I see the girl I wanna be

[xtiph_uh_kneeex]

I'm actually really good right now. My friends are absolutely amazing to me, I don't deserve them.
I'm so not stressed about finals because even if I get a C, oh well, i already got into college.
we talked about college ALL day today and like half of me is ready to try and do something bigger than high school.
and i've realized that if I'm not ready for a four year school right away, i can come home and do saddleback and transfer.
nothing is set in stone.
I'm still really sad to leave my best friends, I know I'll live. but fucking One Tree Hill is giving me false hope that we'll all come back one day and everything will be back to the way it was between all of us. so fuck you, CW.
Christina got me all scared that I'm gonna give up my morals and party my life away once I get to college.
im not worried about drugs and drinking at all.
im worried about some other stuff.
i mean it sounds bad but whatever. I can be worried if I want to. but i know that everything is my choice.
so im only like half worried. whatever.  im babbling for no reason at all.

I think ive given up worrying about other people because I cant help unless they truly want me to.
right?