rant
the reason i am the way i am...is because i want to be perfect.....i want everything i wear to look absolutely perfect on me...i want my boobs to fully fill my shirt the way it should...i want my pants to fit just the right way...i want my hair to be pin straight ...if i put it up and take it down it should look perfect no matter how it falls my eyeliner and mascara should not smear.... my nose shouldn't be crooked my lips shouldn't be chapped
in my room my bed should be perfectly made at ALL times.....the floor would be spotless and stainless my books should all be in 100 percent complete alphabetical order ..the only dishes are the ones i am currently using and the garbage can will never be more than halfway full at most
but i know this will never happen...no matter what i do i will never look how i want i cant help it...we all have a vision of how we want to look and who we want to be...and i know i can never accomplish anything like that so i cover my imperfections with more imperfections....i dont look good but its on my own terms...u'll make fun of me for my appearance but it will be on my own terms...my hair looks bad but people assume its because of my lack of effort i will never have what it takes up top or down below but no one minds because u cant really tell through my layers of clothing and no one actually expects anything like that from me anyways cause im just a little tom boy no one expects...anything from me except for me to just be "me"
its not even that i want to look good for u or anyone ...i just want to for myself..i just for once want to feel good about myself and about who i am without the constant nagging guilt in the back of my head constantly reminding me that i am living a lie and i am a fake
and i feel like no matter what im not really ever going to get past this "look' and "me" that i have become because its what every one expects of me...the only thing they expect from me and the one thing i want to escape but i guess i dont know how and never will be able too
sorry about the pointless rant
have a good night
in my room my bed should be perfectly made at ALL times.....the floor would be spotless and stainless my books should all be in 100 percent complete alphabetical order ..the only dishes are the ones i am currently using and the garbage can will never be more than halfway full at most
but i know this will never happen...no matter what i do i will never look how i want i cant help it...we all have a vision of how we want to look and who we want to be...and i know i can never accomplish anything like that so i cover my imperfections with more imperfections....i dont look good but its on my own terms...u'll make fun of me for my appearance but it will be on my own terms...my hair looks bad but people assume its because of my lack of effort i will never have what it takes up top or down below but no one minds because u cant really tell through my layers of clothing and no one actually expects anything like that from me anyways cause im just a little tom boy no one expects...anything from me except for me to just be "me"
its not even that i want to look good for u or anyone ...i just want to for myself..i just for once want to feel good about myself and about who i am without the constant nagging guilt in the back of my head constantly reminding me that i am living a lie and i am a fake
and i feel like no matter what im not really ever going to get past this "look' and "me" that i have become because its what every one expects of me...the only thing they expect from me and the one thing i want to escape but i guess i dont know how and never will be able too
sorry about the pointless rant
have a good night