hmmm...part one.
ok,so i feel like shit and thought maybe i should start typing up these things ive written in my books,now ive got two books and written things in the front and back of each,so each post will be one book,and either the front or back,as to where to start,now that i do not know,i think the only way i am able to do this is BECAUSE i feel like crap,other than that,i'd have no chance,i think i might start from the beginning...oh and big gaps mean seperate inputs,some might have dates,some might not,small one line gaps are like paragraphs...also im typing all this out,not proof reading it,so sorry for any mistakes and i hope you can read it all easily
book one,the front;
Love Sucks Ass,It is shit and hurts and makes your life hell,kill me now while you still can,or leave me to ache,to feel this pain,this burn,this hell
This is a waste of money and only bought beacuse i was cold and wanted to warm up so i went into tesco, where i got sacked from,and i bought this then thought,fuck this was a waste,i dont know what the fuck to put in it. 15 min to go till Jen finishes work and then we can fucking go,ill be moving ill get warm,(hopefully) thank fuck. i shouldnt have chosen to put shorns on,fucking idiot,i shouldve kept my jeans on,fuck its cold,and i think i am getting one - gay.
Well now,its morning and im gonna get my breakfast and stuff soon,then ill be off to work,i am a bit upset however that the reason i came to jens,we didnt even discuss at all,im still cold but i am warmer,but now im just tired like fuck,i dont know if this is gonna be shitty diary thing,all i do know is my writing is a mess in this and so fuck it-IM OFF
HERE TODAY FORGOTTEN TOMORROW
song #1???
You <-> can hold me?
can you comfort me,
this numbness needs feeling
can you help me
my dream must become real
a love needs to be loved
and you're the one for me
how many times the pain
how many times the hurt
what has to be done for relief
i need you <-> i need help
i need back up,i need a miracle
this story cant go on itself
it needs a hero,a girl
and a happy ending,
if all three had to come at once
would you be the one
another day gone
another million brain cells dead
another day wasted
and still my life fucked
another day and another way
your still here,there and everywhere
in my heart and my memories
why did that day happen
why did you go
a suffereing dream with no remorse
the pleasent past for a troubled future
im now alone and misery has taken over me
you my love have gone,and so has my happyness
death is upon me,the time is soon
death is upone me,soon we'll be together again
clear skies and clear eyes
can see all...fuck forgot it
What days come tomorrow,cant come to soon,another day quicker to a lonely death,ive already died on the outside and nearing deaeth mentally,each hurt from another person,causes another scar...closing to a mental death...when will my jeart die to stop my life,its been stabbed,shot,torn and has bled since created,the blood rushes more quickly to the fists,my fists clench tighter,just as my heart,as if i have my heart in my hands,and i control it,but its not in my hands,its on my arm and getting smaller and smaller,when its gone will i be gone,my real heart, inside me,my life (15/7/06)
another random thing can lead to another stupid problem,to what can happen excactly,who knows,suicide,murder,lose your job,fire someone,lose a friend,just thanks to saying the wrong words or doing the wrong thing at any time,its these that can disrupt peoples lives,the importance of life not being screwed up is huge,and absoloutly vital,things go wrong,and its another downer,a negative,more weight on the shoulders,what is life all about excactly,i mean you can be the most successful person ever and die,what happens to it all then,its gets passes down to someone who can do it?...maybe,but along the way its gonna screw up and go "terribly wrong," life is here,and you can do whatever the hell,either way your still gonna die.life is a waste,its a waste of time,space and everything else in between,its weird that some of us,still try to excel far in life,and all of us want to go far in life,and for what..death
and so another problem has arisen,the problem of me,the lazy one,the smelly one,the one who cant get up early,the one who seems to always gets blamed,the one who can never do anythin worthwhile,the one who is useless,the one with no friends,the one who knows all this and doesnt bother to change it,the one who deserves to die...maybe
so many worlds are wanted,a happy world,quiet world,sad world,a world without distraught people,upset people,scared,fearful,stressed,depressed people,can people live in a world like this,a world without fear and sadness and depressions and stress and guilt and poor people,people need to be happy,how can they be happy when they have so many negatives in there life,people need to change,the world needs to change,and with change comes something not many people feel,and thats true happyness,a very very rare thing and what to we feel once we have this,anything else that is just as high as pure,true happyness
From Ryan
To jess
Subject :angry couple,lol
Dont you think they're putting a show on,you can kinda tell in there voices they are holding back what they really feel.people should say about hoe they feel...dont you thing?...they are so dead
i cant see further than what i want to see,this pain this suffering,this heaven scares me,glimpses of hell have been seen,im worrying at what is to come,ive done something i regret,putting the link with heaven on hold,i dont want to upset heaeven,then i might not get in,she wants me to be happy but not heaven,to do so i need to ceome angry,i need to see hell,i need to be pissed off and angry at her,so i forget her,i cant go from love to like,i can only from from love to hate,i love her,dont want her to feel bad,i want her to be happy,no matter what,i love her to much and dont want to hurt you.
i love you phoebe,sorry for doing so
wonders will never seize to amaze me,what goes on is crazy,funny that,because what goes on is actually life,so therefore life must be crazy,should it not,so what is sanity,if crazy is insane,life be therefore insane,so what is then sane,is a god of unknowing force sane,because to me that is insane,absoloutly crazy,and then when questioning sanity/insanity,then surely that is a good time to question normality,what is normal,what is not normal,a life of unrest in marjorly weird situations which are definately not normal,and someone who is completely "fucked" in the head,then surely things are not good for this person and needs to get life sorted out.how come someone like a shrink help,the problem is not got rid of,it is simple avoided by gettin the brain to be used more to think about things that werent thought about before,a bit of a new information,basic brainwashing techniques.life is fucked,life is a problem you cant avoide it,just open peoples eyes to things they havent seen before,new ideas,new adventures,nerw thoughts,whats the point in life if you cant experience it as a whole. (14/12/06)
I still no idea what to write,its as if i have things flying around my head,but writing them down has become so hard as of late,maybe i have so much to say,that i just dont know where to start,normally i dont have this problem,its like writers block or something. its not i wont write something,its,i cant write something. (26/7/07)
book one,the front;
Love Sucks Ass,It is shit and hurts and makes your life hell,kill me now while you still can,or leave me to ache,to feel this pain,this burn,this hell
This is a waste of money and only bought beacuse i was cold and wanted to warm up so i went into tesco, where i got sacked from,and i bought this then thought,fuck this was a waste,i dont know what the fuck to put in it. 15 min to go till Jen finishes work and then we can fucking go,ill be moving ill get warm,(hopefully) thank fuck. i shouldnt have chosen to put shorns on,fucking idiot,i shouldve kept my jeans on,fuck its cold,and i think i am getting one - gay.
Well now,its morning and im gonna get my breakfast and stuff soon,then ill be off to work,i am a bit upset however that the reason i came to jens,we didnt even discuss at all,im still cold but i am warmer,but now im just tired like fuck,i dont know if this is gonna be shitty diary thing,all i do know is my writing is a mess in this and so fuck it-IM OFF
HERE TODAY FORGOTTEN TOMORROW
song #1???
You <-> can hold me?
can you comfort me,
this numbness needs feeling
can you help me
my dream must become real
a love needs to be loved
and you're the one for me
how many times the pain
how many times the hurt
what has to be done for relief
i need you <-> i need help
i need back up,i need a miracle
this story cant go on itself
it needs a hero,a girl
and a happy ending,
if all three had to come at once
would you be the one
another day gone
another million brain cells dead
another day wasted
and still my life fucked
another day and another way
your still here,there and everywhere
in my heart and my memories
why did that day happen
why did you go
a suffereing dream with no remorse
the pleasent past for a troubled future
im now alone and misery has taken over me
you my love have gone,and so has my happyness
death is upon me,the time is soon
death is upone me,soon we'll be together again
clear skies and clear eyes
can see all...fuck forgot it
What days come tomorrow,cant come to soon,another day quicker to a lonely death,ive already died on the outside and nearing deaeth mentally,each hurt from another person,causes another scar...closing to a mental death...when will my jeart die to stop my life,its been stabbed,shot,torn and has bled since created,the blood rushes more quickly to the fists,my fists clench tighter,just as my heart,as if i have my heart in my hands,and i control it,but its not in my hands,its on my arm and getting smaller and smaller,when its gone will i be gone,my real heart, inside me,my life (15/7/06)
another random thing can lead to another stupid problem,to what can happen excactly,who knows,suicide,murder,lose your job,fire someone,lose a friend,just thanks to saying the wrong words or doing the wrong thing at any time,its these that can disrupt peoples lives,the importance of life not being screwed up is huge,and absoloutly vital,things go wrong,and its another downer,a negative,more weight on the shoulders,what is life all about excactly,i mean you can be the most successful person ever and die,what happens to it all then,its gets passes down to someone who can do it?...maybe,but along the way its gonna screw up and go "terribly wrong," life is here,and you can do whatever the hell,either way your still gonna die.life is a waste,its a waste of time,space and everything else in between,its weird that some of us,still try to excel far in life,and all of us want to go far in life,and for what..death
and so another problem has arisen,the problem of me,the lazy one,the smelly one,the one who cant get up early,the one who seems to always gets blamed,the one who can never do anythin worthwhile,the one who is useless,the one with no friends,the one who knows all this and doesnt bother to change it,the one who deserves to die...maybe
so many worlds are wanted,a happy world,quiet world,sad world,a world without distraught people,upset people,scared,fearful,stressed,depressed people,can people live in a world like this,a world without fear and sadness and depressions and stress and guilt and poor people,people need to be happy,how can they be happy when they have so many negatives in there life,people need to change,the world needs to change,and with change comes something not many people feel,and thats true happyness,a very very rare thing and what to we feel once we have this,anything else that is just as high as pure,true happyness
From Ryan
To jess
Subject :angry couple,lol
Dont you think they're putting a show on,you can kinda tell in there voices they are holding back what they really feel.people should say about hoe they feel...dont you thing?...they are so dead
i cant see further than what i want to see,this pain this suffering,this heaven scares me,glimpses of hell have been seen,im worrying at what is to come,ive done something i regret,putting the link with heaven on hold,i dont want to upset heaeven,then i might not get in,she wants me to be happy but not heaven,to do so i need to ceome angry,i need to see hell,i need to be pissed off and angry at her,so i forget her,i cant go from love to like,i can only from from love to hate,i love her,dont want her to feel bad,i want her to be happy,no matter what,i love her to much and dont want to hurt you.
i love you phoebe,sorry for doing so
wonders will never seize to amaze me,what goes on is crazy,funny that,because what goes on is actually life,so therefore life must be crazy,should it not,so what is sanity,if crazy is insane,life be therefore insane,so what is then sane,is a god of unknowing force sane,because to me that is insane,absoloutly crazy,and then when questioning sanity/insanity,then surely that is a good time to question normality,what is normal,what is not normal,a life of unrest in marjorly weird situations which are definately not normal,and someone who is completely "fucked" in the head,then surely things are not good for this person and needs to get life sorted out.how come someone like a shrink help,the problem is not got rid of,it is simple avoided by gettin the brain to be used more to think about things that werent thought about before,a bit of a new information,basic brainwashing techniques.life is fucked,life is a problem you cant avoide it,just open peoples eyes to things they havent seen before,new ideas,new adventures,nerw thoughts,whats the point in life if you cant experience it as a whole. (14/12/06)
I still no idea what to write,its as if i have things flying around my head,but writing them down has become so hard as of late,maybe i have so much to say,that i just dont know where to start,normally i dont have this problem,its like writers block or something. its not i wont write something,its,i cant write something. (26/7/07)