(no subject)
Holy fuck.
I am going through one of the most insecure periods of my life.
The worst part about it is that I am aware that it all starts in my head and that I am responsible for perpetuating a vicious cycle. I am aware that feeling insecure leads to acting insecure, and that nothing looks or feels worse than being an insecure person.
The amount of mental energy I waste on battling this day in and day out is staggering. I could re-paint the Sistine Chapel with the amount of time and energy I spend thinking about myself and feeling sorry for myself.
Last night I laid in bed after what was a pretty great day and still managed to feel awful. How many times am I going to ruin a good day by laying in bed at night mentally twisting and stewing in a bubbling cauldron of bad feelings?
Right now, I feel like shit. I don't have anywhere to go with it, so I internalize it. Later, it will probably come rushing out in the form of anger towards inanimate objects or feelings of dissatisfaction in my relationship. Then I'll feel better, but right before I close my eyes and go to sleep, I'll feel worse. And again tomorrow-- the same.
This is bullshit.
I am going through one of the most insecure periods of my life.
The worst part about it is that I am aware that it all starts in my head and that I am responsible for perpetuating a vicious cycle. I am aware that feeling insecure leads to acting insecure, and that nothing looks or feels worse than being an insecure person.
The amount of mental energy I waste on battling this day in and day out is staggering. I could re-paint the Sistine Chapel with the amount of time and energy I spend thinking about myself and feeling sorry for myself.
Last night I laid in bed after what was a pretty great day and still managed to feel awful. How many times am I going to ruin a good day by laying in bed at night mentally twisting and stewing in a bubbling cauldron of bad feelings?
Right now, I feel like shit. I don't have anywhere to go with it, so I internalize it. Later, it will probably come rushing out in the form of anger towards inanimate objects or feelings of dissatisfaction in my relationship. Then I'll feel better, but right before I close my eyes and go to sleep, I'll feel worse. And again tomorrow-- the same.
This is bullshit.