So people say I've changed, and it's harder to relate to me..
Good, I never liked you our friendship was make believe
"This is a message to anyone I met that thinks they know me
Don't pretend to understand any of the issues that I'm holding"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm interested in being friends with differant people. With the people I never thought I would be friends with, the people who I thought were so much better than I was. I'm growing up and realizing that the people who have been my friends have brought me nothing but trouble all along. These people are like strangers to me, they know nothing about who I really am. I could sit down and talk to someone for hours and explain my perception on life, and love, and so many other things that are important to me, and these strangers who are the ones I thought were my friends through thick in thin, I have realized, I havent even opened up my true self to any of them. They were my partners in crime, my drug buddies, the kids that I could sit there and talk about how bullshit the world is, and how we hated our parents, and how we could go through life without an education. Who was that? Was that me? I thought I was the girl who was best friends with my mom, who has been planing to go to college since she was 4. The girl who woke up every morning and straightened her hair and spent hours doing makeup for school, and coming home every night and spending hours on end on my homework... I lost my true self for awhile there, and some days I feel like it could be coming back, and other days I don't even know who I am. I don't know what my purpose is, and I sure as hell don't know who my "friends" are.
I'm drained.. all this trying to change back to who I thought I was. But in reality, I'm all confused now. I don't know where I belong, and I don't know if I will meet my goals I set for myself back when I was young. I can keep hiding behind my smile, and I know it's not going to prove anything in the end.
Maybe taking all the time I have away by hopfully making the team will calm my emotions. But as for now, I enjoy sitting by myself and
moping around...
**
P.s. Kaila and Julie... thanks you two. <3