turns out it's not where but who you're with that really matters...
sometimes im convinced, that i am in fact legally crazy.
i just spent an hour looking up sleeping disorders trying to figure out which kind i have.
my kind doesn’t exist apparently.
so maybe im making one up and dont have one.
which sucks.
cause that means...
I DONT MAKE ANY SENSE.
anywho.
problem # 2.
this was my day
-we went to the mall
-sat in dunderbaks for an hour chatting
-did some christmas shopping
-went to visit my dad and nephew
-went and ate dinner at his house with his mom
-me, her, and him chatted over dinner and some wine for at least an hour
-she invited me over christmas eve
-him and i watched some tv
-he took me home
and this time was all spent with...
jesse
WHAT THE HELL AM I THINKING?!?
old habbits die hard
i am in fact, retarded.
trust me, i already know.
i cant decided if im doing this to just be a vindictive bitch,
or for the fact that i have fun spending time with him.
i think it might be a little bit of both.
when im with him i have a blast,
but i feel like how i did when i was little.
like im playing make-believe, or pretend.
its like im pretending that im dating him.
i act how i think i would act.
i say things i think i would say.
i make it seem like i mean it.
and i do sort of,
at least temporarly.
i push it because its fun and occupies me,
and because i know i can.
but this ends when i go back to orlando.
and back to my other make pretend dating scene- brian.
as cold as it seems...
out of site, out of mind.
i wonder when im going to actually grow up.
an stop playing with fire
i wish i could focus on the shit that i should be focusing on instead of my questionable sanity.
oh the things i waste my time on.
i really need to get some aderal.
then these 3 am rants of mine wouldn't be happening.
enough bitching.
really,
my life is amazing.
i love having my cake and eating it too.
i get a boy in orlando.
and a boy when i come home for breaks.
the big scary karma monster is going to come and bite me in the ass.
but this has been going on for too long.
so that's going to happen regardless if i stop it now.
i might as well milk it for as long as i can.
im so going to hell
<3
see you and me have a better time
than most can dream of
better than the best
so we can pull on through
whatever tears at us
whatever holds us down
and if nothing can be done
we'll make the best of what's around