so lost, so confused....

[xunlovedfaithx]

I love him he loves me...you would think that thats enough. i hate my self for him not being able to trust me. i just want to fix this so bad..but he's right,nothing can really be totally fixed until i am living back in oxnard again. it's like an roller coaster ride. one minute he forgives me and the next we are back where we started again. i want to turn back time and change it all... but, i can't. tomorrow i go to oxnard to visit, and we are going to talk and find out a way to work things out. and then in 11 days i am moving back up to oxnard. but so much can happen in 11 days... i mean in a period of a week i felt every single emotion known to man kind. i just with somewhere in my heart i would have some type of reassurance that things will be fine. i want to know that we will be together forever, i want to know that he needs me as much as i need him. i just want school to be over with already...i want to be in oxnard...i want to look in to his eyes and find a way to fix things, i want him so much. i can't think about anything but this, he's the only thing on my mind... i am such a fucking bitch for hurting him! this has been ongoing for about 2 weeks now... i feel like i am going to blow up...i keep stuffing emotions in me..how many times will my heart break? i have never felt so lost. i love him so much. last night was a good conversation...he told me he will always love me no matter what, and that was great but then our convo took a turn and we fought about my drug use in the past...and that made him mad, i mean he knows about everything...but he hates to hear about it.. but he brought it up in the 1st place. so we ended our convo early because he didn't want to get mad at me. im so fucking lost. i think it was so cute last night though, he taught me how to say stuff in Italian and In French...oh and a little Latin too. it was os much fun...and everything was so perfect like old times. but then i had to come to reality that theyarent perfect...and they won't be until i am living back home. well i have to go get ready for school now, bye.

xBrittneyx

for you tony: " Mon Amour, Je' taime por lu fin tu temts" and i always will.