(no subject)
I royally fucked up my life.
So fucked.
close to death Friday. Got into a huge fight with my mom at the gym. she went through my bag (i should have suspected she'd do that. that mother fucker snooping bitch).
ran in front of a car. a few inches away from getting hit. a fucking few inches. five police come. an ambulance. i get released 2 hours later.
my boyfriend's parents are the best. i stayed with them for a few days. they drove me everywhere. they drove me to rehab.
mrs. mazur also drove me to the hospital because i was high.
i was shaking from anxiety.
i am still shaking.
now, the good things in my life are gone. they tell you this in rehab.
they were better parents and absolutely the best people i have ever met.
mrs. mazur bought me a stuffed animal.she was crying. she kept on telling me she loved me.
i never got love from my parents.
their son, kevin. can't talk to me. more shaking.
I lost the most important person because I chose drugs.
stupid fucking drugs stupid motherfucking drugs. i'm so stupid. why can't i just control anything.
just when i begin falling in love. just when he begins to fall in love, when he begins to trust me that i'm on the right path.
just when he tells me he's proud of me.
just when i was proud of me.
i fuck up.
god fucking damn it.
i'm such a fuck up.
i can't function. i can't cope.
my heart hurts.
i'm alone.
always alone in this desolate house.
i can't think of reasons to go on.
So fucked.
close to death Friday. Got into a huge fight with my mom at the gym. she went through my bag (i should have suspected she'd do that. that mother fucker snooping bitch).
ran in front of a car. a few inches away from getting hit. a fucking few inches. five police come. an ambulance. i get released 2 hours later.
my boyfriend's parents are the best. i stayed with them for a few days. they drove me everywhere. they drove me to rehab.
mrs. mazur also drove me to the hospital because i was high.
i was shaking from anxiety.
i am still shaking.
now, the good things in my life are gone. they tell you this in rehab.
they were better parents and absolutely the best people i have ever met.
mrs. mazur bought me a stuffed animal.she was crying. she kept on telling me she loved me.
i never got love from my parents.
their son, kevin. can't talk to me. more shaking.
I lost the most important person because I chose drugs.
stupid fucking drugs stupid motherfucking drugs. i'm so stupid. why can't i just control anything.
just when i begin falling in love. just when he begins to fall in love, when he begins to trust me that i'm on the right path.
just when he tells me he's proud of me.
just when i was proud of me.
i fuck up.
god fucking damn it.
i'm such a fuck up.
i can't function. i can't cope.
my heart hurts.
i'm alone.
always alone in this desolate house.
i can't think of reasons to go on.