(no subject)
I had the best weekend fo sho. Too much fun with too many people. Now if only I could sleep without fear of suffocating. Sickness = lame.
How strange my life is, how awesome suddenly. This weekend has been full of fun magical things I am thankful for and tons of inspiration. Even if ghosts still pop out at me from around unexpected corners at high velocity, or shrinking back at a distance- that's just Chattanooga. That's just having been in love at one time. It's having lived in one place for twenty years. It's having gone to college in the town you grew up in and never hearing from the girls you lived with for four years. It's always being able to hang out with your parents and know that they are the only ones who get huge parts of your life. Memories of loss add to the sense of magic that comes at this time of year. Autumn is often, in part, an exorcism.
And, in a weird paradoxical way, a new beginning. A time for nesting and revaluating. These days it seems like life goes at a million miles a minute and I can barely keep up, can barely make any decisions or know what way is up. I've learned so much about myself this summer, and it was all such a total, necessary ordeal but my journey isn't over...I've only just begun to sort out all the pieces of my life behind me into some sort of order. There are so many left over threads to untangle, so many characters whose roles were uncertain, so many faults of my own to recognize. But it's too much to take in right now, it keep from what I need most, which is sleep. With enough of that and enough of this growing clarity maybe I can work up the strength to toss out everything that doesn't work, to let go of too many dead ends, and make room only for everything I've always wanted to do, everyone I've always wanted to meet, and make a brand new future.
I want a new leaf and a clean slate.
How strange my life is, how awesome suddenly. This weekend has been full of fun magical things I am thankful for and tons of inspiration. Even if ghosts still pop out at me from around unexpected corners at high velocity, or shrinking back at a distance- that's just Chattanooga. That's just having been in love at one time. It's having lived in one place for twenty years. It's having gone to college in the town you grew up in and never hearing from the girls you lived with for four years. It's always being able to hang out with your parents and know that they are the only ones who get huge parts of your life. Memories of loss add to the sense of magic that comes at this time of year. Autumn is often, in part, an exorcism.
And, in a weird paradoxical way, a new beginning. A time for nesting and revaluating. These days it seems like life goes at a million miles a minute and I can barely keep up, can barely make any decisions or know what way is up. I've learned so much about myself this summer, and it was all such a total, necessary ordeal but my journey isn't over...I've only just begun to sort out all the pieces of my life behind me into some sort of order. There are so many left over threads to untangle, so many characters whose roles were uncertain, so many faults of my own to recognize. But it's too much to take in right now, it keep from what I need most, which is sleep. With enough of that and enough of this growing clarity maybe I can work up the strength to toss out everything that doesn't work, to let go of too many dead ends, and make room only for everything I've always wanted to do, everyone I've always wanted to meet, and make a brand new future.
I want a new leaf and a clean slate.