my life is boring...story time children...gather round gather round...(another from myspace)
he took me back to his apartment with the promise of a movie and popcorn. easily bribed and flattered i sat on his couch. i dont know why he looks at me as though i am pretty but be almost makes me believe it. "halloween" was the selection for the night. how cliche and slightly blasphemous yet neither of us cared anymore. we were no longer in the spotlight. no more prying eyes to tell us we were not right to feel the way we did. and the feeling was something simple. at least in my case. pure and simple admiration and appreciation. i admired his dark skin. the way it looked so soft to the touch even though id never touched it. i adored his big brown eyes. they revealed his propriety even though id never found it out. i really just looked at him and felt a weird sense of trust. nothing to back it up yet i felt like he earned it. and i appreciated the fact that he had some sort of admiration for me. finally someone who found me to be something similar to myself. i always knew i couldnt be so terrible but no one ever really made me feel so until he came along.
i must have seen halloween half a dozen times but somehow it being friday the thirteenth and me being in an unfamiliar environment made me slightly edgy. the movie started and the air conditioner kicked on almost on cue. i usually love to be in a cold dwelling but not when im already extremely nervous.
he forgot the popcorn but i didnt make a fuss. i dont really like popcorn anyways.
i must not look as intimidating as ive been told because he made himself comfortable on the couch right beside me. literally...RIGHT...beside me. but i didnt mind. i drew my attention from the picture on the screen to the scent of his cologne. and when i realized my eyes were peering at him instead of the movie i quickly redirected my attention. the goosebumps on my arms continued multiplying.
after a few minutes of intetionally focusing on the tv screen i got fed up with the cold. i looked around his living room for a blanket but found none. he saw my eyes wandering and asked what i was looking for.
me: oh. i was just looking to see if you had a blanket
him: well no. i actually just use the ones on my bed. do you want me to get you one of those?
me: no thats okay.
then neither of us knowing what to say anymore we both pretended to look at the movie
or at least i pretended. he may have really been watching it im not sure. but the sudden scream of jamie lee curtis caught me off guard because i was doing a terrible job of pretending so i gasped/jumped. then he just laughed at me as though id done something funny. and i felt stupid for doing the typical girl thing during a scary movie. especially when id never EVER jumped during that movie before. that just goes to show how distracting boys can be.
i finally got my mind off of him and back on the movie. well...the movie and my goosebumps. my lips couldnt quit chattering. and then the unthinkable. he put his arm around me.
i couldnt believe what an idiot i felt like. my ears were firey red i was sure and it felt like id just had a menopausal hot flash. but then i felt so much more comfortable all at the same time. i felt assured that i hadnt done something horribly wrong to taint his image of me.
and i was so confused. how could he like me. i barely even liked myself. and he liked me or else why would he have his arm around me?and why does that have to mean something?its just an arm afterall. and why do i make such a big deal out of everything?
my thoughts ended and then i about died. i tried once more to watch the movie right at the moment where the only remotely nude scene in the movie was playing. boobage. and oh gosh. i was no longer suffering from hot flashes and i was sure i was convulsing. how could i have forgotten about that scene?and how was i supposed to react?if i acted like it was nothing he might think i was used to things like that. but if i turned my head or said something he might think i was immature and making a big deal out of nothing. and once again i was overreacting but everything..everything...was so new to me.
i simply covered my mouth with my fist and let out a single cough. he looked at me as if seeking approval for something. and my eyes caught his and they stuck for a moment. he just smiled and i was thrilled in that instant.
he liked me. he put his arm around me when i was cold. his eyes were hung up in mine and then he smiled at me. and somehow all of this was no longer satisfying. sure it was all new to me but i wanted it so long and now i wanted more. i wanted fireworks already. i wanted him to kiss me violently and passionately and to hold me in his arms and whisper things into my ear.
we continued to watch the movie. i just then realized that i had seen maybe a combined total of 3 minutes of that movie that night. and michael had already fallen out of the window and disappeared. what was my major PERVERTED problem?
i allowed my head to fall onto his shoulder right as the credits began to roll. hearing no objections i kept it there. it was the only warm place id found that night other than beneath his arm.
we talked about absolutely nothing for the next half hour. nothing worth making me blush anyways. and then he just spurted out
him: youre quite beautiful
and at that moment we had relocated to his room where id wrapped myself up in his comforter. i was sitting up leaning against his headboard and he was laying beside me on his back looking up at me. i could have leaned in right then and kissed him. it would have been perfect. and talk about fireworks too! but i lost my nerve and ended up giggling like a nerd instead.
he then reached up and ruffled my hair in his hand. i had no thoughts at that moment. i was petrified and aroused at the same time. i just looked into his eyes wearing a confused look on my face im sure. and i was confused, discombobulated really, to the point of no return. apparently i wore this look way too obviously for he read my face like a book. i wanted him to kiss me so bad i almost told him so. but thats a real mood killer right there, im certain. so instead i said nothing.
he quit caressing my hair almost instantly and got up to use the restroom, leaving me feeling quite crushed. why didnt he kiss me? did he find me to be pretty anymore? would he ever forgive my silence? why was i so offensive? why was he so easily discouraged? i wanted answers to questions id never voice. i wanted fireworks!
i unwrapped myself from his blanket and returned to his living room where i gathered my things. i decided itd be best for me to just go so as not to further offend him. when he found me ready to go he with no words grabbed his keys and walked out the door. i followed silently but fully aware of the tension id caused as well as ill feelings.
we got inside his truck and he turned the key on. he turned off the music he had playing and just drove off. i couldnt help myself. i began to cry, silently though. theres was nothing to sob about yet. id save the sobbing for later when he wasnt around. it was all my fault. i swiftly caught the tear that rolled down my cheek so as not to leave any evidence.
him: why are you crying?
me: what?im not.
him: i can see you crying out of the corner of my eye.
he then stopped the vehicle to look at me. when i said nothing he travelled on.
me: i wasnt trying to make you feel bad.
him: im sure youre incapable of doing something like that on purpose.
i felt a glimmer of hope at these kind words. he turned south onto highway 49.the streetlight illuminated his face and i recalled how nice it really was.and i mean that literally.
but then i realized
me: ummn. my house is the other way
he wasnt responsive
me: were going the wrong way
him: its okay
and i figured he said that because he meant that he could just turn around. but no. we got to the beach and he started heading east.
i was kind of scared really. but unreasonably so. if he wanted to do something to me he could have so many times already. and i hated myself for always being so suspicious and weary. but then he kept going east and i didnt know what to think any longer. so i just sat there silent. and he sat there, silent as well. and i wanted to turn on the radio but he deliberately turned it off. and we have dissimilar taste in music. so i continued sitting in silence just pondering for the longest time.
finally we stopped just short of ocean springs and the beau rivage etc. he stepped out of the truck and i sat wondering if i should do the same. and wondering if i should keep having this uneasy feeling or if i was being ridiculous.
when i saw him walk close to the water and sit i decided id be alright to follow. i walked to him and stood beside him, hair and skirt (a new phase) blowing in the wind. i stood there until i forgot what was going on.that didnt take long though because i was unsure a while before that moment. then i felt his hand touch the calf of my leg and i immediately sat down, almost as if that was his way of commanding me to do so.
him: i come here to think
me: its pretty here.
then there was silence. he looked at me and i must have been shivering because he wrapped his arms and legs around me and held me as if to protect me from everything...wind included. i was so sleepy. so incredibly sleepy and relaxed and i laid my head back on his shoulder.
him: what happened back there? what was wrong?
me: when?
him: at my apartment.
me (somewhat ashamed): nothing
him: right...you just up and decided to get your things and it was time to go but nothing happened. nothing was the matter.
me: i dont wanna say.
him: alright. but thats different than nothing. so dont tell me nothing when you know very well it was something. i exasperatedly sighed in a deep sigh causing my entire being to expand with oxygen. he put his hand on my stomach as i did this making me somehow feel less innocent. i quickly stood up.
him: sorry!
me: for what?
him: that...
me: ....
him: ...and that was it before wasnt it?
me: im not sure i understand.
him: im making you uncomfortable and you dont know how to handle it without getting up and leaving.
me: touche!
him: yeh. im sorry. i dont know how to handle myself either. and i just look at you and youre beautiful and i get inspired to do things. things that make you uncomfortable and me uncomfortable for mentioning them and so ill just stop now.
i just laughed. not so much like a little girl but more from better understanding and from knowing that i finally intimidated someone. and then i realized the power i had and his vulnerability. it made me feel not alone.
i sat back down and let him gather me up again. he was somehow a little closer now even though before there wasnt much space between us. and i was slightly more uncomfortable but i liked it, even his hand right atop my ribcage.
we sat there looking at the stars. or at least i did. he was fondling my hair some more, catching it in his empty hand as it blew in the wind and smelling it. and then i felt him sniff my shoulder and then my neck.
he held my hair in one hand and with his other hand pulled my shirt further away from my neck and kissed it. it was delightful but that was merely sparklers. i wanted fireworks! his lips inched forward to the nape of my neck instead of the side and that was slightly more delightful. okay...a ton more enticing. but still no fireworks.
i allowed myself to lean as far into him as possible and he kissed my chin. i was getting impatient now. he pecked me on the lips but that did not suffice. i removed my hair from his hand and turned around to face him now. i straddled him but not close enough to be touching him with anything other than my legs. the wind blew so i grabbed my own hair. before i could even pull it completely out of my face he grabbed my face/ear with one hand and pulled me into him. he kissed me like i swear no one could have kissed a girl before. it felt like the fourth of july alright. he rested his other hand on my leg and it felt like the fifth of july too.
needless to say i finally got my fireworks and im gonna end this before everyone starts telling me that this was entirely about sex etc. and they ruin the simplistic innocence of it all.
i must have seen halloween half a dozen times but somehow it being friday the thirteenth and me being in an unfamiliar environment made me slightly edgy. the movie started and the air conditioner kicked on almost on cue. i usually love to be in a cold dwelling but not when im already extremely nervous.
he forgot the popcorn but i didnt make a fuss. i dont really like popcorn anyways.
i must not look as intimidating as ive been told because he made himself comfortable on the couch right beside me. literally...RIGHT...beside me. but i didnt mind. i drew my attention from the picture on the screen to the scent of his cologne. and when i realized my eyes were peering at him instead of the movie i quickly redirected my attention. the goosebumps on my arms continued multiplying.
after a few minutes of intetionally focusing on the tv screen i got fed up with the cold. i looked around his living room for a blanket but found none. he saw my eyes wandering and asked what i was looking for.
me: oh. i was just looking to see if you had a blanket
him: well no. i actually just use the ones on my bed. do you want me to get you one of those?
me: no thats okay.
then neither of us knowing what to say anymore we both pretended to look at the movie
or at least i pretended. he may have really been watching it im not sure. but the sudden scream of jamie lee curtis caught me off guard because i was doing a terrible job of pretending so i gasped/jumped. then he just laughed at me as though id done something funny. and i felt stupid for doing the typical girl thing during a scary movie. especially when id never EVER jumped during that movie before. that just goes to show how distracting boys can be.
i finally got my mind off of him and back on the movie. well...the movie and my goosebumps. my lips couldnt quit chattering. and then the unthinkable. he put his arm around me.
i couldnt believe what an idiot i felt like. my ears were firey red i was sure and it felt like id just had a menopausal hot flash. but then i felt so much more comfortable all at the same time. i felt assured that i hadnt done something horribly wrong to taint his image of me.
and i was so confused. how could he like me. i barely even liked myself. and he liked me or else why would he have his arm around me?and why does that have to mean something?its just an arm afterall. and why do i make such a big deal out of everything?
my thoughts ended and then i about died. i tried once more to watch the movie right at the moment where the only remotely nude scene in the movie was playing. boobage. and oh gosh. i was no longer suffering from hot flashes and i was sure i was convulsing. how could i have forgotten about that scene?and how was i supposed to react?if i acted like it was nothing he might think i was used to things like that. but if i turned my head or said something he might think i was immature and making a big deal out of nothing. and once again i was overreacting but everything..everything...was so new to me.
i simply covered my mouth with my fist and let out a single cough. he looked at me as if seeking approval for something. and my eyes caught his and they stuck for a moment. he just smiled and i was thrilled in that instant.
he liked me. he put his arm around me when i was cold. his eyes were hung up in mine and then he smiled at me. and somehow all of this was no longer satisfying. sure it was all new to me but i wanted it so long and now i wanted more. i wanted fireworks already. i wanted him to kiss me violently and passionately and to hold me in his arms and whisper things into my ear.
we continued to watch the movie. i just then realized that i had seen maybe a combined total of 3 minutes of that movie that night. and michael had already fallen out of the window and disappeared. what was my major PERVERTED problem?
i allowed my head to fall onto his shoulder right as the credits began to roll. hearing no objections i kept it there. it was the only warm place id found that night other than beneath his arm.
we talked about absolutely nothing for the next half hour. nothing worth making me blush anyways. and then he just spurted out
him: youre quite beautiful
and at that moment we had relocated to his room where id wrapped myself up in his comforter. i was sitting up leaning against his headboard and he was laying beside me on his back looking up at me. i could have leaned in right then and kissed him. it would have been perfect. and talk about fireworks too! but i lost my nerve and ended up giggling like a nerd instead.
he then reached up and ruffled my hair in his hand. i had no thoughts at that moment. i was petrified and aroused at the same time. i just looked into his eyes wearing a confused look on my face im sure. and i was confused, discombobulated really, to the point of no return. apparently i wore this look way too obviously for he read my face like a book. i wanted him to kiss me so bad i almost told him so. but thats a real mood killer right there, im certain. so instead i said nothing.
he quit caressing my hair almost instantly and got up to use the restroom, leaving me feeling quite crushed. why didnt he kiss me? did he find me to be pretty anymore? would he ever forgive my silence? why was i so offensive? why was he so easily discouraged? i wanted answers to questions id never voice. i wanted fireworks!
i unwrapped myself from his blanket and returned to his living room where i gathered my things. i decided itd be best for me to just go so as not to further offend him. when he found me ready to go he with no words grabbed his keys and walked out the door. i followed silently but fully aware of the tension id caused as well as ill feelings.
we got inside his truck and he turned the key on. he turned off the music he had playing and just drove off. i couldnt help myself. i began to cry, silently though. theres was nothing to sob about yet. id save the sobbing for later when he wasnt around. it was all my fault. i swiftly caught the tear that rolled down my cheek so as not to leave any evidence.
him: why are you crying?
me: what?im not.
him: i can see you crying out of the corner of my eye.
he then stopped the vehicle to look at me. when i said nothing he travelled on.
me: i wasnt trying to make you feel bad.
him: im sure youre incapable of doing something like that on purpose.
i felt a glimmer of hope at these kind words. he turned south onto highway 49.the streetlight illuminated his face and i recalled how nice it really was.and i mean that literally.
but then i realized
me: ummn. my house is the other way
he wasnt responsive
me: were going the wrong way
him: its okay
and i figured he said that because he meant that he could just turn around. but no. we got to the beach and he started heading east.
i was kind of scared really. but unreasonably so. if he wanted to do something to me he could have so many times already. and i hated myself for always being so suspicious and weary. but then he kept going east and i didnt know what to think any longer. so i just sat there silent. and he sat there, silent as well. and i wanted to turn on the radio but he deliberately turned it off. and we have dissimilar taste in music. so i continued sitting in silence just pondering for the longest time.
finally we stopped just short of ocean springs and the beau rivage etc. he stepped out of the truck and i sat wondering if i should do the same. and wondering if i should keep having this uneasy feeling or if i was being ridiculous.
when i saw him walk close to the water and sit i decided id be alright to follow. i walked to him and stood beside him, hair and skirt (a new phase) blowing in the wind. i stood there until i forgot what was going on.that didnt take long though because i was unsure a while before that moment. then i felt his hand touch the calf of my leg and i immediately sat down, almost as if that was his way of commanding me to do so.
him: i come here to think
me: its pretty here.
then there was silence. he looked at me and i must have been shivering because he wrapped his arms and legs around me and held me as if to protect me from everything...wind included. i was so sleepy. so incredibly sleepy and relaxed and i laid my head back on his shoulder.
him: what happened back there? what was wrong?
me: when?
him: at my apartment.
me (somewhat ashamed): nothing
him: right...you just up and decided to get your things and it was time to go but nothing happened. nothing was the matter.
me: i dont wanna say.
him: alright. but thats different than nothing. so dont tell me nothing when you know very well it was something. i exasperatedly sighed in a deep sigh causing my entire being to expand with oxygen. he put his hand on my stomach as i did this making me somehow feel less innocent. i quickly stood up.
him: sorry!
me: for what?
him: that...
me: ....
him: ...and that was it before wasnt it?
me: im not sure i understand.
him: im making you uncomfortable and you dont know how to handle it without getting up and leaving.
me: touche!
him: yeh. im sorry. i dont know how to handle myself either. and i just look at you and youre beautiful and i get inspired to do things. things that make you uncomfortable and me uncomfortable for mentioning them and so ill just stop now.
i just laughed. not so much like a little girl but more from better understanding and from knowing that i finally intimidated someone. and then i realized the power i had and his vulnerability. it made me feel not alone.
i sat back down and let him gather me up again. he was somehow a little closer now even though before there wasnt much space between us. and i was slightly more uncomfortable but i liked it, even his hand right atop my ribcage.
we sat there looking at the stars. or at least i did. he was fondling my hair some more, catching it in his empty hand as it blew in the wind and smelling it. and then i felt him sniff my shoulder and then my neck.
he held my hair in one hand and with his other hand pulled my shirt further away from my neck and kissed it. it was delightful but that was merely sparklers. i wanted fireworks! his lips inched forward to the nape of my neck instead of the side and that was slightly more delightful. okay...a ton more enticing. but still no fireworks.
i allowed myself to lean as far into him as possible and he kissed my chin. i was getting impatient now. he pecked me on the lips but that did not suffice. i removed my hair from his hand and turned around to face him now. i straddled him but not close enough to be touching him with anything other than my legs. the wind blew so i grabbed my own hair. before i could even pull it completely out of my face he grabbed my face/ear with one hand and pulled me into him. he kissed me like i swear no one could have kissed a girl before. it felt like the fourth of july alright. he rested his other hand on my leg and it felt like the fifth of july too.
needless to say i finally got my fireworks and im gonna end this before everyone starts telling me that this was entirely about sex etc. and they ruin the simplistic innocence of it all.