have you ever

[xuanniiexism]

have you ever been proud of me
that your chest burst with joy and pride at the sight before you
that every fibre of my being becomes worthy enough for you to parade on a podium
screaming at the crowds to claim posession
of
me?

that when the day ends your fatigue becomes a moment of quiet contemplation
when you thank the Good Lord for what you have been able to raise and create
that i'm well and healthy and able and motivated and ambitious and
happy?

when the harsh beams bloomed overhead to highlight the flushes on my cheeks and the veins on my necks
have you ever sat within the crowd sitting a little straighter, a little higher,
dressed a little better, smile a little brighter -
at what was unfolding before you, of miracles and strength, of beauty and brains?

this absolute void and vacuum and bloody blackhole sings and mocks and enlarges the apparent nought.
i see the toil sweat and tears
the blood the pain the worries
working ur ass off and giving everything up

but why am i sitting here feeling like the greatest, fattest, ugliest boulder in the whole world that you have to shoulder for no reason at all...that extra burden to weigh upon your life your dreams and everything else.

isn't it easier

to just sit back

let me

be.

smile, with pride and joy, admiring...me?