Chlark Fic: How About Now? (1/1)
Title: How About Now? (1/1)
Authors: X_tremeroswellian and ellie06
Disclaimer: Not ours. Just borrowing them.
Pairing: Chlark
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Up through and including “Progeny.”
How About Now?
Chloe stared unseeing at the television screen as some random movie on the Lifetime network played. She was curled up on her sofa alone in the dark room, her chin propped up on one hand as her mind swirled with the same thoughts that had kept her away for nearly 72 hours straight. The knock on the door startled her out of her reverie and she looked toward it with wary uncertainty.
On the other side of the apartment door, Clark paced nervously as he waited for Chloe to come to the door. Normally, Clark rarely bothered knocking before entering the apartment as the two friends had finally reached a stage in their relationship where such formalities had become unnecessary. But the events of the past few days had cast an uncertainty between him and Chloe. And after several days of unreturned phone calls, Clark's worry had reached a breaking point. If she wouldn't come to him, then he would go to her. He always would.
Slowly rising to her feet because she knew without looking who was on the other side of the door, she bit down on her lower lip. She wasn't ready to see him, but she knew she couldn't avoid him forever. Not that she wanted to. Not really. But she was drained and hurting and there was nothing he could say or do that was going to make things any better. Nothing could.
Drawing in a breath, she reached out and unlocked the door, slowly pulling it open and facing him for the first time in almost a week. "Hey."
"Hey yourself." Clark responded with a whisper of a smile that quickly vanished from his lips as he took in the first sight of Chloe he'd had in days. Dressed in a rumpled t-shirt and pajama bottoms, she looked pale and drawn. Her hair stuck up in every which direction and judging from the slackness of her clothing, she had obviously not been eating. Or sleeping for that matter.
The shadows under her eyes betrayed her weariness and more than anything else, Clark was struck dumb by the profound misery he saw in them. It brought back with a wrenching sharpness the pain he had felt when his father had died. And he kicked himself for the cowardice that had kept him from coming to Chloe sooner. He should have known. He should have been here for her.
"What's up?" she asked, forcing a small smile onto her face, a pathetic attempt to pretend things were normal and she was fine when neither was close to being the truth and they both knew it. "You wanna come in?"
"Yeah, thanks." Without further hesitation, Clark ducked into the darkened apartment and closed the door behind him. Motioning to the living room, they both settled into the couch on opposite ends. An awkward silence settled between them as Clark struggled to find something to say. "So, how are you?"
"Fine," she said automatically, glancing toward the television screen. "Just watching...some...movie." She motioned toward the TV with one hand vaguely.
"Chloe." Clark gently laid his hand on her shoulder, forcing her to turn her gaze back to him. "We both know you're not fine. Come on, it's me. Talk to me."
She drew in a breath and let it out slowly, avoiding his eyes. "What do you want me to say?" she asked softly.
"Anything so long as it's true." Clark sighed, frustrated at his own inability to reach her. Inhaling a deep breath, he decided to try the more direct approach. Sometimes, it was the only way to breach the impenetrable walls Chloe would erect around herself. "You haven't returned any of my phone calls Chlo, and that isn't like you. If you were fine, you wouldn't be avoiding me."
She was quiet for a long moment. "It's not like I'm avoiding just you," she said, trying to take the lighter approach to this conversation even though she already sensed his frustration.
"I know. My mom is just about ready to send out the National Guard to your door. Although I think that would fall under abuse of her senatorial powers." Clark smiled wryly at the thought. Shaking his head, he turned back to Chloe, refusing to let her change the subject. "We're all worried about you, Chlo. Me, my mom, Lana, Lois. All of us. And you're right, you have been avoiding us. But what I'm more afraid of is that you're avoiding dealing with what's happened. With your mom."
"How is Lana?" she asked softly, still avoiding his eyes. She knew that her friend had miscarried, and a whole new wave of sadness washed over her. "How's she dealing with...everything?"
"She's coping." Clark smiled sadly. "But she's not the one who needs me right now." Clark enveloped her small hand in his large one and gently squeezed.
"I don't know, Clark. She's married to a monster and she just lost the only good thing about the whole...being with Lex bit." She turned her head to look at him.
Clark was quiet for moment before responding. "She made her choice. And she made it with her eyes wide open. Whatever happens now…well, she has to live with those consequences." Squeezing her hand again, Clark drew Chloe closer to him, wanting to close the distance that lay between them, both physically and emotionally. "But I didn't come here to talk about Lana. Or Lex. I came here to be with you. Please Chlo, don't shut me out." Smiling softly, he gently teased, trying to ease her tension but still refusing to allow her deflection. "You never let me get away with that crap, so don't think you can either."
She shut her eyes and hesitantly rested her against his shoulder, shuddering involuntarily. "I don't think I can do this, Clark," she whispered, voice barely audible.
Unable to resist, Clark wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his chest. Placing a light kiss into her hair, he breathed in her scent. It reminded him of home. "You're the strongest person I know, Chlo. Stronger than you realize." Clark paused. "You get that from you're mom."
Chloe let out a shaky breath. "Yeah. And her power's had her in a catatonic state for most of my life," she murmured.
Almost involuntarily, Clark's arms tightened around her. "Is that what you think? That you're headed down the same path as your mom?"
"Aren't I?" Her voice was tiny. "Clark, it's a matter of time before I'm not...who I am anymore. And whether I end up committed in some institution or go on a psycho killing spree...I'm not gonna be myself."
"You don't know that." Clark practically growled. "And didn't we already agree that reporters deal in facts, not fiction? You've been infected with meteor rock for most of your life and not once in all this time has there been any sign of you being anyone other than who you have always been. Somebody who has always cared more about other people and for the truth than anyone else I know."
Closing his eyes, Clark pulled Chloe in closer, tighter for his own comfort as much as for hers.
She wanted nothing more than to believe him, the breath hitching in her throat as he held her tightly as though he had no intention of ever letting her go. But she knew that was all in her head. "The uncertainty is killing me," she admitted, her voice strained.
"I know it is." Clark placed another soft, lingering kiss on her forehead. "But you can't live your life just waiting for the worst to come, holding back for something that may never be. Because you have so much to give to this world, Chlo."
Wasn't that all she'd ever done? Wait for something to happen that never would? Closing her eyes once more, she swallowed hard at the feel of his lips against her forehead. "I think you're confusing the two of us, Clark," she said, attempting to joke.
For a moment, Clark tensed against her, sensing the hurt laced in with her weak attempt at humor. It pained him beyond words to know that he had been the cause. But even though it wasn't the best time in either of their lives for this, Clark knew he needed to set the record straight. Pulling back slightly, Clark gazed into her eyes, willing her to see the truth. "No, I don't think I am. For the first time, in a long while, I'm seeing clearly."
Her eyebrows furrowed a little as she looked up at him uncertainly. "Seeing...what clearly?"
Smiling slightly, Clark lifted his hand to her cheek, smoothing away a stray curl. "You. I see you." And because clearly his words were not saying enough of what he wanted, what he needed, he leaned in and kissed her. He caressed her with his lips, gently but with the confidence of a lover claiming what was his.
Chloe's eyes drifted shut at the soft kiss and instinctively she lifted a hand to his cheek, returning the light pressure. It wasn't the first time they'd kissed, but it was definitely the first time he'd ever initiated the contact. Swallowing hard, she slowly pulled away to look at him. "Clark..."
Closing his eyes at the intensity of the moment, Clark leaned in, touching his forehead to hers. "I know this is probably the worst timing ever…" Clark laughed ruefully before continuing. "But I can't stand the thought of you feeling like you're alone in all this. That you need to keep yourself at bay from the world. From me." Clark made a noise of frustration. "I meant what I said before. You mean more to me then you know. More to me then even I realized until..." The words died away as he captured her lips again, pressing against her with a desperate hunger. He whispered against her lips fiercely, "I won't lose you."
Tears pooled in her eyes at the intensity of his gaze, at the possessive, protective way he held her cradled against him. Hesitantly she rested a hand against his cheek again, her heart thumping quickly in her chest. "Clark...look." Her voice was barely audible. "You don't have to..." She shook her head, unable to form the right words. "I know I'm important to you. You don't have to prove anything to me, okay?"
"Maybe I need to." Clark sighed as he struggled to find the words to make her understand, to make her believe. "I've let so many people down, allowed so many bad things to happen because I was afraid. Because I was a coward, too scared to say and do what I really needed to do." A pregnant silence settled between them again. When he spoke again, his voice was steady and strong. "But I'm not that person anymore. I'm not going to just sit on the sidelines anymore, letting everything I love…..everyONE I love slip away."
Chloe was silent for a moment. "I'm glad to hear that," she said softly, tucking some hair behind her ear and slowly sitting up. "How can I help?"
Gazing down at her, Clark knew he needed to take the plunge. The fear of what her reaction could be nearly undid him. But he couldn't deny himself anymore. "Let me love you?"
She froze at his words, her eyes wide. "Clark, what are you saying?"
Wordlessly, Clark gathered Chloe into his arms and rose to his feet. Before she could utter a protest, he super sped out of the apartment leaving a whirlwind of loose papers in his wake. Within moments, he arrived at the barn loft and set Chloe down gently on her feet.
She blinked, not even realizing they'd moved until her feet were on solid ground. "Okay, what are we doing here?" she asked uneasily.
Clark smiled gently and responded by pulling her into his arms, kissing her tenderly. Twining his fingers through her gold hair, he deepened the kiss, coaxing her mouth open and tracing her lips with his tongue. After a long moment, he pulled away slightly, panting from the exertion of maintaining control over himself. "I know I've been thinking about that all year, so I figured we'd get it out of the way and be…..something more."
A faint, embarrassed smile tugged at her lips as he uttered nearly the same words she had the first day they'd met after she'd kissed him there in the loft. "That's...wow, you remembered that huh?" She looked out the loft window, swallowing hard.
Clark's mouth curved into an affectionate smile as he recalled that day so many years ago. He could still remember, with perfect clarity, the brightness of the sun overhead as it descended across the horizon. It had cast a magical glow around them. He remembered the taste of her lips, strawberry and vanilla and something uniquely Chloe. He remembered the smell of her. The smell of possibility.
"Yes, I remember that Chloe. I remember so much."
She bit her lower lip and gazed out over the fields and then up at the moonlight. "It's a nice night," she murmured, moving to sit on the edge of the window and exhaling slowly.
Clark approached her and wrapped his arms around her from behind, following her gaze out into the night sky. They stood together in silence. Emotions warred within him as he wondered if he had done the right thing by bringing her here, by taking this huge leap in their relationship. It was a risk, he knew this. "What are you thinking about?" he asked with trepidation.
Chloe was quiet for a moment, trying to gather her thoughts into something coherent. "Is this...because Lana married Lex?" Her voice was quiet.
Almost instinctively, Clark's arms tightened around her. "Yes. In a way, it is."
She tensed a little, her heart sinking. She'd figured as much.
Sensing her tension, Clark sighed. Turning her around to face him, he reached for her hand and pulled her away from the window to the couch behind them. As they sat down, he enveloped both of her hands into his and gazed directly into her eyes. "What happened with Lana, it hurt. It hurt like hell. But not for the reasons you think." Clark swallowed hard before continuing. "When I saw her standing exchanging vows with Lex, I realized that I didn't know who that woman was. And the person I was grieving for hasn't existed for a long time, if she ever did."
A bitter laugh escaped him as Clark looked away. "So much of myself was tied up in how I imagined my life was supposed to be, how Lana was supposed to be. But when I realized that all of that was based on a lie, on a stranger, it all came crashing down." Returning his gaze to Chloe, he tightened his hold on her hands, attempting to convey with his touch what he needed. "It felt like dying, Chlo." He paused again, needing to catch his breath before continuing his confession.
Her eyes were sad as she gazed up at him. She gently pulled one of her hands away from his and touched his cheek. "I know, Clark. I'm sorry. I wish...things were different." She looked down at the floor.
Touched by her sadness for him, Clark tilted her chin so that their eyes met again. "I don't."
"What do you mean?" Her eyebrows furrowed.
"I don't regret what's happened because when the illusion finally faded away, it was like scales falling from my eyes. Every thing I ever wanted with Lana, I already have with you. And it's better, deeper than anything I could have imagined with her." Unable to resist, he pressed a kiss to her cheek. "When I lost Lana to Lex, I felt free. But when I thought I had lost you, I felt empty. I felt despair."
Chloe's eyes watered involuntarily and she quickly shut them, feeling overwhelmed. It was everything she'd always wanted Clark Kent to say to her and now he was saying it and it felt unreal. Like just another dream she'd wake up from. "Clark--" Her voice broke.
Before she could speak further, Clark gathered her close again into his arms, sharing his warmth with her. "Shhh, I know this is too much, too soon. And this is probably the worst time to be spilling my guts out to you, but I need you to know that I'm not expecting anything." Clutching her to his chest, he spoke quietly into her hair. "I love you Chloe. And I'm willing to wait for as long as you need. Until you're ready, I'll be here. I'll always be here."
She swallowed hard, her ear pressed against his heart. She could hear it beating quickly beneath his chest and realized he was nervous. Drawing in a breath she let it out slowly and wound her arms around his waist, not pulling away. "Can I stay here tonight?" she whispered almost inaudibly.
Relief spread though him, as Clark realized he'd been holding his breath for her response. "Like you even need to ask." he gently teased.
She managed a faint smile and slowly pulled away to look up at him, vulnerability showing in her green eyes. "You're the only person I trust," she whispered. "And if...you change your mind in the morning...it's okay."
"Not a chance." Clark growled in response, tightening his hold possessively. "You're stuck with me, whether you like it or not." Mistaking her vulnerability for hesitation, the words were flippant, but a trace of uncertainty lingered in his tone. After so many years, it was unfair to assume that she felt about him in the same way. Was he asking for too much?
Still gazing at him, she hesitantly stood on her tiptoes and kissed him softly on the lips. "No one I'd rather be stuck with," she whispered.
Feeling her affection wash over him, he returned the kiss, cradling her head in his hands . There was so much ahead of them, so much to work through. But this was a start. And for now, it was enough.
Authors: X_tremeroswellian and ellie06
Disclaimer: Not ours. Just borrowing them.
Pairing: Chlark
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Up through and including “Progeny.”
How About Now?
Chloe stared unseeing at the television screen as some random movie on the Lifetime network played. She was curled up on her sofa alone in the dark room, her chin propped up on one hand as her mind swirled with the same thoughts that had kept her away for nearly 72 hours straight. The knock on the door startled her out of her reverie and she looked toward it with wary uncertainty.
On the other side of the apartment door, Clark paced nervously as he waited for Chloe to come to the door. Normally, Clark rarely bothered knocking before entering the apartment as the two friends had finally reached a stage in their relationship where such formalities had become unnecessary. But the events of the past few days had cast an uncertainty between him and Chloe. And after several days of unreturned phone calls, Clark's worry had reached a breaking point. If she wouldn't come to him, then he would go to her. He always would.
Slowly rising to her feet because she knew without looking who was on the other side of the door, she bit down on her lower lip. She wasn't ready to see him, but she knew she couldn't avoid him forever. Not that she wanted to. Not really. But she was drained and hurting and there was nothing he could say or do that was going to make things any better. Nothing could.
Drawing in a breath, she reached out and unlocked the door, slowly pulling it open and facing him for the first time in almost a week. "Hey."
"Hey yourself." Clark responded with a whisper of a smile that quickly vanished from his lips as he took in the first sight of Chloe he'd had in days. Dressed in a rumpled t-shirt and pajama bottoms, she looked pale and drawn. Her hair stuck up in every which direction and judging from the slackness of her clothing, she had obviously not been eating. Or sleeping for that matter.
The shadows under her eyes betrayed her weariness and more than anything else, Clark was struck dumb by the profound misery he saw in them. It brought back with a wrenching sharpness the pain he had felt when his father had died. And he kicked himself for the cowardice that had kept him from coming to Chloe sooner. He should have known. He should have been here for her.
"What's up?" she asked, forcing a small smile onto her face, a pathetic attempt to pretend things were normal and she was fine when neither was close to being the truth and they both knew it. "You wanna come in?"
"Yeah, thanks." Without further hesitation, Clark ducked into the darkened apartment and closed the door behind him. Motioning to the living room, they both settled into the couch on opposite ends. An awkward silence settled between them as Clark struggled to find something to say. "So, how are you?"
"Fine," she said automatically, glancing toward the television screen. "Just watching...some...movie." She motioned toward the TV with one hand vaguely.
"Chloe." Clark gently laid his hand on her shoulder, forcing her to turn her gaze back to him. "We both know you're not fine. Come on, it's me. Talk to me."
She drew in a breath and let it out slowly, avoiding his eyes. "What do you want me to say?" she asked softly.
"Anything so long as it's true." Clark sighed, frustrated at his own inability to reach her. Inhaling a deep breath, he decided to try the more direct approach. Sometimes, it was the only way to breach the impenetrable walls Chloe would erect around herself. "You haven't returned any of my phone calls Chlo, and that isn't like you. If you were fine, you wouldn't be avoiding me."
She was quiet for a long moment. "It's not like I'm avoiding just you," she said, trying to take the lighter approach to this conversation even though she already sensed his frustration.
"I know. My mom is just about ready to send out the National Guard to your door. Although I think that would fall under abuse of her senatorial powers." Clark smiled wryly at the thought. Shaking his head, he turned back to Chloe, refusing to let her change the subject. "We're all worried about you, Chlo. Me, my mom, Lana, Lois. All of us. And you're right, you have been avoiding us. But what I'm more afraid of is that you're avoiding dealing with what's happened. With your mom."
"How is Lana?" she asked softly, still avoiding his eyes. She knew that her friend had miscarried, and a whole new wave of sadness washed over her. "How's she dealing with...everything?"
"She's coping." Clark smiled sadly. "But she's not the one who needs me right now." Clark enveloped her small hand in his large one and gently squeezed.
"I don't know, Clark. She's married to a monster and she just lost the only good thing about the whole...being with Lex bit." She turned her head to look at him.
Clark was quiet for moment before responding. "She made her choice. And she made it with her eyes wide open. Whatever happens now…well, she has to live with those consequences." Squeezing her hand again, Clark drew Chloe closer to him, wanting to close the distance that lay between them, both physically and emotionally. "But I didn't come here to talk about Lana. Or Lex. I came here to be with you. Please Chlo, don't shut me out." Smiling softly, he gently teased, trying to ease her tension but still refusing to allow her deflection. "You never let me get away with that crap, so don't think you can either."
She shut her eyes and hesitantly rested her against his shoulder, shuddering involuntarily. "I don't think I can do this, Clark," she whispered, voice barely audible.
Unable to resist, Clark wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his chest. Placing a light kiss into her hair, he breathed in her scent. It reminded him of home. "You're the strongest person I know, Chlo. Stronger than you realize." Clark paused. "You get that from you're mom."
Chloe let out a shaky breath. "Yeah. And her power's had her in a catatonic state for most of my life," she murmured.
Almost involuntarily, Clark's arms tightened around her. "Is that what you think? That you're headed down the same path as your mom?"
"Aren't I?" Her voice was tiny. "Clark, it's a matter of time before I'm not...who I am anymore. And whether I end up committed in some institution or go on a psycho killing spree...I'm not gonna be myself."
"You don't know that." Clark practically growled. "And didn't we already agree that reporters deal in facts, not fiction? You've been infected with meteor rock for most of your life and not once in all this time has there been any sign of you being anyone other than who you have always been. Somebody who has always cared more about other people and for the truth than anyone else I know."
Closing his eyes, Clark pulled Chloe in closer, tighter for his own comfort as much as for hers.
She wanted nothing more than to believe him, the breath hitching in her throat as he held her tightly as though he had no intention of ever letting her go. But she knew that was all in her head. "The uncertainty is killing me," she admitted, her voice strained.
"I know it is." Clark placed another soft, lingering kiss on her forehead. "But you can't live your life just waiting for the worst to come, holding back for something that may never be. Because you have so much to give to this world, Chlo."
Wasn't that all she'd ever done? Wait for something to happen that never would? Closing her eyes once more, she swallowed hard at the feel of his lips against her forehead. "I think you're confusing the two of us, Clark," she said, attempting to joke.
For a moment, Clark tensed against her, sensing the hurt laced in with her weak attempt at humor. It pained him beyond words to know that he had been the cause. But even though it wasn't the best time in either of their lives for this, Clark knew he needed to set the record straight. Pulling back slightly, Clark gazed into her eyes, willing her to see the truth. "No, I don't think I am. For the first time, in a long while, I'm seeing clearly."
Her eyebrows furrowed a little as she looked up at him uncertainly. "Seeing...what clearly?"
Smiling slightly, Clark lifted his hand to her cheek, smoothing away a stray curl. "You. I see you." And because clearly his words were not saying enough of what he wanted, what he needed, he leaned in and kissed her. He caressed her with his lips, gently but with the confidence of a lover claiming what was his.
Chloe's eyes drifted shut at the soft kiss and instinctively she lifted a hand to his cheek, returning the light pressure. It wasn't the first time they'd kissed, but it was definitely the first time he'd ever initiated the contact. Swallowing hard, she slowly pulled away to look at him. "Clark..."
Closing his eyes at the intensity of the moment, Clark leaned in, touching his forehead to hers. "I know this is probably the worst timing ever…" Clark laughed ruefully before continuing. "But I can't stand the thought of you feeling like you're alone in all this. That you need to keep yourself at bay from the world. From me." Clark made a noise of frustration. "I meant what I said before. You mean more to me then you know. More to me then even I realized until..." The words died away as he captured her lips again, pressing against her with a desperate hunger. He whispered against her lips fiercely, "I won't lose you."
Tears pooled in her eyes at the intensity of his gaze, at the possessive, protective way he held her cradled against him. Hesitantly she rested a hand against his cheek again, her heart thumping quickly in her chest. "Clark...look." Her voice was barely audible. "You don't have to..." She shook her head, unable to form the right words. "I know I'm important to you. You don't have to prove anything to me, okay?"
"Maybe I need to." Clark sighed as he struggled to find the words to make her understand, to make her believe. "I've let so many people down, allowed so many bad things to happen because I was afraid. Because I was a coward, too scared to say and do what I really needed to do." A pregnant silence settled between them again. When he spoke again, his voice was steady and strong. "But I'm not that person anymore. I'm not going to just sit on the sidelines anymore, letting everything I love…..everyONE I love slip away."
Chloe was silent for a moment. "I'm glad to hear that," she said softly, tucking some hair behind her ear and slowly sitting up. "How can I help?"
Gazing down at her, Clark knew he needed to take the plunge. The fear of what her reaction could be nearly undid him. But he couldn't deny himself anymore. "Let me love you?"
She froze at his words, her eyes wide. "Clark, what are you saying?"
Wordlessly, Clark gathered Chloe into his arms and rose to his feet. Before she could utter a protest, he super sped out of the apartment leaving a whirlwind of loose papers in his wake. Within moments, he arrived at the barn loft and set Chloe down gently on her feet.
She blinked, not even realizing they'd moved until her feet were on solid ground. "Okay, what are we doing here?" she asked uneasily.
Clark smiled gently and responded by pulling her into his arms, kissing her tenderly. Twining his fingers through her gold hair, he deepened the kiss, coaxing her mouth open and tracing her lips with his tongue. After a long moment, he pulled away slightly, panting from the exertion of maintaining control over himself. "I know I've been thinking about that all year, so I figured we'd get it out of the way and be…..something more."
A faint, embarrassed smile tugged at her lips as he uttered nearly the same words she had the first day they'd met after she'd kissed him there in the loft. "That's...wow, you remembered that huh?" She looked out the loft window, swallowing hard.
Clark's mouth curved into an affectionate smile as he recalled that day so many years ago. He could still remember, with perfect clarity, the brightness of the sun overhead as it descended across the horizon. It had cast a magical glow around them. He remembered the taste of her lips, strawberry and vanilla and something uniquely Chloe. He remembered the smell of her. The smell of possibility.
"Yes, I remember that Chloe. I remember so much."
She bit her lower lip and gazed out over the fields and then up at the moonlight. "It's a nice night," she murmured, moving to sit on the edge of the window and exhaling slowly.
Clark approached her and wrapped his arms around her from behind, following her gaze out into the night sky. They stood together in silence. Emotions warred within him as he wondered if he had done the right thing by bringing her here, by taking this huge leap in their relationship. It was a risk, he knew this. "What are you thinking about?" he asked with trepidation.
Chloe was quiet for a moment, trying to gather her thoughts into something coherent. "Is this...because Lana married Lex?" Her voice was quiet.
Almost instinctively, Clark's arms tightened around her. "Yes. In a way, it is."
She tensed a little, her heart sinking. She'd figured as much.
Sensing her tension, Clark sighed. Turning her around to face him, he reached for her hand and pulled her away from the window to the couch behind them. As they sat down, he enveloped both of her hands into his and gazed directly into her eyes. "What happened with Lana, it hurt. It hurt like hell. But not for the reasons you think." Clark swallowed hard before continuing. "When I saw her standing exchanging vows with Lex, I realized that I didn't know who that woman was. And the person I was grieving for hasn't existed for a long time, if she ever did."
A bitter laugh escaped him as Clark looked away. "So much of myself was tied up in how I imagined my life was supposed to be, how Lana was supposed to be. But when I realized that all of that was based on a lie, on a stranger, it all came crashing down." Returning his gaze to Chloe, he tightened his hold on her hands, attempting to convey with his touch what he needed. "It felt like dying, Chlo." He paused again, needing to catch his breath before continuing his confession.
Her eyes were sad as she gazed up at him. She gently pulled one of her hands away from his and touched his cheek. "I know, Clark. I'm sorry. I wish...things were different." She looked down at the floor.
Touched by her sadness for him, Clark tilted her chin so that their eyes met again. "I don't."
"What do you mean?" Her eyebrows furrowed.
"I don't regret what's happened because when the illusion finally faded away, it was like scales falling from my eyes. Every thing I ever wanted with Lana, I already have with you. And it's better, deeper than anything I could have imagined with her." Unable to resist, he pressed a kiss to her cheek. "When I lost Lana to Lex, I felt free. But when I thought I had lost you, I felt empty. I felt despair."
Chloe's eyes watered involuntarily and she quickly shut them, feeling overwhelmed. It was everything she'd always wanted Clark Kent to say to her and now he was saying it and it felt unreal. Like just another dream she'd wake up from. "Clark--" Her voice broke.
Before she could speak further, Clark gathered her close again into his arms, sharing his warmth with her. "Shhh, I know this is too much, too soon. And this is probably the worst time to be spilling my guts out to you, but I need you to know that I'm not expecting anything." Clutching her to his chest, he spoke quietly into her hair. "I love you Chloe. And I'm willing to wait for as long as you need. Until you're ready, I'll be here. I'll always be here."
She swallowed hard, her ear pressed against his heart. She could hear it beating quickly beneath his chest and realized he was nervous. Drawing in a breath she let it out slowly and wound her arms around his waist, not pulling away. "Can I stay here tonight?" she whispered almost inaudibly.
Relief spread though him, as Clark realized he'd been holding his breath for her response. "Like you even need to ask." he gently teased.
She managed a faint smile and slowly pulled away to look up at him, vulnerability showing in her green eyes. "You're the only person I trust," she whispered. "And if...you change your mind in the morning...it's okay."
"Not a chance." Clark growled in response, tightening his hold possessively. "You're stuck with me, whether you like it or not." Mistaking her vulnerability for hesitation, the words were flippant, but a trace of uncertainty lingered in his tone. After so many years, it was unfair to assume that she felt about him in the same way. Was he asking for too much?
Still gazing at him, she hesitantly stood on her tiptoes and kissed him softly on the lips. "No one I'd rather be stuck with," she whispered.
Feeling her affection wash over him, he returned the kiss, cradling her head in his hands . There was so much ahead of them, so much to work through. But this was a start. And for now, it was enough.