So yeah...
if i wouldn't have found the picture of the duck your sister drew for me the day we got back together...i totally would have been okay right now. But that's not how life works is it? Sometimes we tell ourselves..."it's gonna be okay" and "i'll make it through." But sometimes, you just find that the drawing is the last straw to wanting to be happy without you. How can I?! Why would i want to be? You wont bless me with anything else...something new, SOMEONE new. "These are cold black days and i'm fading away." I want to breathe one last time. I want to feel true happiness. but i cant. you are what i live for, Lord. But it's hard to survive on you alone. These days atleast. I never thought i'd be one to have some sort of failing faith...but Lord, i feel it's coming...im too lost these days...i'll drink one more time...and i'll smoke one more time...to see if there's something more to feel. Or yet...to numb. To take away. To lose. To destroy? What have i become? Sometimes you just have to hate being this age. She says she'll never be with me. She doesn't want to be with me. That's fine...i'll just...forget about her like nothing...but then you find...that yellow duck on a blue pond...sweetly drawn by your younger sister. I miss you is all i can really say. I wish things were different.