Dear Life
I could really use a life.
I am broke all the time, working all the time, and pretty much bored. I hate that there isn't more that I can do right now. In fact, I am going to Dragon*con this weekend. I can't wait. A much needed vacation. Plus a chance to see old friends. I haven't really seen anyone since I've lost 100 lbs. I don't know why... but I've become such a hermit. Like I'm embarassed. I feel like people I meet won't understand all of me because they'll only know the new Jaynie. Which I feel is a better version of the old one... but then I'm afraid the old friends will judge me because of my new look/happiness.
I feel stretched and lost and its not fun. Yet positive and full of ambition at the same time.
I absolutley love my new job, and all the new friends that I've made there. Its different being an adult and having a job I enjoy and people I can relate to. Granted on the inside, though adults, they are just as childish and nerdy as I can be. I recently got the opportunity to start training as a back up manager at my cart. Thats pretty exciting. It only means more hours (which I need/$$$) and something more I can add to my resume in the future.
But damn.... girl needs a break... and to go shopping. Its rather aggrivating having no clothes that fit/look nice, and not being able to portray myself the way that I feel on the inside.... which is really nothing short of beautiful.
Am I wrong for letting that eat at me? :/ maybe... but it does.
Maybe I'm just PMSing a little.... I mean... my insurance ran out just as my last period ended a week ago, so I couldn't renew my pill to keep my hormones balanced... and here I sit with period round two times 10. >_< Frustrating. And you know what no BC means... no bedroom fun.... sexual tension can run strong in Cancers..... TMI.... I know... but who reads this anyways.. I'm just venting.
However, I remain extremely grateful for many things. I'm grateful for my health, and my love... I am super grateful for Isiah. <3 He makes a dull, gray world seem bright and full of potential. I couldn't be more grateful for that alone. I'm grateful for all of my followers of my blog. I haven't had the time to update it in the last couple weeks. Time has flown being so busy. >_< I'm grateful for a new opportunity to build a relationship with my dad. We've started a marathon training together. If someone told me 2 years ago that my dad and I would be running a marathon together, let alone the practice miles we've been doing, I would have laughed til something came shooting out of my nose.
I'm so proud of the people that are close to me. They've done nothing short of inspire me further and made me proud of myself that I can be an inspiration to them due to my open spirituality and positive energy. :D
But at the end of the day, when I'm alone..... o_x I feel like something else is missing. I pray the Universe bring me more patience. I've been waiting for as long as I can. Why do I feel like I'm running out of time?
I am broke all the time, working all the time, and pretty much bored. I hate that there isn't more that I can do right now. In fact, I am going to Dragon*con this weekend. I can't wait. A much needed vacation. Plus a chance to see old friends. I haven't really seen anyone since I've lost 100 lbs. I don't know why... but I've become such a hermit. Like I'm embarassed. I feel like people I meet won't understand all of me because they'll only know the new Jaynie. Which I feel is a better version of the old one... but then I'm afraid the old friends will judge me because of my new look/happiness.
I feel stretched and lost and its not fun. Yet positive and full of ambition at the same time.
I absolutley love my new job, and all the new friends that I've made there. Its different being an adult and having a job I enjoy and people I can relate to. Granted on the inside, though adults, they are just as childish and nerdy as I can be. I recently got the opportunity to start training as a back up manager at my cart. Thats pretty exciting. It only means more hours (which I need/$$$) and something more I can add to my resume in the future.
But damn.... girl needs a break... and to go shopping. Its rather aggrivating having no clothes that fit/look nice, and not being able to portray myself the way that I feel on the inside.... which is really nothing short of beautiful.
Am I wrong for letting that eat at me? :/ maybe... but it does.
Maybe I'm just PMSing a little.... I mean... my insurance ran out just as my last period ended a week ago, so I couldn't renew my pill to keep my hormones balanced... and here I sit with period round two times 10. >_< Frustrating. And you know what no BC means... no bedroom fun.... sexual tension can run strong in Cancers..... TMI.... I know... but who reads this anyways.. I'm just venting.
However, I remain extremely grateful for many things. I'm grateful for my health, and my love... I am super grateful for Isiah. <3 He makes a dull, gray world seem bright and full of potential. I couldn't be more grateful for that alone. I'm grateful for all of my followers of my blog. I haven't had the time to update it in the last couple weeks. Time has flown being so busy. >_< I'm grateful for a new opportunity to build a relationship with my dad. We've started a marathon training together. If someone told me 2 years ago that my dad and I would be running a marathon together, let alone the practice miles we've been doing, I would have laughed til something came shooting out of my nose.
I'm so proud of the people that are close to me. They've done nothing short of inspire me further and made me proud of myself that I can be an inspiration to them due to my open spirituality and positive energy. :D
But at the end of the day, when I'm alone..... o_x I feel like something else is missing. I pray the Universe bring me more patience. I've been waiting for as long as I can. Why do I feel like I'm running out of time?