She's The Only One Who Knows What It Is To Burn
This morning I woke up in such high spirits that I felt like kissing everyone. I woke up realizing how much in love I was in.
And now I'm struggling to hold back tears. I'm fighting to keep them inside. It's not that I have any feelings for Matt, it's just that all those times he always told me he's never loved anyone in the way he's loved me. He always told me I was so beautiful. And now I know he's saying that to her. She's a great person. Her and I have been talking and I recently found out that she's been talking to Matthew as well... She just found out that him and I broke up like a month ago. She's an amazing person and reminds me of myself in a lot of ways. And it hurts to know that I can be so easily replaced...
Reality stings like a bitch.
I'll never be anyone's special someone. There will always be someone better. Everyone always finds someone better and then forgets about me. Forgets about all the good memories and forgets the way I kiss with my heart, rather than my body. And they forget all the times that I left them sweet notes and comments and told them how much I loved them. And they forget all the times they never replied back. They forget all the times that they ignored my efforts to show them how much they mean.
It hurts... It really does. No one likes me as it is. No one ever wants to talk to me or get to know me. They look past me. All my friends do it. I stand in a group and feel alone. It's the worst feeling in the world. The worst feeling in the world when no one ever asks u to dance, no one asks you to come over to their party, no one gives you a rose on Valentine's Day. It's the worst feeling when you write a three page letter to your own mother telling her that no matter how many times she called you ugly and no matter how many times she told you to die, you would still always love her. And then hand it to her, and watch her rip it in front of your face. And laugh as you stood there in shock with tears running down your face... The worst feeling to look at your boyfriend and know for a fact he'll find someone better when you leave. It hurts.
It hurts to know that everyone you love will never love you the same way. If they even love you at all.
It's wierd how one event can cause that one tear... Which in turn brings on other memories and pains, causing an overflow of pain running down ur cheeks. And the taste of the salt on ur lips is your calm...
I wish Anthony were home. I want him to realize just how much he means to me... I want everyone to know that I never forget those moments, both good and bad... All of my friends, all of my past loves, and my family. I never forget. You're never replaced. No one is ever "better", they just suffice to my new needs at the moment.
Kyle James, I will always love you and forever you shall be my best friend. There are times I just want to run to you and hold you tight because I know I'll always feel better once I let go from that hug. You let me know I'm someone special and you open my eyes in the mirror. Thank you. You shall never be forgotten.
Anthony, if you and I don't work out, please know that every word I said to you was true. And remember all the firsts you were to me... Remember the times I cried on your shoulder just because I was so happy that it was your shoulder I was crying on. I shall never forget all the fun games we played together with our kisses. And I'll always remember how your hands were the softest I've ever felt on my skin. I too, will always love you.
To all the people I send my love, please know that I don't take the word lightly. If I told you I loved you, I still do.
Dave and I loved each other. Then he turned around and hated me... Now I hate him, but to say I no longer love him would be a lie.
I still love Mario, and Zack. I still love Matt. I still love old friends. I still love my family, as cruel as they are. No beating or assault, no ripped letters and burned pictures could ever take back my words. I'll always love everyone. I just don't understand why no one else can, too.
Why can't someone be there for me to hold me? I've been crying for at least forty-five minutes straight. This sucks.