(no subject)
trouble in paradise i must say.
me and sean are at a bit of a rocky patch
its obv me causing it and me that feels it.
i dunno if im coming or going.
i dunno if i want to be in this relationship or not.
i love the boy but is this what i want?
do i want myself to get more attached and let the relationship go on for longer.
then what if it doesnt work out, then i'll be even more gutted.
but i should give things a go.
god i should know by now lifes to short.
but blablabla. my head is so fucked up tbh.
i couldnt see myself without him.
i cant even remember what it was like to be single.
to be completely selfish as it were.
but when youre in a relationship you have to think about you and the other person.
plans you make etc etc.
and im a naturally selfish person really.
and im crap at committment.
when the going gets tough i just back off and leave it instead of just dealing with things.
but thats who i am.
i cause trouble in relationships cause i get bored and need excitment.
and then i dont want to deal with that trouble.
its pathetic. really pathetic.
i need to grow up.
im in a "serious/long-term" relationship and these things scare the shit out of me.
im just bored.
things have changed so much since i started going out with sean.
my social life isnt even half of what it used to be.
going out every single weekend etc.
but now i cant afford it and sean doesnt really have as much fun as me on nights out.
well he does but doesnt show them like i do. and thats who he is and thats fine.
i wish i was 16/17 again. best years ever. EVER.
this is a pointless update cause im actually talking to myself. it'll make no sense to anyone.
but there we go.
fuck sake.
why cant things be simple!
or why cant i just keep things simple instead of making them complicated?!
me and sean are at a bit of a rocky patch
its obv me causing it and me that feels it.
i dunno if im coming or going.
i dunno if i want to be in this relationship or not.
i love the boy but is this what i want?
do i want myself to get more attached and let the relationship go on for longer.
then what if it doesnt work out, then i'll be even more gutted.
but i should give things a go.
god i should know by now lifes to short.
but blablabla. my head is so fucked up tbh.
i couldnt see myself without him.
i cant even remember what it was like to be single.
to be completely selfish as it were.
but when youre in a relationship you have to think about you and the other person.
plans you make etc etc.
and im a naturally selfish person really.
and im crap at committment.
when the going gets tough i just back off and leave it instead of just dealing with things.
but thats who i am.
i cause trouble in relationships cause i get bored and need excitment.
and then i dont want to deal with that trouble.
its pathetic. really pathetic.
i need to grow up.
im in a "serious/long-term" relationship and these things scare the shit out of me.
im just bored.
things have changed so much since i started going out with sean.
my social life isnt even half of what it used to be.
going out every single weekend etc.
but now i cant afford it and sean doesnt really have as much fun as me on nights out.
well he does but doesnt show them like i do. and thats who he is and thats fine.
i wish i was 16/17 again. best years ever. EVER.
this is a pointless update cause im actually talking to myself. it'll make no sense to anyone.
but there we go.
fuck sake.
why cant things be simple!
or why cant i just keep things simple instead of making them complicated?!