Ruminations
XLIII. "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..."
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861)
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
Haven't been able to shake this out of my head since Gloria's IS 3years ago.
Ooops has it really been 3 years.
YES IT HAS.
crazy.
many things have taken place over the course of my absence here but i've taken to the likes of microblogging to document my life. Instagram, twitter, facebook. We used to build our lives day by day but right now i live by massive seasons. I don't know if this is supposed to be a call for a wry sense of sadness but right now i feel exhilarated, jubilant, excited, a little fearful and a whole lot of thankfulness.
If you ask me what I did in a particular day maybe.. 2 weeks ago, I may not be able to remember. But this season is attributed to milestones. I remember them all.
today i think about the people i love. and the things i love.
this particular season has been empowering. and indulgent. and awakening.
in a strange kind of "coming-of-age" style, i realise i began to understand and experience for myself, firsthand, the complexities of life and how we all wish to compartmentalize these various complexities which is ultimately exhausting and a complete waste of time and that's how tolerance and compassion and embracing come into play.
we accept even if we do not understand. because we feel and feelings are basically one of the greatest hints at an Intelligent Designer. not being just mere cosmic accidents evolving from spontaneous chemical reactions but actually possessing the need to make sense of meaning in our lives, the constant need to satisfy the conscience and love. Oh love, what a beautiful beautiful thing to give and to receive.
i find myself in a happy place. of security. of comfortability in my own skin, of expecting the sky but contented to be resting atop a tree branch.
i am protected, cared, celebrated and loved. it is such an incredible thing to finally realise these things that were actually there from the very first breath i took out of my mother's womb but God's timing is always perfect so yes, blessed. Blessed is the word.
i used to wish that i could add "understood" to that list but right now it doesn't matter. none of us really truly, deeply, nuancedly, wholeheartedly, undoubtedly "UNDERSTAND" one another. we just aren't built for that because deep communion is meant for God and Man and Man and Man are built to INTERACT to get a deeper sense of understanding. In this respect, UNDERSTANDING never stops.
so it doesn't matter if people only understands/sees the surface, or people don't understand or they misunderstand because i am loved, and i am in love and i am accepted and all these heartwarming, cuddly emotions and happenings are just so so so sufficient.
i guess what i really want to say is that -
i am self-actualized.
and i only got here AFTER i ended Drama Practical As yesterday, and i no longer feel like a hypocrite naming my last frame "self-actualization".
and the best thing is my first frame is Alpha but my last frame isn't Omega. Because Self-Actualization is a hiking trip. It doesn't stop. I am now atop a mountain, and I praise the Lord. Come at me valleys, I'll praise the Lord too.