its just one of those days
so i dont think i have felt so alone but not in my life. i know i have but at least not in a really long time. im not really alone i know i have friends and family there who care.. i just feel that sometimes its hard to tell real from fake. its one of those times that i have to second guess myself and wonder if i really am making the right decisions. i get the fact that this is all about being young your supposed to make mistakes..life is all about making decisions some important some not so much. but what happens when you believe your making all the wrong ones? your the only one thats going to have to go through it all to fix it. it sucks. its like i do nothing right. or i have to work three times as hard to get things on the right path.. in which its like a side road. ugh. maybe im not making sense. idk..
i constantly keep going back and forth about decisions like.. am i doing the right thing? am i at the right school? should i really transfer.. or just stick it out. like i really dont know. and i would LOVE if drama wasnt such a huge part in this final decision. but of course like always it is. and if i do transfer where will i go? do i go far away and really try to start over.. or stay here and hope that going to a bigger school where theres more oppertunities is better.. i wish i could just press the fast forward button or like preview and see where my life would be depending on which road i took. iduno i like it here i like feeling like this is a home away from home but its upsetting when the same thing keeps happening like where ever i go. its like a continuous cycle that goes around and around and never stops. like a merry-go-round thats not so merry, and i cant find my way off. i really dont know what to do.
i try to cut the people out of my life that dont deserve to be there but i hate being that person. i dont really want to kick anyone out of my life. especially if they seem to want to be there. i guess some people are just out to get you.. or at least hurt you.. who knows what peoples intentions are. you cant really choose who stays and who goes, well i guess you can. but you dont get the final say people do what they want. which brings me to another thing. why do i care so much about how other people feel and if im hurting their feelings.. when they could care the fuck less about how i feel or if they hurt my feelings. i know ive done some shitty things and made wrong decisions in the past. but thats just it. they were mistakes and their in my past..nothing i can do to change them ive corrected my mistakes.. but how about the ones that have hurt me? and dont care.. sometimes.. you need more then ani'm sorry.. and i learned that the hard way.. maybe other people need to also..
on the bright side.. SPRING BREAK starts friday.. i dont even care that im not going anywhere i just cant wait to g e t a w a y
bahamasimissyouuuuuu
i constantly keep going back and forth about decisions like.. am i doing the right thing? am i at the right school? should i really transfer.. or just stick it out. like i really dont know. and i would LOVE if drama wasnt such a huge part in this final decision. but of course like always it is. and if i do transfer where will i go? do i go far away and really try to start over.. or stay here and hope that going to a bigger school where theres more oppertunities is better.. i wish i could just press the fast forward button or like preview and see where my life would be depending on which road i took. iduno i like it here i like feeling like this is a home away from home but its upsetting when the same thing keeps happening like where ever i go. its like a continuous cycle that goes around and around and never stops. like a merry-go-round thats not so merry, and i cant find my way off. i really dont know what to do.
i try to cut the people out of my life that dont deserve to be there but i hate being that person. i dont really want to kick anyone out of my life. especially if they seem to want to be there. i guess some people are just out to get you.. or at least hurt you.. who knows what peoples intentions are. you cant really choose who stays and who goes, well i guess you can. but you dont get the final say people do what they want. which brings me to another thing. why do i care so much about how other people feel and if im hurting their feelings.. when they could care the fuck less about how i feel or if they hurt my feelings. i know ive done some shitty things and made wrong decisions in the past. but thats just it. they were mistakes and their in my past..nothing i can do to change them ive corrected my mistakes.. but how about the ones that have hurt me? and dont care.. sometimes.. you need more then ani'm sorry.. and i learned that the hard way.. maybe other people need to also..
on the bright side.. SPRING BREAK starts friday.. i dont even care that im not going anywhere i just cant wait to g e t a w a y
bahamasimissyouuuuuu