Destroy
Shed a fucking tear.
Welp, alone again. I don't update this stupid piece of shit because no one should really fucking care who I am or what I'm thinking. To be honest why would you even care? I've had probably the longest relationship with any girl I may ever have. She was basicly everything in a personality that I ever wanted. She had down falls but of course so does everyone. I know for a fact that I'm not perfect. Maybe she was a little clingy or maybe she didn't give a fuck about money... Every moment was still fun. I honestly don't know what happened. It must have happened all within 1 or 2 weeks when finals started and I tried to start a second job. I just didn't have time to be with her and I think she hated it. When I did want to spend time with her it seemed like she pushed it away or tried to make an excuse that she knew would get on my nerves.
I am so fucking stressed out it even amazes me on how much abuse my mind can take. Ever since that very little special day when I was 13 and lost someone very important I just havn't really given a shit about the big shit... And that will be my down fall. I can barely shed a tear for losing someone I truly loved. Instead of doing what any normal person would I bash on the drums for 3 hours or race people down M-5 in the Trans Am... Well, I do drink a lot... Nothing like drowning your sorrows away.
I'd love to be friends with her I really would... The fact is, I'd still have feelings for her and if she were to get the "new" guy I don't think he'd look to great afterwards. The thing out of the whole thing that I dont get is this... Why does she want to leave me to do things that she could do while being with me? You can enjoy yourself, you can be alone, you can travel, you can meet new people, you can even spend money but I don't have to be there every single step of the way. I have been so supportive to someone else again and what to I get? Uhm, ya you're not mature enough and I'm not ready for this long time relationship thing... sigh.
I loved so much of her... Her light red lips... Her green, brown, blue eyes (aka hazel)... Her hair, she has no idea how much I loved her hair. Her breasts... Her fluff =P I loved her giggle to death... Her soft hands vs my workshop hands... How she cared about so many things, even things she couldn't control. I love her new room... if only that bird could stfu. I loved how she would compliment everything I did, even though I don't compliment well. I loved her kiss and will miss it for a long time. I loved to hold her... I loved when she would talk to me FOR SERIOUS!!! (Caps = serious) I liked how she claimed she <3 video games but hated losing even though she wasn't that good at many. I was so proud of her new hockey gear. I loved to see all her books even though she kinda didn't read many of them. I loved how she would hold onto somthing really tight when I went really fast in the Corvette or Trans Am... Theres more... but I just cant think of it.
I just hope this is what she really wants... and not what her friends are telling her to do... You must always follow heart to what you love... I've had a lot of people tell me I can do better, but I don't want better... I want her... That's what my heart tells me, and that's why I'm so confused.
Welp, alone again. I don't update this stupid piece of shit because no one should really fucking care who I am or what I'm thinking. To be honest why would you even care? I've had probably the longest relationship with any girl I may ever have. She was basicly everything in a personality that I ever wanted. She had down falls but of course so does everyone. I know for a fact that I'm not perfect. Maybe she was a little clingy or maybe she didn't give a fuck about money... Every moment was still fun. I honestly don't know what happened. It must have happened all within 1 or 2 weeks when finals started and I tried to start a second job. I just didn't have time to be with her and I think she hated it. When I did want to spend time with her it seemed like she pushed it away or tried to make an excuse that she knew would get on my nerves.
I am so fucking stressed out it even amazes me on how much abuse my mind can take. Ever since that very little special day when I was 13 and lost someone very important I just havn't really given a shit about the big shit... And that will be my down fall. I can barely shed a tear for losing someone I truly loved. Instead of doing what any normal person would I bash on the drums for 3 hours or race people down M-5 in the Trans Am... Well, I do drink a lot... Nothing like drowning your sorrows away.
I'd love to be friends with her I really would... The fact is, I'd still have feelings for her and if she were to get the "new" guy I don't think he'd look to great afterwards. The thing out of the whole thing that I dont get is this... Why does she want to leave me to do things that she could do while being with me? You can enjoy yourself, you can be alone, you can travel, you can meet new people, you can even spend money but I don't have to be there every single step of the way. I have been so supportive to someone else again and what to I get? Uhm, ya you're not mature enough and I'm not ready for this long time relationship thing... sigh.
I loved so much of her... Her light red lips... Her green, brown, blue eyes (aka hazel)... Her hair, she has no idea how much I loved her hair. Her breasts... Her fluff =P I loved her giggle to death... Her soft hands vs my workshop hands... How she cared about so many things, even things she couldn't control. I love her new room... if only that bird could stfu. I loved how she would compliment everything I did, even though I don't compliment well. I loved her kiss and will miss it for a long time. I loved to hold her... I loved when she would talk to me FOR SERIOUS!!! (Caps = serious) I liked how she claimed she <3 video games but hated losing even though she wasn't that good at many. I was so proud of her new hockey gear. I loved to see all her books even though she kinda didn't read many of them. I loved how she would hold onto somthing really tight when I went really fast in the Corvette or Trans Am... Theres more... but I just cant think of it.
I just hope this is what she really wants... and not what her friends are telling her to do... You must always follow heart to what you love... I've had a lot of people tell me I can do better, but I don't want better... I want her... That's what my heart tells me, and that's why I'm so confused.