I'm so sick of all of this bullshit..
Lets see. I dont really know where to begin.
I guess I'll start with the party.
So You know. Amandas party, thats what we all have been waiting for right? Wrong. So I worked from 7-10 and came home and got ready and we left for Amandas at like 11:30. So we get there, natalie, lindsay, steve, shawn, and some other people were there. Most of them were already drunk right. All hanging out and talking. Little while later, Jenny and Azra, Dave L and Scott show up. You know, which is sweet. Lets just get to the point. Yeah I was happy there was a party, but I wish it didnt happen the way it did. I mean, yeah sweet people were there, but 1. I felt like shit and 2. I'm a very jealous person and I let LITTLE things bug me. I really don't know why but I do, and it really needs to stop.
So, after I had enough I went upstairs and tried going to bed. WEll, that didnt turn out to well because I slept on the floor with Amber, Jenny and Steve, and I was really hot, and god knows I cant sleep without a fan directly infront of my face. So I didnt fall asleep til the alarm went off for Amber and Shawn to get up for work, which was 5:30. Then I actually fell asleep at like 6.
Azra and I were left sleeping outta the 7 of us in there and I totally climbed in a ball next to her on the bed. So we slept til around 11 and went downstairs and the house was already cleaned. We got our stuff ready and went to Mcdonalds for some food. Went there, and shawn got off. Then Amber and kenny got off. Which was cool. So I came home and laid down. Then is when I had a bad attitude. I started thinking about everything that has happend and I just got really upset. I did nothing but lay in my bed and cry. Everything builds up inside of me and thats my only way to let it out. Cry. either that or beat the living shit out of someone, and I don't think that would be the best idea.
So, Amber decided to be FUNNY and tell my mom and dad that I had been crying, and I dont wanna tell them. Because its something that I need to fix. Something I need to do on my own. Yes, I have been saying it for a long time, but if nothing gets done, how am I supposed to get over this stage and not always be down because of a my own stupidity. This is what always happends. Im a fucking dumbass and don't let anyone know how I feel, and this is ALWAYS how it ends up. But I dont think its all my fault. With everything that has happend, Makes it worse. Yeah, the last party whatever happend did he not think that my feelings would grow? OF COURSE they would. Obviously he doesn't know that. I have liked him for the longest time, and still nothing happends. I'm helpless.
I don't really know why nothing good ever happends to me. im not even kidding. I have about the worst luck with everything and its not fair. I try to hard and nothing ever goes good for me, even in the end. I'm not putting forth the effort anymore. I'm done with all of this bullshit that I go through. Also im sick of hearing, " I think he likes you" yeah, thanks because thats what I wanna hear, but that makes me really think. thats the kinda shit I get stuck thinking about right before I go to bed. Or what he really thinks of me. This is why I'm so frustrated. And NO you dont understand because your not going through this constantly.
.. But then theres the ones that say " You dont try hard enough".. I see where your coming from. Dont get me wrong. But I honestly think that It would be humiliating for someone to sit there and spill there guts to that someone and then them turn around and say some stupid ass line, or even get weird feelings to mess everything up. yeah, and then you can sit there and tell me again that im not trying hard enough.
Anyway, I'm done
I said basically everything I have been thinking.
Hm.. Feels a little better.
decisions, decisions.
I guess I'll start with the party.
So You know. Amandas party, thats what we all have been waiting for right? Wrong. So I worked from 7-10 and came home and got ready and we left for Amandas at like 11:30. So we get there, natalie, lindsay, steve, shawn, and some other people were there. Most of them were already drunk right. All hanging out and talking. Little while later, Jenny and Azra, Dave L and Scott show up. You know, which is sweet. Lets just get to the point. Yeah I was happy there was a party, but I wish it didnt happen the way it did. I mean, yeah sweet people were there, but 1. I felt like shit and 2. I'm a very jealous person and I let LITTLE things bug me. I really don't know why but I do, and it really needs to stop.
So, after I had enough I went upstairs and tried going to bed. WEll, that didnt turn out to well because I slept on the floor with Amber, Jenny and Steve, and I was really hot, and god knows I cant sleep without a fan directly infront of my face. So I didnt fall asleep til the alarm went off for Amber and Shawn to get up for work, which was 5:30. Then I actually fell asleep at like 6.
Azra and I were left sleeping outta the 7 of us in there and I totally climbed in a ball next to her on the bed. So we slept til around 11 and went downstairs and the house was already cleaned. We got our stuff ready and went to Mcdonalds for some food. Went there, and shawn got off. Then Amber and kenny got off. Which was cool. So I came home and laid down. Then is when I had a bad attitude. I started thinking about everything that has happend and I just got really upset. I did nothing but lay in my bed and cry. Everything builds up inside of me and thats my only way to let it out. Cry. either that or beat the living shit out of someone, and I don't think that would be the best idea.
So, Amber decided to be FUNNY and tell my mom and dad that I had been crying, and I dont wanna tell them. Because its something that I need to fix. Something I need to do on my own. Yes, I have been saying it for a long time, but if nothing gets done, how am I supposed to get over this stage and not always be down because of a my own stupidity. This is what always happends. Im a fucking dumbass and don't let anyone know how I feel, and this is ALWAYS how it ends up. But I dont think its all my fault. With everything that has happend, Makes it worse. Yeah, the last party whatever happend did he not think that my feelings would grow? OF COURSE they would. Obviously he doesn't know that. I have liked him for the longest time, and still nothing happends. I'm helpless.
I don't really know why nothing good ever happends to me. im not even kidding. I have about the worst luck with everything and its not fair. I try to hard and nothing ever goes good for me, even in the end. I'm not putting forth the effort anymore. I'm done with all of this bullshit that I go through. Also im sick of hearing, " I think he likes you" yeah, thanks because thats what I wanna hear, but that makes me really think. thats the kinda shit I get stuck thinking about right before I go to bed. Or what he really thinks of me. This is why I'm so frustrated. And NO you dont understand because your not going through this constantly.
.. But then theres the ones that say " You dont try hard enough".. I see where your coming from. Dont get me wrong. But I honestly think that It would be humiliating for someone to sit there and spill there guts to that someone and then them turn around and say some stupid ass line, or even get weird feelings to mess everything up. yeah, and then you can sit there and tell me again that im not trying hard enough.
Anyway, I'm done
I said basically everything I have been thinking.
Hm.. Feels a little better.
decisions, decisions.