8.
ten ways to procrastinate working through the clever use of m&ms*.
1. divide the whole bag by color. line them up in columns, side by side (i prefer rainbowtacularish order: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, brown). it'll basically look like a bar graph, because you always get like five of one color and then twelve of another. start eating them across the row, but it must be done so you eventually have a full tetris block of all the colors. see:
oooooo
oooooo
oooo o
oo o o
o o
in this example, you'd eat the left bottom m&m first, and then skip two rows and eat the fourth column bottom one. then you'd eat the next row - first, second, fourth, and sixth columns. and so forth until they are all gone.
2. hide them. my office has glue traps out for mice. glue traps are HORRIBLE THINGS. i want to cover all the sticky with m&ms, but that's probably not a prudent idea as it would work to attract mice. but maybe they wouldn't get stuck. ugh. but yeah, you could hide them all over - in plain view, but where they would never be noticed. (see: naked man playing cards in beth & mike's apartment)
3. eat one m&m per minute until you run out. if you do this and keep a record of how long it took (assuming you miss no minutes!) you can keep tabs on just how many m&ms, on average, there are in a package. or you could just keep a count. but that's less fun than the time thing. or you can do it every five minutes. or ten minutes. or whatever. make it last all day!
4. if you work in a cubicle.. throw them. this is especially good if the cube walls are tall enough that no one can see over them easily. just start chucking them in random directions. hide the evidence. no one will ever know.
5, put them in your beverage! we have one of those single-serving coffee machines at work. it does a variety of coffees, cappucinos, teas, and hot chocolates. the m&ms would presumably melt in the superhot beverage. doooo eeet. except it might be really fucking gross so i don't know.
6. use them to color. seriously. lick the side of the m&m and wipe it on some paper. or use a damp paper towel - lay it down on the table and arrange m&ms in a pattern or image. the color will transfer (that whole "melt in your mouth, not in your hand" thing is entirely dependent on the dryness of your hands, by the way) and you will seem super creative.
7. buy other things from the vending machine, like chex mix or salted peanuts, and mix them up. make your own delicious trail mix! mmmmmm. sweet AND salty. (oh man, have you ever had chex mix in the caramel whatever variety? fucking awwwwesome.)
8. speaking of trails, trail them around the hallways of the office, especially where that creepy fat sweaty guy sits, and then surreptitiously observe him eating them. record data. super effective with noflash silent digital camera actions. or just make a trail of them around your desk from you to work pile. when your boss asks you when you're going to finish Project, tell him/her you are "getting to it".
9. the m&m is the masses of the candies. recreate scenes from roman history with them and other foods. a chunky bar can be caesar. when you're done, give the chunky bar to someone else, because they have raisins in them and are therefore really fucking nasty.
10. get a large one pound bag of them and put them in a bowl. name them - i suggest being consistent with naming them through color. all the red ones can be shirley, orange is vincent, yellow is don corleone, green is latronda, blue is french country style of home decorating, and brown is poopy (inflected like a pet name, not like excrement!). get reeeeeeally upset if anyone eats them. pull the bowl closer. and then you can spend a lot of your time giving dirty looks to the offenders.
1. divide the whole bag by color. line them up in columns, side by side (i prefer rainbowtacularish order: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, brown). it'll basically look like a bar graph, because you always get like five of one color and then twelve of another. start eating them across the row, but it must be done so you eventually have a full tetris block of all the colors. see:
oooooo
oooooo
oooo o
oo o o
o o
in this example, you'd eat the left bottom m&m first, and then skip two rows and eat the fourth column bottom one. then you'd eat the next row - first, second, fourth, and sixth columns. and so forth until they are all gone.
2. hide them. my office has glue traps out for mice. glue traps are HORRIBLE THINGS. i want to cover all the sticky with m&ms, but that's probably not a prudent idea as it would work to attract mice. but maybe they wouldn't get stuck. ugh. but yeah, you could hide them all over - in plain view, but where they would never be noticed. (see: naked man playing cards in beth & mike's apartment)
3. eat one m&m per minute until you run out. if you do this and keep a record of how long it took (assuming you miss no minutes!) you can keep tabs on just how many m&ms, on average, there are in a package. or you could just keep a count. but that's less fun than the time thing. or you can do it every five minutes. or ten minutes. or whatever. make it last all day!
4. if you work in a cubicle.. throw them. this is especially good if the cube walls are tall enough that no one can see over them easily. just start chucking them in random directions. hide the evidence. no one will ever know.
5, put them in your beverage! we have one of those single-serving coffee machines at work. it does a variety of coffees, cappucinos, teas, and hot chocolates. the m&ms would presumably melt in the superhot beverage. doooo eeet. except it might be really fucking gross so i don't know.
6. use them to color. seriously. lick the side of the m&m and wipe it on some paper. or use a damp paper towel - lay it down on the table and arrange m&ms in a pattern or image. the color will transfer (that whole "melt in your mouth, not in your hand" thing is entirely dependent on the dryness of your hands, by the way) and you will seem super creative.
7. buy other things from the vending machine, like chex mix or salted peanuts, and mix them up. make your own delicious trail mix! mmmmmm. sweet AND salty. (oh man, have you ever had chex mix in the caramel whatever variety? fucking awwwwesome.)
8. speaking of trails, trail them around the hallways of the office, especially where that creepy fat sweaty guy sits, and then surreptitiously observe him eating them. record data. super effective with noflash silent digital camera actions. or just make a trail of them around your desk from you to work pile. when your boss asks you when you're going to finish Project, tell him/her you are "getting to it".
9. the m&m is the masses of the candies. recreate scenes from roman history with them and other foods. a chunky bar can be caesar. when you're done, give the chunky bar to someone else, because they have raisins in them and are therefore really fucking nasty.
10. get a large one pound bag of them and put them in a bowl. name them - i suggest being consistent with naming them through color. all the red ones can be shirley, orange is vincent, yellow is don corleone, green is latronda, blue is french country style of home decorating, and brown is poopy (inflected like a pet name, not like excrement!). get reeeeeeally upset if anyone eats them. pull the bowl closer. and then you can spend a lot of your time giving dirty looks to the offenders.