So This is How it Ends....
I must be upfront and say that I may not completely reveal all of my feelings throughout this journal as I have not built up the courage yet to do so. I have also seen some of the repercussions when others have done so. For example, revealing that you hate one or several of your readers, you're cheating on a significant other who reads your journal, passing judgements on others from the 3rd person which may be taken as "hurtful", or any other issues that are far too personal and should be dealt with in person with the closest loved ones. Writing down your feelings is constructive but I believe in certain instances, the consequences can be far more destructive. Should I ever reach the point where I "hate" one of my readers, I will try to take it up with them in person. Attacking someone on a public stage is very low in my book and I must be pushed to the brink to do so.
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Anyways, with that said....
I should have posted this earlier (some 2 or 3 days ago), but I've just had too much on my mind to sort things out.
January 2nd was my dad's 68th birthday. The man has been running 6 to 8 miles nearly every day for over 30 years. I still think he's more healthy than me! He sure doesn't look 68. We celebrated his birthday by having a nice dinner at Applebee's and steaks all around. It was an otherwise happy day until I tried to talk to Claire.
I suppose I was looking for some small twinkle of hope, some sign that she still cared and didn't really mean to be so cold over the break. Instead I got, "Well, I already told my parents that we broke up...." . I hammered and hammered away because I don't stand for the "let me down easy", "silent treatment" bullshit. If someone wants to end a relationship, I want a good, honest reason. Finally after many questions, she admitted that one of her longtime crushes had finally e-mailed her, asking her out. I was crushed and it took me several minutes to reply because I too busy sulking on my bed.
I told her "I thought I meant more to you than that" and reminded her who had always been there for her when she was crying on the phone, had went to all her plays, encouraged her before her theatre auditions, cherished every minute with her, and who still loved her. Her response was "I'm sorry, my feelings have changed". She always seemed to have little to say when it really mattered. Why was I so stupid to think it would be ANY different this time?
She asked me, "Well, wouldn't you do the same thing if one of your crushes said yes?". I said, "No, I don't trade love for some cheap crush....That's the difference between you and me." . I guess that's when I knew the girl I loved was gone. I still smile everytime I look at that picture of us together, standing in front of her house. She had love in her eyes and I was smiling the most geniune smile I had in years. I told her I had a reason to smile that day....she was by my side. I still haven't got the heart to take it down yet. So much for giving it my all. Here's to another relationship where I have been the giver and my partner the taker.
All that I have to hold onto is yesterday....
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Anyways, with that said....
I should have posted this earlier (some 2 or 3 days ago), but I've just had too much on my mind to sort things out.
January 2nd was my dad's 68th birthday. The man has been running 6 to 8 miles nearly every day for over 30 years. I still think he's more healthy than me! He sure doesn't look 68. We celebrated his birthday by having a nice dinner at Applebee's and steaks all around. It was an otherwise happy day until I tried to talk to Claire.
I suppose I was looking for some small twinkle of hope, some sign that she still cared and didn't really mean to be so cold over the break. Instead I got, "Well, I already told my parents that we broke up...." . I hammered and hammered away because I don't stand for the "let me down easy", "silent treatment" bullshit. If someone wants to end a relationship, I want a good, honest reason. Finally after many questions, she admitted that one of her longtime crushes had finally e-mailed her, asking her out. I was crushed and it took me several minutes to reply because I too busy sulking on my bed.
I told her "I thought I meant more to you than that" and reminded her who had always been there for her when she was crying on the phone, had went to all her plays, encouraged her before her theatre auditions, cherished every minute with her, and who still loved her. Her response was "I'm sorry, my feelings have changed". She always seemed to have little to say when it really mattered. Why was I so stupid to think it would be ANY different this time?
She asked me, "Well, wouldn't you do the same thing if one of your crushes said yes?". I said, "No, I don't trade love for some cheap crush....That's the difference between you and me." . I guess that's when I knew the girl I loved was gone. I still smile everytime I look at that picture of us together, standing in front of her house. She had love in her eyes and I was smiling the most geniune smile I had in years. I told her I had a reason to smile that day....she was by my side. I still haven't got the heart to take it down yet. So much for giving it my all. Here's to another relationship where I have been the giver and my partner the taker.
All that I have to hold onto is yesterday....