boredom, face wash, and, woah me wanting to die?!
its 12:30, i had caffine, and theres No one to talk to! well there is but i cant reach the phone at the moment without my parents bieng like "AaAaAH! JeNnY! wUT r u DOIN!?" lol. hmm im gonna go reach the phone, i hate loneliness!! especially if making it go away is within my grasp.
psh, wut a crack whore, LOL! no not really, larissa is always awake til like friggin 3 or 4 in the morning, but she wont answer her cell. im hoping shes not temporarily dumb and decides to call me back. shes like my best friend, has been since i was a wee toddler in 7th grade. we hang out once in a blue moon, but lately weve been hanging out a lot.
No wonder i woke up! i fell asleep around 7. woah.
maybe 6.
so this face wash i use is meant to b used once at night and once in the morning, and usually i just use it in the morning, but i used it right now cuz im kinna bored lol and my face is all soft and glowy, like it is every morning.
i just noticed that avrils last cd is aLL sad songs.:( i wanna happy song! but i cant download ne thing if i dont have a downloading program, so im stuck with cheesy bad default windows media player songs, and avrils sight. God only knows ive listened to my KoRn cd too many friggin times.
o well, ill listen to it again
Death?
so i havent wanted to die in...psh...like a year, but sunday night, woah im tellin u... i was practically begging for it, not out loud tho. i felt like...i wasnt destined to b happy...i was sittin there, thinkin of all my ex's, all the crap..and i had a blade nearby, and pills nearby also, like just household pills and especially midol, cuz it says if u take more than 3 to contact 911 immidiatly. i had about 20 sittin near me. but i duno, i just sat there, on the bathroom floor, silent, thinking, bawling.
i made a promise ((after one of the times i tried killing myself)) to Karl that i wouldnt try to ever kill myself again, and karl and i dont even talk ne more, i dont even think were friends ne more, just "aquantences" but for some reason, it stopped me. i mean i promised lots of ppl, but just promising Karl is wut stopped me, and the fact that just hours ago that night i promised chris i wouldnt cut myself again for a long time.
i knew i sinned and broke too many promises to break ne more, and my heart just sank in shreds, knewing i just wasnt gonna do it. i had tried so many times in the past, coming so dreadfully close, then they wanted to send me to all these (woah, gonna attempt to spell a word but im gonna totally crash this!) Fasilities and hospitals. but im gettin all better now, and i wont feel like that again for a looong time
wellllllllllllllllllll it is now 1:36 and after an hour of browsing through myspace n stuff i think im gonna head out. go to sleep? no, i wish. still not sleepy:-/ the one time i finally find a caffinated drink that works, i drink it in the worst possible time. looks like im gonna need it tomorrow for class ey!?
stay frosty
!
and eat yur vegees
~Jen