Third Watch, 12 Days of Christmas 2005: Day 11: Fa La La La La (1/1)
Title: Fa La La La La
Authors: NYPDBosco & Xtremeroswellian
Rating: Safe for most everyone
NOTE: Every year we wrote a kind of spoof fic. Something really off the wall and extremely cheesy. We start with a very vague idea and then just run with it. This is the result....
"I hate Christmas," Sully complained as he sat down at one of the tables at Haggerty's the staff had arranged for them for the evening.
"Oh come on, Sul. How can you hate Christmas," Ty asked as he sat down across from his partner.
He made a face. "Because it doesn't mean anything. It's all about the little guys spending all their money, the stores taking all your money, and no one is ever happy with what they get anyway."
"So...in a way it's sorta like Valentine's Day, right?" Bosco questioned from where he sat next to Davis.
"It's like every national holiday," he confirmed.
"Well, if I had a bottle of beer right now I'd raise it to you." Bosco glanced around. "We may wanna mark this on the calendar. Sully and I are agreeing."
"I think I just saw a pig fly," Faith remarked, glancing out the window.
"No, that's just one of your co-workers," Jimmy said with a smirk.
"Take it back, Doherty."
"Make me, Boscorelli."
"You wanna go?" Bosco stood up. "Come on bucket boy. Let's take this outside."
Faith looked at Kim and rolled her eyes. "I think I'm supposed to say something about getting out a ruler but I already said that in one episode. "
"Yeah, it cheapens the humor to use it twice," she agreed.
Bosco looked at Faith. "Yard stick."
She snorted. "My bad."
"Actually I think most of the female viewers of Third Watch would be interested to know who has the longer..." Kim cleared her throat. "Bosco or Jimmy."
"Hey," Sully said, glaring at her.
"Oh come on Sullivan. Nobody's interested in your--"
"Ugh. I'm trying to eat here," Carlos said, making a face.
"Well we all know it's not Carlos," Alex said, walking up to the table with a smirk.
"Hey, Taylor, what are you doing...not dead?" Jimmy asked, startled.
"It's a Christmas fic, for God sakes. You think they'd let me stay dead for that?"
"Or me for that matter," Bobby asked as he came up behind Alex and rested a hand on her shoulder. Cruz cleared her throat and Bobby rolled his eyes. "Or her."
"And they let me outta the looney bin for a night."
Bosco's eyebrows furrowed as he looked at Doc. "Shouldn't you be in a straight jacket or somethin'?"
He shook his head. "No. Monroe isn't here for me to manipulate and steal her gun."
"Where is Monroe?" Sully asked, his eyebrows furrowing.
"I think she's off making another movie. Maybe a sequel to that one with the Ice Cube and the kids. What was it called?" Faith asked, thinking.
"Ice Cube, Faith. Not -the- Ice Cube." Bosco shook his head. "I was in a movie with him once."
"What movie?" Alex asked curiously.
"Higher Learning. It was back when I had long hair."
"You? Had long hair?" Davis gave him a look, noting his very short hairstyle.
"Yup. Had my ears pierced too."
Faith leaned over and examined his ears. "How come they aren't still pierced?"
"Right. Like Maurice Boscorelli would have pierced ears," he commented.
She looked at him quizzically. "But you just said--"
"No you misunderstand. See...back then when I was in the movie my name was Wayne. Now it's Maurice. I'm like...a bunch of different people."
"So like, split personalities?" Doc questioned. "You gonna come be my roommate?"
"Back off, he's mine," Faith warned, shooting Doc a look.
Davis raised his eyebrows. "A little possessive don't you think?"
"Maybe if you'd been more possessive you and Monroe would still be together."
"Oh, ouch," Doc chuckled. "She told you."
"So did everyone get done with their Christmas shopping?" Alex asked, sitting down.
"I'm all done. Only had four people to shop for." Bosco's forehead wrinkled. "Okay, five really, but two of them are the same person...sorta."
"Charlie or Emily?" Faith questioned.
"Emily. Young Emily and teenage Emily."
"Yeah, I had a hell of a time shopping for the two of them and the three Charlie's. I started this show with two kids and wound up with five without ever giving birth to another. How weird is that?" She shook her head.
"Yeah, no kiddin'. Luckily though I never really met the last two Charlie's, so I don't figure I gotta by them gifts." He glanced around the table. "Right?"
"I don't think there's really etiquette for that, is there?" Carlos asked, frowning.
"Etiquette? You're such a girl, Nieto," Taylor said, chuckling.
"Well, I'll tell you what. I don't know what the rules are or whatever, but...that kid in the finale standing in front of me and Kimmie and the baby. Was that supposed to be Joey? I mean...I only saw the kid for like five seconds, but he sure as hell didn't look like our kid," Jimmy commented as he rested his forearms on the table.
"I wondered that too. But I thought it'd be rude to ask him who he was or tell him to go away." Kim shrugged a little.
"Hey, did you know your names rhyme?" Sully asked suddenly. "Kimmie and Jimmy. Heh."
"Do you know how badly I want to puke every time he says Kimmie?" Bosco questioned.
"As bad as I want to puke every time I see you and Yokas making googly eyes at each other?" Carlos replied.
"We do not!"
"Yeah, Carlos. I mean, they fight more than anything," Davis informed him.
"You know, maybe they just fight so they can make up." Jimmy gagged as soon as the words were out of his mouth.
Faith shot him a glare. "Oh like you and Kim never did that."
"Geez. Can we -not- talk about this?" Bosco asked sticking his fingers in his ears and beginning to hum. Jimmy just smiled.
"I mean the two of you got married, got divorced, pretended to hate each other, had make up sex, had break up sex, then got married again."
Jimmy chuckled. "It's the only way to live."
"Damn. I wish I woulda thought of a scheme like that," Bosco commented.
"Yeah. Me too," Davis agreed.
"Ugh. Men." Faith and Taylor exchanged a look and rolled their eyes. Then Faith stood up. "Well, merry Christmas or happy holidays or whatever. I gotta get home and wrap presents for all five of my kids."
"I should get outta here too," Davis responded. "I got nieces and nephews and sisters and more sisters, and...I think a couple moms to get ready to see tomorrow."
"Your families are messed up," Taylor commented, shaking her head.
"Well not everyone can be perfect, Taylor," Doc told her as he stood up. "Trust me. I tried."
"Well I was." She sighed. "Of course I'm dead. But hey, for awhile I had not one but *two* of my own shows."
"Both of which have been canceled," Carlos pointed out, also standing up.
"Yeah? What've you done since Third Watch got the axe?" she challenged.
"Well I don't know about you losers, but I got a job at The White House," Bosco told them, puffing up his chest some.
"And then you got drunk and got your ass fired," Davis laughed.
"Hey, I've done some voice-overs in commercials," Cruz spoke up.
"Wooo." Faith rolled her eyes. "Good for you. Would you like a butter cookie?"
"Ladies," Davis warned. "Let's not get to the point where we have to call the cops. Seeing as none of us are cops anymore."
"Well, I'm a park ranger," Jimmy reminded him. "That's sorta like a cop...kinda."
"Yeah, you're a cop in a cheesy show about aliens." Alex smirked.
"It may be cheesy, but it's gonna lead to bigger and better things. Just ask Bobby. He knows all about climbing the ladder of success."
Bobby nodded his head. "That I do." He grinned. "Did you guys see me kiss that Will guy? I was a cop then. I was gay too."
Bosco's eyebrows furrowed and he looked Bobby up and down. "I always knew there was somethin' weird about you."
Faith sighed. "All the good ones are gay or taken."
"Excuse me?" Bosco gave her a look. "I'm not gay or taken."
"Well you're definitely not taken," Taylor said lightly.
"Hey! It's the belt that makes me walk funny," he said to defend himself.
"Anybody been parkin' in your space lately?" Sully asked with a snort.
"Do old women still make you wet?" Bosco countered.
Sully's face flushed red as the rest of the gang chuckled at his expense. "No, but you're still a dick."
Bosco opened his mouth to say something but before he could get a word out Davis held up a hand. "We know. We know. Yard stick."
"California, here we come, right back where we started from," Carlos mumbled.
Authors: NYPDBosco & Xtremeroswellian
Rating: Safe for most everyone
NOTE: Every year we wrote a kind of spoof fic. Something really off the wall and extremely cheesy. We start with a very vague idea and then just run with it. This is the result....
"I hate Christmas," Sully complained as he sat down at one of the tables at Haggerty's the staff had arranged for them for the evening.
"Oh come on, Sul. How can you hate Christmas," Ty asked as he sat down across from his partner.
He made a face. "Because it doesn't mean anything. It's all about the little guys spending all their money, the stores taking all your money, and no one is ever happy with what they get anyway."
"So...in a way it's sorta like Valentine's Day, right?" Bosco questioned from where he sat next to Davis.
"It's like every national holiday," he confirmed.
"Well, if I had a bottle of beer right now I'd raise it to you." Bosco glanced around. "We may wanna mark this on the calendar. Sully and I are agreeing."
"I think I just saw a pig fly," Faith remarked, glancing out the window.
"No, that's just one of your co-workers," Jimmy said with a smirk.
"Take it back, Doherty."
"Make me, Boscorelli."
"You wanna go?" Bosco stood up. "Come on bucket boy. Let's take this outside."
Faith looked at Kim and rolled her eyes. "I think I'm supposed to say something about getting out a ruler but I already said that in one episode. "
"Yeah, it cheapens the humor to use it twice," she agreed.
Bosco looked at Faith. "Yard stick."
She snorted. "My bad."
"Actually I think most of the female viewers of Third Watch would be interested to know who has the longer..." Kim cleared her throat. "Bosco or Jimmy."
"Hey," Sully said, glaring at her.
"Oh come on Sullivan. Nobody's interested in your--"
"Ugh. I'm trying to eat here," Carlos said, making a face.
"Well we all know it's not Carlos," Alex said, walking up to the table with a smirk.
"Hey, Taylor, what are you doing...not dead?" Jimmy asked, startled.
"It's a Christmas fic, for God sakes. You think they'd let me stay dead for that?"
"Or me for that matter," Bobby asked as he came up behind Alex and rested a hand on her shoulder. Cruz cleared her throat and Bobby rolled his eyes. "Or her."
"And they let me outta the looney bin for a night."
Bosco's eyebrows furrowed as he looked at Doc. "Shouldn't you be in a straight jacket or somethin'?"
He shook his head. "No. Monroe isn't here for me to manipulate and steal her gun."
"Where is Monroe?" Sully asked, his eyebrows furrowing.
"I think she's off making another movie. Maybe a sequel to that one with the Ice Cube and the kids. What was it called?" Faith asked, thinking.
"Ice Cube, Faith. Not -the- Ice Cube." Bosco shook his head. "I was in a movie with him once."
"What movie?" Alex asked curiously.
"Higher Learning. It was back when I had long hair."
"You? Had long hair?" Davis gave him a look, noting his very short hairstyle.
"Yup. Had my ears pierced too."
Faith leaned over and examined his ears. "How come they aren't still pierced?"
"Right. Like Maurice Boscorelli would have pierced ears," he commented.
She looked at him quizzically. "But you just said--"
"No you misunderstand. See...back then when I was in the movie my name was Wayne. Now it's Maurice. I'm like...a bunch of different people."
"So like, split personalities?" Doc questioned. "You gonna come be my roommate?"
"Back off, he's mine," Faith warned, shooting Doc a look.
Davis raised his eyebrows. "A little possessive don't you think?"
"Maybe if you'd been more possessive you and Monroe would still be together."
"Oh, ouch," Doc chuckled. "She told you."
"So did everyone get done with their Christmas shopping?" Alex asked, sitting down.
"I'm all done. Only had four people to shop for." Bosco's forehead wrinkled. "Okay, five really, but two of them are the same person...sorta."
"Charlie or Emily?" Faith questioned.
"Emily. Young Emily and teenage Emily."
"Yeah, I had a hell of a time shopping for the two of them and the three Charlie's. I started this show with two kids and wound up with five without ever giving birth to another. How weird is that?" She shook her head.
"Yeah, no kiddin'. Luckily though I never really met the last two Charlie's, so I don't figure I gotta by them gifts." He glanced around the table. "Right?"
"I don't think there's really etiquette for that, is there?" Carlos asked, frowning.
"Etiquette? You're such a girl, Nieto," Taylor said, chuckling.
"Well, I'll tell you what. I don't know what the rules are or whatever, but...that kid in the finale standing in front of me and Kimmie and the baby. Was that supposed to be Joey? I mean...I only saw the kid for like five seconds, but he sure as hell didn't look like our kid," Jimmy commented as he rested his forearms on the table.
"I wondered that too. But I thought it'd be rude to ask him who he was or tell him to go away." Kim shrugged a little.
"Hey, did you know your names rhyme?" Sully asked suddenly. "Kimmie and Jimmy. Heh."
"Do you know how badly I want to puke every time he says Kimmie?" Bosco questioned.
"As bad as I want to puke every time I see you and Yokas making googly eyes at each other?" Carlos replied.
"We do not!"
"Yeah, Carlos. I mean, they fight more than anything," Davis informed him.
"You know, maybe they just fight so they can make up." Jimmy gagged as soon as the words were out of his mouth.
Faith shot him a glare. "Oh like you and Kim never did that."
"Geez. Can we -not- talk about this?" Bosco asked sticking his fingers in his ears and beginning to hum. Jimmy just smiled.
"I mean the two of you got married, got divorced, pretended to hate each other, had make up sex, had break up sex, then got married again."
Jimmy chuckled. "It's the only way to live."
"Damn. I wish I woulda thought of a scheme like that," Bosco commented.
"Yeah. Me too," Davis agreed.
"Ugh. Men." Faith and Taylor exchanged a look and rolled their eyes. Then Faith stood up. "Well, merry Christmas or happy holidays or whatever. I gotta get home and wrap presents for all five of my kids."
"I should get outta here too," Davis responded. "I got nieces and nephews and sisters and more sisters, and...I think a couple moms to get ready to see tomorrow."
"Your families are messed up," Taylor commented, shaking her head.
"Well not everyone can be perfect, Taylor," Doc told her as he stood up. "Trust me. I tried."
"Well I was." She sighed. "Of course I'm dead. But hey, for awhile I had not one but *two* of my own shows."
"Both of which have been canceled," Carlos pointed out, also standing up.
"Yeah? What've you done since Third Watch got the axe?" she challenged.
"Well I don't know about you losers, but I got a job at The White House," Bosco told them, puffing up his chest some.
"And then you got drunk and got your ass fired," Davis laughed.
"Hey, I've done some voice-overs in commercials," Cruz spoke up.
"Wooo." Faith rolled her eyes. "Good for you. Would you like a butter cookie?"
"Ladies," Davis warned. "Let's not get to the point where we have to call the cops. Seeing as none of us are cops anymore."
"Well, I'm a park ranger," Jimmy reminded him. "That's sorta like a cop...kinda."
"Yeah, you're a cop in a cheesy show about aliens." Alex smirked.
"It may be cheesy, but it's gonna lead to bigger and better things. Just ask Bobby. He knows all about climbing the ladder of success."
Bobby nodded his head. "That I do." He grinned. "Did you guys see me kiss that Will guy? I was a cop then. I was gay too."
Bosco's eyebrows furrowed and he looked Bobby up and down. "I always knew there was somethin' weird about you."
Faith sighed. "All the good ones are gay or taken."
"Excuse me?" Bosco gave her a look. "I'm not gay or taken."
"Well you're definitely not taken," Taylor said lightly.
"Hey! It's the belt that makes me walk funny," he said to defend himself.
"Anybody been parkin' in your space lately?" Sully asked with a snort.
"Do old women still make you wet?" Bosco countered.
Sully's face flushed red as the rest of the gang chuckled at his expense. "No, but you're still a dick."
Bosco opened his mouth to say something but before he could get a word out Davis held up a hand. "We know. We know. Yard stick."
"California, here we come, right back where we started from," Carlos mumbled.