Bomb
Title: Bomb
Pairing: Hankyung/Jaejoong
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own 'em
Summary: How Jaejoong learned that terrorizing people with snowballs-turned-bombs is not the way to go.
One would think that unless suffering from insomnia, one would be unconscious at so early in the morning.
Unfortunately, Hankyung had to admit that sleeping while an extremely attractive man was running his hands up and down his back was not the easiest thing to do.
"Kim Jaejoong, if you're trying to molest me in my sleep again, I swear I'm telling Heechul."
"You tell Heechul-hyung and you get bitchslapped by a jealous bandmate," Jaejoong said smugly. "Or two, 'cause Heechul-hyung's got a big mouth and Yunho's too possessive for his own good."
Hankyung opened his mouth, then closed it, having no retort to the undeniably true remark. "Fine. What do you want?"
Jaejoong reached into a small bag strapped to his waist. Hankyung caught a glimpse of what looked like white Styrofoam as Jaejoong pulled his hand out.
"Do you trust me?"
Hankyung shivered at the very thought. "No. No."
"Sure you do. It's me. I'm a good boy."
Hankyung snorted. "I'll bet you are."
Jaejoong puffed out his cheeks indignantly. "You're not in a very friendly mood, are you?"
"I tend to be irritated at three in the morning," Hankyung said dryly. "Now excuse me, but I'm going to go catch another forty or so winks. Wake me at noon."
And then a pure-white snowball dropped discreetly in the middle of the bed, exploding violently three seconds later.
"ASLFIHALSFKHALSFHALKSF" Hankyung let out a wordless shriek (he was rather amused - in a horrified sort of way - to find that his voice can actually go higher than Changmin's falsetto) and a string of curses, neither noticing nor caring that he had switched to his native tongue. Gradually his howling subsided into whimpers, and he fell silent once he realized none of his limbs were torn, sheared, or ripped off.
"Is this new, or have you always been the nervous type?"
"Anyone would be surprised to have a bomb blow up in their face," Hankyung snapped.
"Fine, fine," Jaejoong laughed. "Admit it though, that was epic." He quickly wilted under Hankyung's accusing stare. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, crawling into the the Chinese man's lap and giving him a tight hug. Hankyung held himself stiffly for a moment, then relented and relaxed into the warm embrace.
A minute passed; two, three, and Jaejoong still gave no sign of letting go. Finally Hankyung pulled away when he felt a hand crawling sneakily up his shirt and another sliding down his pants.
"I'll pretend that didn't happen," he reprimended sternly. "You're like my little brother, and while I don't mind a little fanservice now and then, incest is going too far." Jaejoong pouted, then brightened, taking out a second fake snowball.
"Remember this?" He sighed in exasperation at Hankyung's blank look. "Three years ago, SMTown, burning Christmas ornaments, ring a bell?"
"Oh!" Hankyung snapped his fingers as comprehension dawned on him. "That one event where you were sulking all day because Yunho was flirting with Heechul because he caught you groping me?"
"Trust hyung to nitpick at the tiny inconsequential details," Jaejoong grumbled. "Anyway, I got a lighter."
"Smoking's bad for you." Hankyung clucked his tongue disapprovingly.
"I'm not smo- oh, never mind. Let's just ignore the fact that you think I'm addicted to nicotine and instead focus on the more important reason why I happened to have a cigerette lighter in my pocket."
"You like setting puppies on fire," Hankyung suggested.
Jaejoong glared at him. "I'm starting to think Heechul-hyung's becoming a bad influence on you," he said icily. "And no, I don't incinerate innocent animals. The lighter's here to make the snowballs into bombs." He dumped the rest of the Styrofoam spheres on the bed. "By the time I turn all of these into explosives, I'll have enough to wipe out all of Seoul," he cackled gleefully.
"What, ah, do you intend to do with your...weapons of mass destruction?" Hankyung asked gingerly - Jaejoong playing with fire was as hazardous as Heechul wielding a hairdryer.
"Do?" Jaejoong repeated, letting the word roll on his tongue. "Why, I intend to destroy SM Entertainment; it'll save me the trouble of going through tedious lawsuits and blah."
Hankyung stared at him, then shook his head in resignition. "I know I should probably stop you," he remarked, "but frankly, I really don't care what happens between you and Lee Soo Man. So, have fun in jail!"
*
Once the irritation wore off, the guilt settled in; Hankyung was feeling more and more miserable, berating himself for letting Jaejoong go nuke SM alone without any backup. Images of Jaejoong in the police station, the ER, the cemetary, flashed though his mind until Hankyung could stand it no longer. He hurridly dressed and leapt out the door, in his haste nearly bowling over a sleepwalking Yesung.
For once, luck was with him - Jaejoong was just loading a carton of snowballs into his car when Hankyung caught up to him.
"Hyung!" Jaejoong cheered. "I knew you would come."
"Why am I not surprised that you're not surprised to see me show up?" asked Hankyung. Jaejoong shrugged and got into the driver's seat.
"Psychic, I suppose. Get in."
Hankyung rolled his eyes, but complied. He sat in silence a while, until he noticed a storm of white flecks settling on his pants. "What are you doing?"
It turned out that Jaejoong was carving something on a snowball - it seemed as though he had an endless supply of those stupid things, Hankyung growled inwardly. Dark thoughts raced through his mind - why did I agree to this - I can't believe I chased after someone at three a.m.- oh my god "are you seriously lighting that in here?"
Jaejoong grinned tightly, a feral, maniacal smile that made Hankyung's skin crawl. "Of course," he said pleasantly. "I need to test it out to make sure nothing goes wrong later on." He lit the lighter and held it to the indented side of the sphere.
Hankyung jumped out the window.
*
"That," Jaejoong moaned, "was a bad idea." He tightened his legs around Hankyung's waist. "Still, I guess I should be grateful hyung's nice enough to give his dongsaeng a piggyback ride." He winced when his burns chafed against the rough fabric of his jeans. "Ow, slow down, ow."
Hankyung grunted sullenly as he limped down the hallway, ignoring the stares he was receiving from the staff who would sometimes give the occasional chuckle until Jaejoong shot his infamous "Glare of Shut-Up-Or-Die ©" complete with an icy fifty degree drop in temperature. In which cases, said people foolish enough to laugh would suddenly be overcome by a sudden fit of coughing, then absolute silence.
"I love how they just fall silent like that," Jaejoong snickered, pleased. "Yunho's so jealous he can't do that."
"Yunho gives off the impression of a giant huggable teddy bear while you have the whole cold, unapproachable aura that could freeze the butts off polar bears," Hankyung said matter-of-factly. "You really don't give off the best first impression."
"Gee, thanks," Jaejoong replied sarcastically, yelping when Hankyung made a sharp turn to avoid an incoming person, smacking his head against the wall. "Watch it!"
"Have you opened your heart to Heechulism?" the person was saying to his companion. "Convert now; there's the unlimited worshipping of me, and WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" Heechul demanded. His eyes flickered back and forth between Jaejoong and Hankyung, an increasingly angry expression spreading across his face. His companion (Eunhyuk) looked extremely gratified for the interruption and took the chance to slip away, every so often letting out a series of involuntary muscle spasms and twitches.
Hankyung carefully propped Jaejoong against the wall and turned to a furious Heechul. "Jaejoong got hurt, so I was helping him back to his room," he said simply. Jaejoong, now with the bored, indifferent expression usually shown to the media, nodded in agreement. He even rolled back his pants' legs to reveal horrendous third-degree burns.
Heechul cast one last suspicious glare at the duo and stalked away, muttering incomprehensibly under his breath. Hankyung huffed, glad there was no bloodshed, and started up the stairs.
"Hey, where are you going?" Jaejoong called after him, still sitting where Hankyung had placed him.
"I'm going to get some sleep, since someone woke me up too early," Hankyung said pointedly.
"...You can't, though." Jaejoong cocked his head and struggled to his feet. "It's already time to go to rehearsal." He laughed weakly. "Can you believe we spent four hours on a project that didn't even work?"
Hankyung stared at him. "You lie," he said flatly. "No way it's already seven."
As if on cue, Leeteuk's voice drifted from upstairs: "C'mon, wake up! Rise and shine or I'll spit water on you!"
Hankyung broke down and cried.
*
A/N: My apologies if I skewered Jaejoong's character. Never written JJ before - and so, he turned out to be a bipolar, compulsive, more than slightly insane pyromaniacal perv. Yeah.
*
Pairing: Hankyung/Jaejoong
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own 'em
Summary: How Jaejoong learned that terrorizing people with snowballs-turned-bombs is not the way to go.
One would think that unless suffering from insomnia, one would be unconscious at so early in the morning.
Unfortunately, Hankyung had to admit that sleeping while an extremely attractive man was running his hands up and down his back was not the easiest thing to do.
"Kim Jaejoong, if you're trying to molest me in my sleep again, I swear I'm telling Heechul."
"You tell Heechul-hyung and you get bitchslapped by a jealous bandmate," Jaejoong said smugly. "Or two, 'cause Heechul-hyung's got a big mouth and Yunho's too possessive for his own good."
Hankyung opened his mouth, then closed it, having no retort to the undeniably true remark. "Fine. What do you want?"
Jaejoong reached into a small bag strapped to his waist. Hankyung caught a glimpse of what looked like white Styrofoam as Jaejoong pulled his hand out.
"Do you trust me?"
Hankyung shivered at the very thought. "No. No."
"Sure you do. It's me. I'm a good boy."
Hankyung snorted. "I'll bet you are."
Jaejoong puffed out his cheeks indignantly. "You're not in a very friendly mood, are you?"
"I tend to be irritated at three in the morning," Hankyung said dryly. "Now excuse me, but I'm going to go catch another forty or so winks. Wake me at noon."
And then a pure-white snowball dropped discreetly in the middle of the bed, exploding violently three seconds later.
"ASLFIHALSFKHALSFHALKSF" Hankyung let out a wordless shriek (he was rather amused - in a horrified sort of way - to find that his voice can actually go higher than Changmin's falsetto) and a string of curses, neither noticing nor caring that he had switched to his native tongue. Gradually his howling subsided into whimpers, and he fell silent once he realized none of his limbs were torn, sheared, or ripped off.
"Is this new, or have you always been the nervous type?"
"Anyone would be surprised to have a bomb blow up in their face," Hankyung snapped.
"Fine, fine," Jaejoong laughed. "Admit it though, that was epic." He quickly wilted under Hankyung's accusing stare. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, crawling into the the Chinese man's lap and giving him a tight hug. Hankyung held himself stiffly for a moment, then relented and relaxed into the warm embrace.
A minute passed; two, three, and Jaejoong still gave no sign of letting go. Finally Hankyung pulled away when he felt a hand crawling sneakily up his shirt and another sliding down his pants.
"I'll pretend that didn't happen," he reprimended sternly. "You're like my little brother, and while I don't mind a little fanservice now and then, incest is going too far." Jaejoong pouted, then brightened, taking out a second fake snowball.
"Remember this?" He sighed in exasperation at Hankyung's blank look. "Three years ago, SMTown, burning Christmas ornaments, ring a bell?"
"Oh!" Hankyung snapped his fingers as comprehension dawned on him. "That one event where you were sulking all day because Yunho was flirting with Heechul because he caught you groping me?"
"Trust hyung to nitpick at the tiny inconsequential details," Jaejoong grumbled. "Anyway, I got a lighter."
"Smoking's bad for you." Hankyung clucked his tongue disapprovingly.
"I'm not smo- oh, never mind. Let's just ignore the fact that you think I'm addicted to nicotine and instead focus on the more important reason why I happened to have a cigerette lighter in my pocket."
"You like setting puppies on fire," Hankyung suggested.
Jaejoong glared at him. "I'm starting to think Heechul-hyung's becoming a bad influence on you," he said icily. "And no, I don't incinerate innocent animals. The lighter's here to make the snowballs into bombs." He dumped the rest of the Styrofoam spheres on the bed. "By the time I turn all of these into explosives, I'll have enough to wipe out all of Seoul," he cackled gleefully.
"What, ah, do you intend to do with your...weapons of mass destruction?" Hankyung asked gingerly - Jaejoong playing with fire was as hazardous as Heechul wielding a hairdryer.
"Do?" Jaejoong repeated, letting the word roll on his tongue. "Why, I intend to destroy SM Entertainment; it'll save me the trouble of going through tedious lawsuits and blah."
Hankyung stared at him, then shook his head in resignition. "I know I should probably stop you," he remarked, "but frankly, I really don't care what happens between you and Lee Soo Man. So, have fun in jail!"
*
Once the irritation wore off, the guilt settled in; Hankyung was feeling more and more miserable, berating himself for letting Jaejoong go nuke SM alone without any backup. Images of Jaejoong in the police station, the ER, the cemetary, flashed though his mind until Hankyung could stand it no longer. He hurridly dressed and leapt out the door, in his haste nearly bowling over a sleepwalking Yesung.
For once, luck was with him - Jaejoong was just loading a carton of snowballs into his car when Hankyung caught up to him.
"Hyung!" Jaejoong cheered. "I knew you would come."
"Why am I not surprised that you're not surprised to see me show up?" asked Hankyung. Jaejoong shrugged and got into the driver's seat.
"Psychic, I suppose. Get in."
Hankyung rolled his eyes, but complied. He sat in silence a while, until he noticed a storm of white flecks settling on his pants. "What are you doing?"
It turned out that Jaejoong was carving something on a snowball - it seemed as though he had an endless supply of those stupid things, Hankyung growled inwardly. Dark thoughts raced through his mind - why did I agree to this - I can't believe I chased after someone at three a.m.- oh my god "are you seriously lighting that in here?"
Jaejoong grinned tightly, a feral, maniacal smile that made Hankyung's skin crawl. "Of course," he said pleasantly. "I need to test it out to make sure nothing goes wrong later on." He lit the lighter and held it to the indented side of the sphere.
Hankyung jumped out the window.
*
"That," Jaejoong moaned, "was a bad idea." He tightened his legs around Hankyung's waist. "Still, I guess I should be grateful hyung's nice enough to give his dongsaeng a piggyback ride." He winced when his burns chafed against the rough fabric of his jeans. "Ow, slow down, ow."
Hankyung grunted sullenly as he limped down the hallway, ignoring the stares he was receiving from the staff who would sometimes give the occasional chuckle until Jaejoong shot his infamous "Glare of Shut-Up-Or-Die ©" complete with an icy fifty degree drop in temperature. In which cases, said people foolish enough to laugh would suddenly be overcome by a sudden fit of coughing, then absolute silence.
"I love how they just fall silent like that," Jaejoong snickered, pleased. "Yunho's so jealous he can't do that."
"Yunho gives off the impression of a giant huggable teddy bear while you have the whole cold, unapproachable aura that could freeze the butts off polar bears," Hankyung said matter-of-factly. "You really don't give off the best first impression."
"Gee, thanks," Jaejoong replied sarcastically, yelping when Hankyung made a sharp turn to avoid an incoming person, smacking his head against the wall. "Watch it!"
"Have you opened your heart to Heechulism?" the person was saying to his companion. "Convert now; there's the unlimited worshipping of me, and WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" Heechul demanded. His eyes flickered back and forth between Jaejoong and Hankyung, an increasingly angry expression spreading across his face. His companion (Eunhyuk) looked extremely gratified for the interruption and took the chance to slip away, every so often letting out a series of involuntary muscle spasms and twitches.
Hankyung carefully propped Jaejoong against the wall and turned to a furious Heechul. "Jaejoong got hurt, so I was helping him back to his room," he said simply. Jaejoong, now with the bored, indifferent expression usually shown to the media, nodded in agreement. He even rolled back his pants' legs to reveal horrendous third-degree burns.
Heechul cast one last suspicious glare at the duo and stalked away, muttering incomprehensibly under his breath. Hankyung huffed, glad there was no bloodshed, and started up the stairs.
"Hey, where are you going?" Jaejoong called after him, still sitting where Hankyung had placed him.
"I'm going to get some sleep, since someone woke me up too early," Hankyung said pointedly.
"...You can't, though." Jaejoong cocked his head and struggled to his feet. "It's already time to go to rehearsal." He laughed weakly. "Can you believe we spent four hours on a project that didn't even work?"
Hankyung stared at him. "You lie," he said flatly. "No way it's already seven."
As if on cue, Leeteuk's voice drifted from upstairs: "C'mon, wake up! Rise and shine or I'll spit water on you!"
Hankyung broke down and cried.
*
A/N: My apologies if I skewered Jaejoong's character. Never written JJ before - and so, he turned out to be a bipolar, compulsive, more than slightly insane pyromaniacal perv. Yeah.
*