Waiting for another disaster (2013)
Just under ten days left in the year and what has 2013 been? A bit of a roller coaster, with more drops than climaxes, a handful of joyful moments, a couple of devastating ones, and mostly a plateau of nothing too interesting. Each time we were due up for a big change, it didn't happen. Anticipation hit walls every time and sometimes that was killer, but sometimes that meant hanging on a little longer.
There were things like thinking I needed to be in LA and promises of a new job, but one of those turned out not to be so necessary while the other didn't happen at all. The whole dramatically quitting my job just to end up staying situation was one of the things I expected the biggest, most important changes from in 2013, but, as the title gives away, results were null.
LA didn't quite enthrall me either. Not the way it has in the past. I didn't need it like I thought I did. Not even close.
Near the end of Summer it looked like we'd be losing a family member. We did, but not the one expected. All this time later and my grandpa has been doing surprisingly well. It's not perfect, but so much better than it looked for a while. On the other hand, we still miss cousin Pam dearly and holidays will never be the same.
I've watched the same amount of friends have successful years as ones who have been beaten.
My 2007-2009 self made a huge comeback and in true crazy girlfriend fashion, the good parts were the best they've ever been while the bad parts were downright ugly. Ask my Abusive Boyfriend. I'm never really sure if they're happy we're still around or bummed we haven't grown-up like they have. I wonder the same thing.
I'm afraid of 2014. I may have a goal or two, but I'm not enough of an asshole to pretend the calendar will change my life. Maybe it'll be our year? I'm optimistic enough to confidently say we're due.
There were things like thinking I needed to be in LA and promises of a new job, but one of those turned out not to be so necessary while the other didn't happen at all. The whole dramatically quitting my job just to end up staying situation was one of the things I expected the biggest, most important changes from in 2013, but, as the title gives away, results were null.
LA didn't quite enthrall me either. Not the way it has in the past. I didn't need it like I thought I did. Not even close.
Near the end of Summer it looked like we'd be losing a family member. We did, but not the one expected. All this time later and my grandpa has been doing surprisingly well. It's not perfect, but so much better than it looked for a while. On the other hand, we still miss cousin Pam dearly and holidays will never be the same.
I've watched the same amount of friends have successful years as ones who have been beaten.
My 2007-2009 self made a huge comeback and in true crazy girlfriend fashion, the good parts were the best they've ever been while the bad parts were downright ugly. Ask my Abusive Boyfriend. I'm never really sure if they're happy we're still around or bummed we haven't grown-up like they have. I wonder the same thing.
I'm afraid of 2014. I may have a goal or two, but I'm not enough of an asshole to pretend the calendar will change my life. Maybe it'll be our year? I'm optimistic enough to confidently say we're due.