(no subject)
So, I guess it's that time. Everyone is leaving, but it still seems surreal. I keep thinking I'm going back to high school. I dunno, maybe I'll get to university and it won't be as weird as I expect it to be.
Things are just kinda weird lately. I can't explain it, it doesn't even make sense to me, so how can I put it into words? I feel different. I dunno, not happier, but somehow less lonely, and yet more lonely. I mean, I'm still lonely, but somehow the loneliness is more tolerable. Maybe it's because there's no one that I can think of that I want to be with. Maybe I'm finally figuring out what it is that I want, and I just can't find anyone who fits that. Maybe I had some chance at what I wanted, and I threw it away for instant gratification. Maybe that's why it wasn't as good the second time...because I knew exactly where it was leading : a half-assed attempt at denial in the morning, and then a few days of being teased, and that's it. Maybe it was because I now crave an emotional connection , rather than just physical. Physical used to be enough, or maybe I just wanted it to be enough. But it's not anymore.
Things are just kinda weird lately. I can't explain it, it doesn't even make sense to me, so how can I put it into words? I feel different. I dunno, not happier, but somehow less lonely, and yet more lonely. I mean, I'm still lonely, but somehow the loneliness is more tolerable. Maybe it's because there's no one that I can think of that I want to be with. Maybe I'm finally figuring out what it is that I want, and I just can't find anyone who fits that. Maybe I had some chance at what I wanted, and I threw it away for instant gratification. Maybe that's why it wasn't as good the second time...because I knew exactly where it was leading : a half-assed attempt at denial in the morning, and then a few days of being teased, and that's it. Maybe it was because I now crave an emotional connection , rather than just physical. Physical used to be enough, or maybe I just wanted it to be enough. But it's not anymore.