgi saw him staring at his phone in a complete daze and she gently nudged his shoulder, looking at him worriedly.
“Everything ok?” She asked.
“Huh? Uh, yeah...Just Junmyeon...”
“Oh really? What's up?” She asked perkily. Sehun forced a smile.
“He just wanted to hang out.”
“Joohyun mentioned you two seemed to be getting along well. Guess she wasn't joking.”
“Yeah. He's a pretty cool guy,” Sehun mumbled.
“Well, your shift ends in an hour, so you could probably go see him, right?”
“Yeah, probably.”
He let out a deep sigh and texted Junmyeon back, letting him know he'd be getting off work in an hour and he was free to hang out. Junmyeon replied saying he would pick Sehun up at the cafe, and Sehun couldn't help but blush slightly. He really wasn't enjoying the way his body and mind always reacted to Junmyeon.
Work seemed to fly by after that, much to his dismay. He hung up his apron and slid on his thick jacket, since the autumn breeze had started to turn into icy, winter wind. He stepped outside and immediately spotted Junmyeon's car. He was surprised to find Junmyeon sitting on the front of it, waiting for him. Sehun walked over quickly, his eyes wide as he noted Junmyeon's somewhat red nose. Had he been waiting long?
“You didn't have to sit out here,” Sehun mumbled. “You could have waited in the car or come inside...”
“It's fine,” Junmyeon said gently in response, getting to his feet. He had the same warm smile that melted every fiber of Sehun's being. “I've been inside all day and the fresh air was really nice.”
“Isn't it cold though...?”
“Sometimes the cold isn't that bad,” Junmyeon murmured. He smiled a little wider this time.
“Should we get going?”
“Yeah!”
Silent car rides seemed to be a recurrence between the two. They weren't actually silent, since Junmyeon was almost always singing something and Sehun was humming along quietly, but there were never any words exchanged between the two. It was a calm that Sehun needed and genuinely loved. Even when they weren't conversing with each other, he felt at ease with Junmyeon.
They reached Junmyeon's apartment in about 20 minutes. It was fairly large, on the higher end of quality as far as apartments went. Sehun was quite impressed, though it made sense, given Junmyeon was a working man with decent pay. The place seemed a little big for just one person though.
Junmyeon made a simple meal for the two of them. Sehun helped him cook, and he realized that Joohyun is the better cook of the two. Junmyeon was still much better than Sehun though, so it felt more like he was messing things up rather than helping. They eventually managed to make some semblance of a meal and ate it at Junmyeon's small dining table, happily chatting away. It was like all of Sehun's attempts to distance himself had meant nothing. They got along just as well as they always had.
After dinner, Junmyeon showed Sehun around. The apartment had an overall chic, modern style and atmosphere to it. Despite all of that, Sehun found an alarming amount of small crocheted stuffed animals spread throughout the house. He couldn't help but find it endearing.
They finally settled on Junmyeon's couch to watch a movie. Surprise, surprise. That was literally the only thing Sehun could do competently these days. Not unexpectedly, Junmyeon grabbed a ball of yarn as the movie started up and began working on something. He wasn't knitting this time, but crocheting. Sehun watched in awe as his fingers moved at an alarming speed, crocheting the beginning of a sphere. Sehun leaned over and looked at it curiously.
“What are you making?”
“Hm? Oh this...? I'm, uh...making a dog,” Junmyeon muttered shyly. Sehun nodded, looking impressed.
“You were the one that made Joohyun's cat plushy, right? It's really good. You're really talented.” Junmyeon flushed this time and rubbed his nose.
“Thanks...I really like to make them, you know? But it's not exactly something I boast about...Most people would harass me about making cute stuffed animals rather than having a manlier hobby.”
“Well, they're pieces of shit who are probably too uncoordinated to even fathom making something like that, so just ignore them,” Sehun stated bluntly. Junmyeon laughed and ruffled Sehun's hair, startling the younger.
“You really are something, Sehun! I wish I had half the confidence you have...”
“I'm really not that confident,” Sehun sighed. “Probably just stupid and young.”
“Still...You've got a good head on your shoulders and you've always been really open minded in the time that I've known you. It's a nice change. I wish I could meet more people like you...”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, strange hobbies aside, I'm gay,” Junmyeon said softly. “It took a couple years for me to really come to terms with that fact, and after that, I had to tell everyone who was close to me, you know? I told Joohyun first actually.”
“Oh really? And what did she say?”
“She said that it didn't make me any different than I was before and not to be afraid. She later helped me come out to our parents. Thankfully, they took it just as well as she had.”
“That's good,” Sehun said quietly. He remembered coming out as bi to his parents, and it was a pretty nerve wracking experience.
“But even with my family supporting me, it's been hard. I've always been afraid to be in a committed relationship...I thought I'd finally found someone too. We were supposed to move into this apartment about a year ago, but he backed out. Turns out, he'd been cheating on me...He told me I was embarrassing and a pushover...and that there were better fucks out there...”
“Junmyeon...”
“After that, my confidence was pretty low. Joohyun made me start seeing her as often as I could because she was worried about me. I had a few really rough months.”
“That was before she and I were dating,” Sehun stated. “Otherwise I probably would have met you a lot sooner...”
“Yeah. I finally recovered and things more or less went back to normal. I worked, I went home, I ate, I crocheted to relieve stress, I went to bed. I've actually started to run out of people to give the plushies to, which is why there are so many here.”
“Is that why you don't go out often?”
“Well, I also don't really like to be with coworkers longer than work hours, and I don't have a lot of friends otherwise. So staying home just became the natural thing to do. If I was lonely, I'd go see Joohyun. She and I have similar hobbies thankfully, so it's easy for us to spend time together.”
“I'm glad she's there for you,” Sehun said softly, pride welling in his chest. Joohyun really was a wonderful person.
“Same. And it's been really good meeting you. I'm really thankful we could become friends. To be honest, I was a little anxious about inviting you over, but I'm glad I did...”
Sehun's heart clenched at his words. Friends. That's what they were. He shouldn't feel disappointed. He shouldn't want more. It was wrong and unfair to Joohyun. Being friends with
Junmyeon was already an honor in and of itself. He needed to convince himself to just leave it at that.
“I'm really glad we could become friends too,” Sehun responded. “You're really easy to be around and I think you're amazing. I wish I could do half the things you and Joohyun can do.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. And as for that bastard, good riddance. He didn't deserve you in the first place. You can do much better, and you will. Someday, you'll find the person who will love you unconditionally. So until then, you gotta keep holding on, ok?”
“Y-Yeah...” Junmyeon muttered, looking away. Sehun could tell he was flustered. “Thanks...”
The younger smiled and nodded. He glanced at the movie, noticing they'd talked through the first 15 minutes. He honestly didn't really care about watching it. He was much too concerned about Junmyeon and making sure he was ok. Sehun jumped slightly when he felt Junmyeon lean on his shoulder.
“I'm really thankful for this, Sehun...You're a great guy. Joohyun is so lucky to have you...”
Sehun couldn't stand how sad and broken Junmyeon sounded, particularly as he spoke the last sentence. Maybe he was projecting his own disappointment on Junmyeon. All Sehun wanted was to cheer him up somehow. Junmyeon seemed to recover quickly on his own though. The man sat up and wiped at his eyes slightly, then got up and grabbed another ball of yarn. He came back and held it up to Sehun, smiling the same old grin.
“You know, crocheting is a little easier than knitting. Want to give it a try?”
Sehun couldn't find it in him to say no. Junmyeon sat down beside him and started teaching him the different knots. Sehun caught on much faster and soon enough, he was crocheting a nice little square. He didn't know what he would even do with it, but Junmyeon suggested turning it into a potholder. It was a better idea than anything Sehun had thought of.
Once again, the movie was merely background noise as the two worked on their projects. Sehun checked his phone at one point and groaned when he realized it was really late and he had a morning shift. He hadn't finished his potholder yet either. Junmyeon simply laughed and told him he'd hold onto it until the next time Sehun came over and he could finish it then. After that, they packed up and got in the car so Junmyeon could take him back home.
Sehun was far more reluctant to get out when they pulled up to his apartment. He wanted to blame it on the cold weather, so he could have an excuse to stay in the car with Junmyeon just a little longer, but ultimately, he knew he'd overstayed his time in paradise and he needed to go. He waved goodbye and walked away with another promise of next time. He was already looking forward to it.
~*~
Ever since that night at Junmyeon's house, Sehun wasn't able to get the man out of his mind. Initially, he thought it might be sympathy, but as he sat on it more and more, he realized it was much more than that. It was longing. He longed to be with Junmyeon more often than he did Joohyun. He felt bad about it, but he couldn't help being drawn to the other man. He was all Junmyeon had too.
The times when Sehun and Junmyeon went out together gradually increased. Sehun still saw Joohyun just as much as he had before. Nothing had really changed between them, although Sehun sometimes noticed Joohyun would go quite or look like she wanted to talk about something. Whenever he asked her about it though, she always said it was nothing. It didn't bode well with him, but he wasn't going to force her to talk about it if she didn't want to.
Instead, he carried on, doing just what he'd done before. He would visit both Joohyun and Junmyeon together as well as individually. Sometimes, when Junmyeon was with them, Joohyun would retreat into her shell slightly, and it would take some coaxing from both Sehun and Junmyeon to get her to go back to her usual bubbly self. Was she starting to become uncomfortable when Junmyeon was around? Was she jealous?
Sehun figured if that was the case, they should keep their meetings between the three of them to a minimum. That way, he could focus his attention on Joohyun completely. That was how it should be anyway.
Still, he would see Junmyeon as well. They were good friends by then, and Sehun refused to cut that off completely. He cared way too much for the other man. And that should have been the very first warning sign.
~*~
Sehun was over at Junmyeon's house again to watch another movie. This time they actually planned to pay attention to it though. Shortly before playing the film, Junmyeon had helped Sehun finish his extremely simple and somewhat sloppy potholder, so they could set the yarn aside. The movie they were watching was a romantic comedy. Sehun had no trouble telling Junmyeon in detail just how much he loved that genre. He didn't linger on the fact that he couldn't even admit that to Joohyun.
They were seated next to each other on the couch, feet resting on pillows above the coffee table in front of them. Sehun was shivering slightly, the chill of winter fully present now. Even with Junmyeon's heater on, Sehun still found himself cold. The other man noticed and paused the movie long enough to get a blanket and drape it over them.
Sehun grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around his body, snuggling closer to Junmyeon so the other man could be fully covered by it as well. Sehun sighed contentedly, noting that Junmyeon was much warmer than the blanket above them. He was warmer than Joohyun as well. He knew it was wrong to compare them, but it was getting harder to control his mind. Anything and everything seemed to lead back to Junmyeon.
Halfway through the movie, Sehun felt Junmyeon's arm slide behind his back. Soon, the man's hand was planted softly on Sehun's waist, fingers timidly rubbing circles onto just barely exposed skin. The younger's eyes widened momentarily and his heart skipped a beat. There was no way this was something that happened between two friends. This was not the least bit platonic. Sehun knew this. He knew this.
So why didn't he pull away? Why didn't he do anything to stop it? He just snuggled closer, leaning his head on Junmyeon's shoulder. To make matters even worse, he wrapped his arm around Junmyeon's torso, pressing himself closer. What on earth was he doing? It was like he didn't even recognize the person he'd become. This just felt so right.
They stayed like this for the remainder of the film. Even when the credits had long since finished rolling, they stayed cuddled up with each other, just talking about anything and everything. But not about Joohyun. She was a thought that could not be had in good conscience. A taboo. Sehun genuinely didn't want to think about her. He didn't want to think about how guilty he would feel the next day or what he was going to do from now on. All he wanted to think about was being wrapped up in Junmyeon's arms. All he could think about was the man right beside him.
~*~
Sehun couldn't bring himself to tell Joohyun about anything that had happened with Junmyeon. Rather, he kept it all cooped inside, acting as if it never happened. He knew it was wrong and that he needed to talk things through with her. Honesty was the best policy after all. He was afraid to be honest with even himself though. He had a feeling everything would crumble down if he was.
So instead he continued to ignore the problem. Joohyun seemed increasingly more distant each time she and Sehun went on a date. Sometimes she asked Sehun if he loved her and he would always answer with the same 'of course.' Sehun could tell she believed it less and less each time. He was starting to believe it less and less as well. He did love Joohyun though. The problem was he was falling so much more for Junmyeon. Why couldn't he make himself stop?
On one particular date, Sehun and Joohyun were over at his apartment. He'd made her dinner, and the entire time Joohyun seemed entranced by his haphazardly made potholder. Sehun realized he'd never told her that he'd been over to Junmyeon's and the latter had taught him how to crochet. Sehun kept his explanation as brief as possible. Talking about visits to Junmyeon's house was treading dangerous territory enough as it was.
Joohyun seemed to take the information with indifference, but for the rest of the night, she was just a bit more distant. Their conversations were forced and uncomfortable. The long gaps of silence in between words was unnerving and deafening. Sehun ultimately decided to put on a movie just to have some sort of noise in the room and something to distract him from one of the most painful dates of his life.
The lights in the room were dim and the mood would have been perfect were it not for the fact that Joohyun and Sehun were anything but ok. Sehun was thankful that Joohyun wouldn't be spending the night at his place. It had been quite some time since either of them had spent the night over at the other's house actually.
About halfway through the movie, Joohyun shifted her position rather drastically. She had been sitting beside Sehun, but soon enough, she was on his lap, a knee on either side of his waist. Sehun stared up at her since she was blocking his view of the TV. Joohyun leaned down and connected their lips, kissing Sehun as passionately as she could. He kissed her back, but his usual vigor wasn't there.
She rocked her hips downward, brushing against Sehun's crotch and he gasped slightly. He felt horrible, but he really didn't want to do this. He didn't think he had a clear enough mind to have sex with her, and he knew that was where she was going with this. He placed his hands on her hips and pushed her away gently, looking up at her tiredly.
“Not today,” he whispered.
She bit her lip, but nodded nonetheless. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, burying her face in his neck. Sehun sighed and hugged her back. Joohyun was always so understanding and good to him. Sehun genuinely wished he could give her what she wanted, but he just didn't think he had it in him today. Though, it was probably more than just 'today.'
Joohyun pulled away with a sigh and resumed her place at his side. Sehun stared at the TV, but his eyes couldn't focus on a single image. He vaguely saw Joohyun wiping at her face with the end of her sleeve, but he didn't turn to look at her. He didn't need to in order to know that she was wiping away tears. She eventually snuggled up to him and he wrapped his arm around her waist. He hated the fact that all he could think about was how Joohyun wasn't quite as warm as Junmyeon, and how she was just a bit too thin to feel right in his arms.
Joohyun left his house later that evening, smiling weakly and kissing him on the cheek. She hugged him tightly, as if desperate to hold on to him for as long as she could. When she let go, she waved goodbye, telling him she loved him. Sehun told her he loved her back, but the words felt funny on his tongue. As he watched her walk away, he breathed a sigh of relief. That should have been the second warning.
~*~
December rolled in before anyone knew it. Soon enough, the streets were decorated with lights and other Christmas frill, and every store was playing nothing but Christmas music. That included the small cafe that Sehun worked in. They also had to introduce several seasonal drinks and baked goods, so overall, it was rather stressful.
Sehun had been looking forward to Christmas a few months ago. He had planned on spending the evening with Joohyun and taking her on the dream date, complete with an amazing present. Now, he was dreading the whole event. He still had to figure out what to give her as a gift, and with how their recent dates had been going, he didn't have high hopes of Christmas being any better.
The only thing Sehun could really, genuinely look forward to was seeing Junmyeon sometime over the holiday. The man had been really busy with work recently and he was taking a much needed vacation over Christmas and New Years. There was no way Sehun wasn't going to see him sometime during that break. His sanity depended on it.
He sighed and leaned on the counter in the cafe, staring off into space. He was planning to go shopping for both Joohyun's and Junmyeon's presents once his shift ended, but he was dreading that just as much as he dreaded work. He felt the same gentle nudge on his shoulder and glanced over to see Seulgi looking at him worriedly.
“You ok?” She asked softly.
“Yeah, fine,” Sehun grumbled. Seulgi looked down for a moment, contemplating something, then back up at him.
“I talked to Joohyun recently...She seemed pretty upset...Are you two ok?”
“I don't know,” Sehun said honestly. “I think we are...”
“You two are both so important to me...I really don't want things to be bad between you.”
“I know, Seulgi. I'm sorry...”
“Don't apologize. Just...treat her well. And be honest with yourself and her. I love you both so I don't want to get caught up in taking sides...But I'm here for both of you, ok?”
“Yeah...Thanks...”
Seulgi stood on her toes so she could reach up and wrap an arm around Sehun, giving him a comforting squeeze. Sehun briefly laid his cheek on the top of her head in response. Seulgi may play around with him more often than not, but when he needed someone to care for him and talk things through, she was always there for him.
When Sehun's shift finally ended, he said goodbye to Seulgi and headed off to the mall to start shopping for Joohyun. He walked around aimlessly for an hour, then finally decided on jewelry. He went into a shop, scanning the displays for something that wasn't going to cost him an arm and a leg. He wanted something simple and ambiguous. Somehow, getting her a heart-shaped necklace felt really inappropriate, given their bumpy relationship and how he was currently feeling. That sort of necklace might improve their relationship though, at least temporarily. Sehun was at a loss of what to feel.
He ultimately decided on a black choker with a small, silver moon pendant on it. It had no meaning whatsoever. It simply looked nice. He wouldn't be surprised if Joohyun didn't even like it in the end, but it was all Sehun could muster. He'd wanted to do something special for her a couple of months ago. Now he was genuinely questioning his feelings for her in general. She deserved so much more than he could give her.
Following his exhausting attempt to buy something for Joohyun, Sehun was on to a slightly easier task. He was going to buy something for Junmyeon now, and he already had an idea of what he would get. It wouldn't be anything remotely fancy. He was just going to browse through the yarn section and pick some out that he thought Junmyeon would like. If it wasn't too expensive, he'd buy some more crochet hooks or other supplies as well. Junmyeon always said he could never have enough supplies or yarn.
Sehun stopped when he spotted a rather soft, pastel pink yarn. The temptation to buy it was too much. He really wanted to see Junmyeon in light pink apparently. Although he thought Junmyeon would look really nice in white and navy blue as well. Junmyeon would look nice in anything.
He ended up buying the pink yarn for himself. He would watch 9 hours of knitting tutorials on youtube if he had to, but he would make Junmyeon a scarf, even if it killed him. This Christmas, all he would be able to give was the yarn though. He ended up buying various shades of gray and brown since Junmyeon's favorite thing to do was crochet stuffed animals. It was a small gift, but he figured Junmyeon would still appreciate it.
When he got home, he stuffed the yarn into a gift bag, keeping the pink yarn as well as some of the gray for himself. He'd take that over next time he saw Junmyeon and start working on it. He wasn't bold enough to give Junmyeon a completely pink scarf, but if he added some gray stripes, he thought it might be nice.
After he'd finished gift bagging the yarn, shoving mountains of tissue paper in there to make sure it was thoroughly covered, he looked at his work triumphantly. Joohyun's necklace had been boxed and wrapped at the jewelers, so it looked much more presentable in comparison to Junmyeon's present. Sehun knew the older man wouldn't care about that sort of thing though.
It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He still felt extremely guilty about Joohyun's fairly unimpressive gift, but what was done was done. He could only hope everything went well, come Christmas time.
~*~
Joohyun had been cooking frantically with her mother the entire week leading up to Christmas. Cookies and other sweets were a tradition in their family and made good gifts, so the week preceding Christmas was always a scramble to get everything done. On top of cooking with her mother, Joohyun had her own cookies to bake this year for Seulgi and Sehun.
Joohyun wanted to bake them close to Christmas so they would be as fresh as possible when she gave them away. It meant a lot of late nights after her mother had finished using the kitchen, but she was more than willing to sacrifice the sleep. It helped pass the time and distract her from her own anxieties at least.
She'd already made plans to deliver Seulgi's cookies at work and she was going to see Sehun on Christmas Eve. They were supposed to spend the evening out and celebrate the start of Christmas together. It was supposed to be romantic. Joohyun had been dreaming about it and dying for the day to come for months. Now, she was more scared than anything.
Sehun had been so distant with her as of late. It always felt like he was forcing himself to be with her and she hated it. Had she done something wrong to make him hate her? Was he already bored with her? Had he just been playing with her all along? No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get those thoughts out of her head. Every time she thought about asking Sehun what he really felt, she ended up chickening out. In the end, she was always too afraid to learn the truth, and her anxieties plagued her for another day.
She stared into space, pausing her mixing, and sighed. She loved Sehun so much, and she hated worrying about whether or not the feelings were returned. Was their relationship going to crumble just like this? Joohyun wasn't sure she could handle losing Sehun. No, she couldn't lose him.
She felt tears pooling in her eyes and she set down her whisk to wipe them away. She wasn't about to let the dough get ruined over a few stray tears. She would get through this. She and Sehun could work things out. If she panicked now things would only get worse.
In an attempt to keep herself together, she focused once more on making the cookies. She would make the best batch she'd ever made and pour all her feelings into it. That would have to sway Sehun at least a little bit. It was a naive and foolish thought, but it was enough to keep her going for one more night.
~*~
Sehun sighed and laid his head on his arms. He was sitting at his desk, having just gotten off the phone with Joohyun. Even their phone calls left him drained now. It was scary how unenthusiastic he had become about their relationship. It just seemed so dull in comparison to what it had been. No, that wasn't it. It was dull in comparison to how he felt when he was with Junmyeon. Everything always seemed to bring Sehun back to Junmyeon, for better or for worse.
He glanced at his calendar. Two dates were marked in red pen so he wouldn't forget them. They were right next to each other, so they especially stood out compared to the rest of the blank squares. One date was Christmas Eve, his dreaded date with Joohyun. The other was the day before, on which Junmyeon had arranged to meet him. Sehun hated the fact that he was looking forward to seeing Junmyeon so much more than he was Joohyun.
Part of him almost wished he would see Junmyeon on Christmas day, but the man had told him that he would be spending it with Joohyun and their parents, which Sehun understood. If his parents weren't several cities away and he didn't have to work the day after Christmas, he would probably have gone back to see them too. Still, it would have been nice to have Junmyeon to look forward to after his date with Joohyun. The man would no doubt cheer him up. Then again, perhaps it was better to see Junmyeon in high spirits before he saw Joohyun. Why was he automatically assuming his date with Joohyun wouldn't end well though?
The more Sehun thought about it, the more an idea swam around in his head. It was slowly becoming apparent to him that he didn't feel the same way about Joohyun anymore. It wasn't at all that he hated her, in fact he still thought she was a wonderful girl who deserved the world. He was just starting to realize that he wasn't the one who would give it to her. He would much rather give it to Junmyeon.
Having finally admitted this to himself, another idea entered his head, one that was not so appealing and would definitely be painful if followed through. Should he break up with Joohyun? He had such mixed feelings. On one hand, he owed it to Joohyun not to drag her along in a one-sided relationship. That would only hurt them both in the end. Not only that, but he knew he couldn't lie to himself any longer about Junmyeon. On the other hand though, to break up with Joohyun on Christmas Eve seemed far too cruel. He knew how much she'd been looking forward to it. He had to at least make it through Christmas with her. Then he would have to find a way to break up without completely devastating her, though he knew that would be almost impossible to do.
What would he do after that though? Would he pursue Junmyeon? Would Junmyeon even still want to see him after he broke Joohyun's heart? What if it was all in Sehun's head after all and Junmyeon really was only seeing him because he was his little sister's boyfriend? Would Sehun lose Junmyeon too? That thought filled him with even more dread than breaking up with Joohyun.
He had no way of knowing how Junmyeon felt about him either. At least, not until he saw the man again. Perhaps he would come clean to Junmyeon when they met again. It could end horribly and permanently ruin his relationship with the man, but he could at least clarify whether or not the feelings were mutual. There really wasn't a smooth way to go about asking this, especially since he was still technically dating Joohyun.
Sehun had a feeling that by Christmas day, at least one heart would be broken. All he could hope for was that it would all go by quickly.
~*~
part 1 ϟ part 2 part 3