See you naked, but oblivious - and you don't see me.
Title: Just Breathe
Author: Your mom
Theme/Set:
25_Crimes SVU: 02 - Choice
Rating: G
Claim + additional character(s): Olivia Benson with a brief apperance by Elliot Stabler
Warning: Everyone dies. Lyrics are from Anna Nalick "Just Breathe"
Summary: Everyone makes choices, is she making the right one?
2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason
The phone finally fell silent, after years of ringing, the calls filled with bitter sweet voices that told her what she needed to hear. Voices that sometimes accused, sometimes pleaded, all continuous, all never ending. They were like the Greek chorus to her life, chanting and singing, the background noise to her hectic and never ending life. The room was dark, filled only with filtered lights through thick dark blue curtains. Even in the dim, hazy noir that reminded her of the old private eye movies she use to watch with her mother she could see clearly. The outline of photos, of furniture, of boxes piled up haphazardly through out the small apartment. Eyes slid shut and tears rolled down her cheeks suddenly, silent - leaving nothing more then damp trails against her pale skin.
'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe
It had been one of those days, one of those weeks, one of those months. That hand managed to ball up into one massive season full of change and full of complete abandonment of the self and the dreams she once had.
Life, her mother told her, always had a funny way of sneaking up on you when you least expected it. There was nothing to do, but to just smile and go along with the ride her mother continued. Human agency is limited; free will was God's big joke.
She had made the choice though didn't she? She had decided to walk away from it - the entire job, the life, and the partner - the only thing that had defined her as a person for years. Nothing but a half empty apartment waited for her now. Somewhere, amongst the pain, and the shootings, the rapes, and all those children who had been hurt - she had finally lost her faith. There was nothing to sustain her, just empty haunting memories, the pictures and the words of all that had been brutalized. They were too much, even after all the years of practice of shutting them up. When she had stumbled into work still buzzed from the night before she realized that she had finally lost it. The only thing to do now was tell him.
May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a Day", he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.
No one would tell him anything; silence and dark glances followed him around all day, even from uniformed cops who he barely knew. When she didn't show up that day for work he assumed that it was her licking her wounds from the day before - that day that still stunned him. They had been partners for ages, years. He couldn't remember a day when she wasn't next to him in the car, or talking to witnesses. Even though his darkest times she had been strong and supportive by his side. When she had showed up, bleary eyed and smelling like whiskey he was shocked - and more then a little disappointed. After all these years, he couldn't see that she was losing it? The constant cloud that hung over him that tugged at him, urging him onward - driving him forward out of fear was steadily approaching and threatening to over take him. That's why he always thought that he would go before she would, that he would finally break while she looked on. If he didn't break, fired would be the next best thing.
Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe
There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.
He was about to push into the Captain's office when his cell phone rang. He looked at his caller I.D. and took a step backwards from the shut door. Her voice was soft, distant, and seemingly a thousand miles away even though he was sure she was still in New York. She wanted to talk - to tell him, but he could tell that she was nervous, hesitant. Still she called him to her side, and he responded.
2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to
Desperately she promised herself, a pointless promise, needy and helpless she made it anyway. She promised to be strong and just to hold it together for one last time before she could let herself go. There was a delusion of perfection, this dream state she found herself in when she thought about telling him. It was one of those movie moments, the one's that are filmed on the perfect location, with the perfect timing that just sum up all of human existence.
When the hero of the story finally admits his love for the girl - When then father and daughter are reconciled.
The perfect picture - leaves falling gently in the background, or perhaps a warm sunny day with bright blue skies that mirror deep blue waters that steal your very soul. She wanted something like that, something that could make up for all the horrible pictures they had seen together. Something that would seemingly erase the last years of her life, that would bind them together - so when years down the line they could say something like,
"Do you remember when. . .?"
"That was the most perfect blue sky."
It was cold and raining when he knocked on her door, when she opened it, and when he came in to sit on the couch to stare at her - his eyes demanding answers. It was still raining when she looked at him helplessly, and it was the rain continued to fall when she broke the promise to herself and lost it in front of him. Years of silence, years of nothing had always promised to finally turn into something. To finally bloom into something wonderful and beautiful. All those hopes, all those promises to stay brave, to stay strong were shattered like the sky during a bolt of lightening.
Could he plead with her to reconsider, or think everything over before making a final decision? He could have - but he didn't, he remained silent and steady as she finally turned to him for comfort and support.
But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
She was leaving him, and there was no reason she could give him except:
“I am just so tired."
There were no answers she could give him, no answer to when he would see her again, or what she would do once she left Special Victims. She didn't even know if she was going to stay in New York.
What she did know was that she wanted to be with him one last time. To sit next to him in the darkened apartment and watch the rain fall against the window pane. When she dozed off, and he moved to leave she grabbed his arm, silently pleading with him to stay, just for this one night.
Just this one last time. Just for this first and last time. When she kissed him, softly and gently, and told him that she loved him it was for the first, and the last time. He looked into her eyes, watery dark blue meshing with her bright brown ones and he told her that he loved her; it was for the first and last time.
Author: Your mom
Theme/Set:
25_Crimes SVU: 02 - Choice
Rating: G
Claim + additional character(s): Olivia Benson with a brief apperance by Elliot Stabler
Warning: Everyone dies. Lyrics are from Anna Nalick "Just Breathe"
Summary: Everyone makes choices, is she making the right one?
2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason
The phone finally fell silent, after years of ringing, the calls filled with bitter sweet voices that told her what she needed to hear. Voices that sometimes accused, sometimes pleaded, all continuous, all never ending. They were like the Greek chorus to her life, chanting and singing, the background noise to her hectic and never ending life. The room was dark, filled only with filtered lights through thick dark blue curtains. Even in the dim, hazy noir that reminded her of the old private eye movies she use to watch with her mother she could see clearly. The outline of photos, of furniture, of boxes piled up haphazardly through out the small apartment. Eyes slid shut and tears rolled down her cheeks suddenly, silent - leaving nothing more then damp trails against her pale skin.
'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe
It had been one of those days, one of those weeks, one of those months. That hand managed to ball up into one massive season full of change and full of complete abandonment of the self and the dreams she once had.
Life, her mother told her, always had a funny way of sneaking up on you when you least expected it. There was nothing to do, but to just smile and go along with the ride her mother continued. Human agency is limited; free will was God's big joke.
She had made the choice though didn't she? She had decided to walk away from it - the entire job, the life, and the partner - the only thing that had defined her as a person for years. Nothing but a half empty apartment waited for her now. Somewhere, amongst the pain, and the shootings, the rapes, and all those children who had been hurt - she had finally lost her faith. There was nothing to sustain her, just empty haunting memories, the pictures and the words of all that had been brutalized. They were too much, even after all the years of practice of shutting them up. When she had stumbled into work still buzzed from the night before she realized that she had finally lost it. The only thing to do now was tell him.
May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a Day", he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.
No one would tell him anything; silence and dark glances followed him around all day, even from uniformed cops who he barely knew. When she didn't show up that day for work he assumed that it was her licking her wounds from the day before - that day that still stunned him. They had been partners for ages, years. He couldn't remember a day when she wasn't next to him in the car, or talking to witnesses. Even though his darkest times she had been strong and supportive by his side. When she had showed up, bleary eyed and smelling like whiskey he was shocked - and more then a little disappointed. After all these years, he couldn't see that she was losing it? The constant cloud that hung over him that tugged at him, urging him onward - driving him forward out of fear was steadily approaching and threatening to over take him. That's why he always thought that he would go before she would, that he would finally break while she looked on. If he didn't break, fired would be the next best thing.
Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe
There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.
He was about to push into the Captain's office when his cell phone rang. He looked at his caller I.D. and took a step backwards from the shut door. Her voice was soft, distant, and seemingly a thousand miles away even though he was sure she was still in New York. She wanted to talk - to tell him, but he could tell that she was nervous, hesitant. Still she called him to her side, and he responded.
2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to
Desperately she promised herself, a pointless promise, needy and helpless she made it anyway. She promised to be strong and just to hold it together for one last time before she could let herself go. There was a delusion of perfection, this dream state she found herself in when she thought about telling him. It was one of those movie moments, the one's that are filmed on the perfect location, with the perfect timing that just sum up all of human existence.
When the hero of the story finally admits his love for the girl - When then father and daughter are reconciled.
The perfect picture - leaves falling gently in the background, or perhaps a warm sunny day with bright blue skies that mirror deep blue waters that steal your very soul. She wanted something like that, something that could make up for all the horrible pictures they had seen together. Something that would seemingly erase the last years of her life, that would bind them together - so when years down the line they could say something like,
"Do you remember when. . .?"
"That was the most perfect blue sky."
It was cold and raining when he knocked on her door, when she opened it, and when he came in to sit on the couch to stare at her - his eyes demanding answers. It was still raining when she looked at him helplessly, and it was the rain continued to fall when she broke the promise to herself and lost it in front of him. Years of silence, years of nothing had always promised to finally turn into something. To finally bloom into something wonderful and beautiful. All those hopes, all those promises to stay brave, to stay strong were shattered like the sky during a bolt of lightening.
Could he plead with her to reconsider, or think everything over before making a final decision? He could have - but he didn't, he remained silent and steady as she finally turned to him for comfort and support.
But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
She was leaving him, and there was no reason she could give him except:
“I am just so tired."
There were no answers she could give him, no answer to when he would see her again, or what she would do once she left Special Victims. She didn't even know if she was going to stay in New York.
What she did know was that she wanted to be with him one last time. To sit next to him in the darkened apartment and watch the rain fall against the window pane. When she dozed off, and he moved to leave she grabbed his arm, silently pleading with him to stay, just for this one night.
Just this one last time. Just for this first and last time. When she kissed him, softly and gently, and told him that she loved him it was for the first, and the last time. He looked into her eyes, watery dark blue meshing with her bright brown ones and he told her that he loved her; it was for the first and last time.