One less bell to answer. . . one last egg to fryyyyyyy. . .
I stand, in front of the firing squad, hands behind back - blind folded - the list of the charges; grim, horrific, in fact my mother is ashamed of me - she turns her back on me and weeps. Bitterly. There are men who have committed horrific acts of cruelty to their fellow man, and woman. Dictators marvel at my utter AUDACITY, my heartlessness. They shake their heads, they stroke their beards. Men who have run death camps, ripped babes from the arms of their mothers, burned whole villages.
These men are nothing compared to me. I pwn them all. Hard-core. I am so incredibly more brutal and horrible that I take front and center stage.
In fact, death by firing squad is too good for me - I should be ripped apart, drawn and quartered - my mangled limbs dipped in vats of salt water, and then acid, then salt water, then some acid, then au jus sauce (you know, the stuff they smother beef sandwiches in? Yes, that, oh fuck that sounds good) and then FED TO EVERYONE I LOVE. Except I don't love anyone! I am a heartless monster, vicious, evil and rabid -thirsting for the blood of . . .
THE INTERNETS.
I am a brute, a cad, a monster, a vicious kanid! I deserve to be dropped to the bottom of the ocean with heavy sacks of dismembered body parts weighting me down so the sharks can attack.
THE INTERNETS!
WHERE! OH WHERE did I go wrong?! I use to be a good person, if it please the court I beg my case! I was once a simple girl too, with stars in my eyes - with pig tails and this endearing innocences that would lure men do their doom - but what happened to me oH internets?!
WHY HAVE THOU FORSAKEN ME?!
You use to be fun, gay, care free! With wind in your hair and a smile on your websites - everything use to be so wonderful and magical!
WHY HAVE YOU GONE ALL SERIOUS BUSINESS ON ME?! WHY?! WHY?!
Have we forgotten, perhaps that there are other people in the world - that somewhere, behind the computer screen, outside our bed room doors there is . . . FRESH AIR?! The fuck you say. THERE ARE REAL PEOPLE?!
Don't you dare even fucking TELL me there are real life horrible things out in the world that matter MORE then some stupid words on a computer screen!
GASP! SHOCK! HORROR! OH THE HUMANITY! PEOPLE ARE MEAN?! Holy shit bat man - be still my beating heart! You have scorned me - turned me away and now I lay here! BETRAYED!
People do not agree with what other people say?! FOR SHAME! How you lie to me internets!
People bad mouth and bitch about people they claim to be friends with?! LIES! LIES! LIES! I will not hear this! I shall tear my garments from my body and throw myself on to the rocks of OHNOES!!
May these brutal rocks of reality tear me apart, may the hypocritical nature of the internet set my body aflame and cast me out into the desert of butthurt.
For those of you ready to line up and take the first shot at my heart I ask you but one thing! One last request! That you only look at the Bad_rps_suck post ye created not so very long ago. Who among you is not a gossip monger? A whore in some sense of another? I ask only to find it in your gracious hearts - so full of love and compassion, nay! UNDERSTANDING and ask yourself: "Am I, perhaps, in some way, a cunt bag?"
We must, in this time of DIRE NEED reflect inwardly, into our hearts, our souls - and think "Maybe, maybe, I should wash the sand out of my vagina." It is a trying time for us all, fellow internet personas. It is a scary time, a cold and dark time - and you know, dare I even say it - A time for extreme sarcasm?!
I know, I know, I deserve no mercy! No understanding - I shall be thrown to the lions of free speech and personal opinion, I shall now be sacrificed on the altar of the great god FUCKTARD.
All I regret is that I have only one LJ to sacrifice! I shall give all of myself! Freely!
SO BLIND FOLD ME! GIVE ME ONE LAST CIGARETTE! THE DRUMS ROLL ON and then. . .
Silence!
With one last living breath I utter: "Get the fuck over yourselves!" It may not be witty, but it certainly fits the mood I am in.
With that said - let the guns fire, and let the smoke of the guns fill the air and blot out the majestic sun of hypocrisy!
Now, fuck it - I'm watching episode five of law and order, SVU! WHOOOOOOOOOOOo *watches the massive de-friending*
