(no subject)
Well, I can't say I'm the most happiest person in the world... I mean, everything is great with Ryan and everything. I couldn't ask for more! he's perfect! It's me and Shawn's relationship... See, I know that he is the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with (There is no doubt about it) but it just seems like lately all we do is bitch and fight with each other. Well, no... I lied. That's not all we do... lol. But one minute everything will be perfect and then the next everything completly changes!... It is so exhausting! I love him so much but I dunno what to do to make things feel better between us? omg... I'm sounding like an excerpt from a stupid teen magazine now! how low... oh well...
I just want things between us to go back to how they were in the beginning of our relationship... except for being without Ryan. Me and Shawn's bitching has nothing to do with Ryan. In fact, I kinda feel like that is the one thing that is keeping Shawn with me.
Everything I do pisses Shawn off and everything he does pisses me off!
Okay, we do have our perfect moments, which is why I know it is gonna last between us. Maybe we need to have this bitching time or sumthin?? I dunno! but it is making me so angry at everything. And holding these feelings back isn't making it any better! All I want to do is cry... and i'm not saying all of this to be like "Oh Shawn makes me cry!" because really it's not him that is making me cry... it's just our situation I guess?
In the beginning of our relationship together I could feel something I had never felt before when he would just look at me... When he looks at me now, I don't feel it... Maybe I pushed him too far away by not wanting to be touched all the time? Maybe he doesn't feel for me the same way anymore because all he sees is the bitching? I dunno...
but something needs to change because I don't want to live the rest of my life feeling this way.