Thoughts and tribulations of Himay....
Recent events have led me to believe that people who think they know someone actually doesn't really know them at all. Friends have their hearts broken, others are fighting with partners, some still don't see what's wrong with their partners and are too stupid to do anything about it and the fact of the matter is, as we go through this life, we learn one aspect of a person, mainly because we act differently around certain people. For instance: I told my sister that I'm wicked nervous about today and stuff and she goes, "Well don't think of it as a date, think of it as hanging out. I know I could never go on a date because I tend to just hang out with the person and then eventually end up going out with them. If you think of it as a date, you'll act all different and stuff so think of it as you two hanging out as friends so you'll be more comfortable." For once, she actually said something that actually was worth listening to. Haha. I have learned from my own experiences and witnessed many friendships in the past couple of years deteriorate for one reason or another, and some others grow strong for one reason or another. One thing is certain, I still keep in touch with my friends, as much as they don't keep in contact with me. Granted I have lost contact with a few of them, but the majority are still around. I think after highschool, we get so involved in college life and finding new friends and our partners that we lose sight of what is really important, Friendships. If you don't have friendships that last you a lifetime, you'll have no one around when you are on your death bed. I mean, by friendships and friends, I'm including your partner/spouse. You have to be their best friend, someone you're compatible with and will be there for you when you need them. I think friends are the most important thing to me in life, that no matter what happens to me, if I have at least one to two friends, true friends who will help me out, then my life is worth/was worth living depending on the aspect. I have done a lot of growing since my senior year of high school, mainly because I moved away, got to know myself and appreciate the things I have and things I wish to have but someday could potential achieve. I've made multiple new friends up here, but kept in close contact with my good friends back home. I find it difficult to keep in touch with those who I rarely talked to back home mainly because I don't have a connection in their life as I do with my closer friends. Not that I am disregarding the ones who I am friends with and not as close as not my friends, just that I have lost contact with them and now they have become acquaintances, more or less. I think once you learn who you are, you tend to know where you are going to go in life, who you want your friends to be like and how to treat others. I try to treat all my friends as if they were family, I'd do anything for them and one person has already seen that this year. ;) As you know, if you read my journal, I have come out to my parents and had a girlfriend. We broke up a month ago and I'm going to dive right back into the saddle and have a date tonight. No, don't all flood me with questions and good luck comments, I wasn't doing this for praise or anything, just saying that I haven't been more comfortable with myself as a person in my life and that I'm glad I can finally be that comfortable. This entry seems really longwinded and sporatic and disorganized but its a journal, somewhere you put all your thoughts down. I know that things in peoples' lives right now seem chaotic, horrible, or even fantastic, which all are a part of everyday lives for most people, myself included. My heart extends to those who have chaotic and horrible things going on in their lifetime, I wish I could be there for you right now, and the ones who are experiencing fantastic events, I wish I could be there to help you celebrate. I have heard some things from people today that I take into consideration a great deal, one thing that someone used to not like me in high school and replaced someone else in their lives with me. It kind of hurts, but I always knew it, the fact they didn't tell me hurts even more. Thus, my theory of life by the way of living by "Honesty is the best policy," that no matter what is bothering you, if you are friends or pretending to be friends with someone and you think they are your friend, tell them what you are thinking, don't lie to them pretending you like them etc. It in the end comes to bite you in the ass and thus you lose friends that way. I know if I had a problem with something or someone, I would be honest and open and if they were my friend, they'd completely understand. If they weren't they'd be upset, pissed and probably never talk to me again or something along those lines. I guess you could say I'm really retarded for writing all of this here but I think it eventually needed to be exorcised out of my system. I've been considering changing majors because of the frustration and stress I have exerted on my body and mind is too much to bear sometimes. I have an eye twitch and me having numb fingers and trying to pay bills and such it is just all too stressful for me. I have never had anything seriously wrong with me before and the fact that I have 60% nerve damage in my left arm is quite frightening and scary. My mom told me that I should drop out and she'll take care of me, if only it were that easy...haha NO! I dunno, I've been thinking about a lot of things lately, and me being in a single enables me to think a lot and I hardly have time to see friends so yeah, I guess it's therapeutic to have a single, because I like to think about things. I told you this was long winded but I have run out of steam and my arm hurts so I'm ending it. Sorry it was so long, I couldn't figure out how to make this a link instead, I'm a sped, sorry!