yup
I'm trying to get this awful taste in my mouth. It's just horrible. It's what death taste like. One of the biggest things I hate in my life and I started doing it. Every puff I take just tastes worse and worse. Just one more day and I'm going to do it. No matter what I'm going to quit smoking and I'll look back and regret the few months that I took it up. How fucking stupid of me? I can't belive I bought my first pack just so I could try it out. Then I bought another... and another. Then it just came so natural to make that left turn into the cig outlet after I left dunkin donuts for my coffee.
I tried to quit for real already. The first day wasn't that hard. It only played a few mind games on me. The thing that really helped was seeing bobby more half the day. I just ignored the cravings once I saw her. I told her how it felt though because I thought it was interesting. The next morning I woke up and had a huge craving. I had to work at 3:30 until 10:30 and I wouldnt see Bobby until after. My mind kept trying to make up lowsy excuses to itself and I was trying to fight it. I went to get coffee to counter the crave. Then when I walked out I turned left and I stopped and thought "Why the fuck am I turning to the cig outlet?" I got in my car and left.
When I got home I tried to play vid games to counter it but I kept thinking of Bobby... then Cigs... Then what if i smoked cigs... Then how disapointed Bobby would be... Then I was thinking of cigs again. It just kept going on and on like a cartisian circle. I couldn't stop thinking of it. I got ready for work and I broke. I pulled in the cig outlet and just bought another pack and gave up... just like that. I put the cig in my mouth... lit it... and tears started to fall. I was so disapointed in myself I couldnt belive it. Somthing I hate so much because my aunt is dying from it and I'm doing it to myself. What would Bobby think? I called her and told her... I wish I waited because I think it might have messed up her day. But I had to hear her voice and I had to talk about it. I hung up and walked in work.
I'm trying again Saturday... I'm a little more prepared for it. I'm not gonna let it hurt me as bad as it did. If I can make it past four days I know I'll be free. This stupid little thing seems to be the only downfall in my life. Everything else is perfect. I'm doing well in my classes. I finally got a fucking job. My parents are proud of me once again. And I have the most amazing girl in my hands. This is the only thing thats dragging me down and I won't let it do it to me anymore.
On a plus note. I sold my dirtbike for $300. Then I bought a brand spanking new exhaust system for my truck. CUSTOM exhaust! I got dual pipes going strait out the back. Oooo yea dual pipes ina 4 banger ranger!
After that I went to my Colleges art show... How fucking lame. WLC art show was so much better. They just put ZERO effort into it. It was very disapointing.
After that even I went to our bands new hide out. This garage is amazing. Our DJs father has a 69 Corvette thats just totally decked out. My dream car sitting right next to me as I scream out vocals. I really miss Dave in the band though and I hope he moves his set in there with us. It's a really great place and we have been practicing there every since we moved Joshs stuff their. It is the best practice spot I have seen in awhile.
Welp, wish me luck on my death stick problem and I'll catch you all in another month! (oh wait only dave and bobby read this)
I tried to quit for real already. The first day wasn't that hard. It only played a few mind games on me. The thing that really helped was seeing bobby more half the day. I just ignored the cravings once I saw her. I told her how it felt though because I thought it was interesting. The next morning I woke up and had a huge craving. I had to work at 3:30 until 10:30 and I wouldnt see Bobby until after. My mind kept trying to make up lowsy excuses to itself and I was trying to fight it. I went to get coffee to counter the crave. Then when I walked out I turned left and I stopped and thought "Why the fuck am I turning to the cig outlet?" I got in my car and left.
When I got home I tried to play vid games to counter it but I kept thinking of Bobby... then Cigs... Then what if i smoked cigs... Then how disapointed Bobby would be... Then I was thinking of cigs again. It just kept going on and on like a cartisian circle. I couldn't stop thinking of it. I got ready for work and I broke. I pulled in the cig outlet and just bought another pack and gave up... just like that. I put the cig in my mouth... lit it... and tears started to fall. I was so disapointed in myself I couldnt belive it. Somthing I hate so much because my aunt is dying from it and I'm doing it to myself. What would Bobby think? I called her and told her... I wish I waited because I think it might have messed up her day. But I had to hear her voice and I had to talk about it. I hung up and walked in work.
I'm trying again Saturday... I'm a little more prepared for it. I'm not gonna let it hurt me as bad as it did. If I can make it past four days I know I'll be free. This stupid little thing seems to be the only downfall in my life. Everything else is perfect. I'm doing well in my classes. I finally got a fucking job. My parents are proud of me once again. And I have the most amazing girl in my hands. This is the only thing thats dragging me down and I won't let it do it to me anymore.
On a plus note. I sold my dirtbike for $300. Then I bought a brand spanking new exhaust system for my truck. CUSTOM exhaust! I got dual pipes going strait out the back. Oooo yea dual pipes ina 4 banger ranger!
After that I went to my Colleges art show... How fucking lame. WLC art show was so much better. They just put ZERO effort into it. It was very disapointing.
After that even I went to our bands new hide out. This garage is amazing. Our DJs father has a 69 Corvette thats just totally decked out. My dream car sitting right next to me as I scream out vocals. I really miss Dave in the band though and I hope he moves his set in there with us. It's a really great place and we have been practicing there every since we moved Joshs stuff their. It is the best practice spot I have seen in awhile.
Welp, wish me luck on my death stick problem and I'll catch you all in another month! (oh wait only dave and bobby read this)